Obese 11yr old son

[singingismypassion]

We have an obese 11yr DS. Neither my DH or myself are over weight.

DS is over active although being at a private school he plays a lot of school sport plus-
Archery, Judo and riding once a week
Hockey on a sat am
Rugby on a sun am

You would think he would be quite fit however, he doesn't actively run around and get stuck in.. i feel we have tried everything.

I don't buy snacking food, we eat healthily but he does take food behind our backs ie peanut butter on bread. Craves carbs and many sweet treats.

I know the obvious thing is to not have any thing tempting but inferno have stopped buying a lot already.

I am now considering a personal trainer once a week...

Any useful bits of advice?

Ps I work full time and v long hours, we live rurally which can pose problems.

Who cares for him while you are at work? How does he get to school.? Can he cycle.?

He doesn't need a personal trainer, he needs help and support with healthy eating. Why he eats is going to be important.

No sport is going to shift weight if he doesn't actually run around and join in. How long has he been overweight, Is it a recent thing or has he always been overweight? He shouldn't be sneaking food, can you make a snack box for him with a weeks allowance of healthy snacks so he can self regulate. My 11 year old is literally always eating but the foods he has free rein of are things like fruit and fibre cereal, sugar free yogurts, fruit, eggs, cooked meats etc.

How overweight is he? Has puberty started? What is portion size like?

Is he very overweight or is he just chubby and about to have a growth spurt?

I am currently translating a book about the effects of ultra processed food on health and you probably and unsuspectedly have them in your kitchen.
Even healthy or presumably healthy food is not so healthy.

Your wholemeal bread will probably not be made with wholemeal flour but white flour (sending blood sugar to the roof), wheat bran (abrasive for colon wall) and the addition of gluten to compensate for the bran which contributes to super starch and addiction.
When the cereal is separated in different molecules that are then put back together to produce bread they are no longer the same food and this is the root of the bread addiction. The bread is now rich in amylopectin A and it just send your brain and body into over-craving and this only gets worse with the gluteomorphin with is a by-procuct of the digestion of the gluten in the gut.

Why am I writing all this? Because you write you are eating healthy yet your son is obese.

If your peanut butter is not 100% peanut butte, but a combination of peanut and sugar or worse peanut, sugar and oil, it is a bomb for the body. Combine the peanut butter (pure fat) with white or fake wholemeal bread (basically sugar) and the pleasure centres in the brain light up like a christmas tree.

Why is he getting fat but not you? Different immune system, different gut bacterias certainly. Has he had several course of antibiotics over the years?
He might also eat a lot more, our of habit, boredom, and so on.

I don't believe a personal trainer is the solution. More sport will only make him more ravenous. Taking our your reading glasses and one by one reading every single label of your pantry and fridge will have to be part of the solution. Ditch every single thing that has sugar in the ingredient listed, from pasta jars, to indian curries, everything that goes for more than two lines (ideally one line, e.g. tomatoes, oil, salt ), any number, any word you would have trouble spelling after reading it once, any ingredient that needs a factory to exist, every fractioned basic food (example potatoes vs potatoes starch) .

It will mean you spending a lot more time in the kitchen or a lot more money in your weekly shopping.

You are saying obese, which is quite dramatic. What does he eat in a day? Why does he have for breakfast - much - dinner?

Is he alone a lot?

Apart from the things PP have pointed out -

You eat healthily but what portion sizes does your son eat?

How does your son get to and from school?

How does your son get to and from friends, and outside school activities?

Your son needs to be active outside organised sport in normal everyday life e.g. walking from A to B at a reasonable pace, playing outsude with friends plus should eat portion sizes appropriate to his height.

Lillieandchocolates
We live rurally so can't walk to and from school or friends houses.

He has a pretty tricky time at school and doesn't have lots of friends, is picked on a bit/ left out, struggles with his academic work...

I totally agree that going sugar free is the way forward.

Yes he has had lots of antibiotics when he was very young and I believe his gut health is poor.

He is very stubborn so it's going to be virtually impossible to stop him eating sugar at school....

I am finding this all so stress full...

Is he actually overweight going by BMI /doctor's advice? By how much? Have you seen your GP?

He is at school when I am working.

Honestly? Given what you say about craving carbs, being unable to self regulate, struggling to exercise, struggling academically...,

I think you Need to consider an underlying medical condition and have him thoroughly assessed for this possibility.

Does he want to lose weight and get healthier? He needs to want to do it.

The only thing that will help him is to cut down on all the carbs he’s eating. He’s growing and doesn’t need to cut them out but just limit them.
Cutting right down on bread and bakery type products will help.
Try to get him to eat his 5 a day too. Mostly as veg.

As pp have suggested, cut the carbs and sugar. He is probably one of the unfortunate people who doesn’t metabolise carbohydrate well

Read The Obesity Code by Jason Fung or listen to him on a podcast. You’ll discover exactly what has happened to your ds

Exercise will make no difference at all

What do you mean by obese? My son at 10 was very obese - 99th percentile. We didn't really get him much more active (just encouraged him off the pc more) and didn't obviously change his diet (added veg, cut down on crap) but improvements were made. Mainly though he shot up at 12 and is nearly a healthy weight now. I think you are in danger of making too big a thing of it and giving him a complex. Believe me I know how stressful it is and how important it is to make sure they get to a healthy weight but make small changes often and talk about being healthy and strong. My ds now makes good choices without my help. It doesn't have to be a battle.

Watch his portion sizes. My sister's children were overweight...all four of them and she couldn't see why. I had to point out quietly that she was serving them man-sized meals. Her 7 year olds and her 11 year olds...two sets of twins, were eating meals the same as she served her 6 foot builder husband.

He has a pretty tricky time at school and doesn't have lots of friends, is picked on a bit/ left out, struggles with his academic work
He is very stubborn

I agree with Graphista You really need to tackle this, poor kid.

Can you have him assessed by a multi disciplinary team to find out why he appears to have social difficulties, rigid thinking and is behind with some academic work.
Have school identified any areas they can help him with or are they not on board? You really need to tackle this first, before you tackle his food intake.

If your son is unhappy due to the above, maybe has low self-esteem, (and knows he is overweight) those factors are enough to make some kids miserable, they then seek solace in sugary and carby food for a temporary respite to the unhappiness.

What does he actually eat though?

Cut out processed carbs. If he’s going to eat junk at school then give him a salad with protein and fruit and that’s it at lunch. He doesn’t need any carbs from you because he’s going to eat them behind your back.

A bit concerned at all the advice to cut out carbs at 11 ! Yes, lots of junk food is bad and look at intake of things like fizzy drinks. As other posters have said have a good look at his portion sizes, I'd be willing to bet they are too big.

The poor sod is depressed. He is 11 years old no friends and even his parents don’t spend time with him. I just want to give him a hug and love bomb him - that’s what he needs. Not a strict diet and personal trainer. Kids don’t really want a lifestyle and cash to splash - they want love. How about you and your h take a step back from your busy wonderful careers and spend some time with your child that you created?

Christ! A low carb child, eh? Or maybe he is miserable at school at and is comfort eating. He's only a kid, have you asked him if he's happy?? He doesn't sound it, from your description.

That was a bit unpleasant Mrs pear. Many parents have to work to pay the bills and children have to go to school. OP there's a movie called That Sugar Movie or similar, I think it's on YouTube and it explains really well how sugars can be so addictive. Pp was spot on about bread just basically being sugar as well. You're going to have to really overhaul his carbs and sugars to get him out of his addiction. Can you plan to start it with a week away during the next half term so he can go cold turkey?

There are many benefits to exercising, but weight loss isn’t one of them. I agree with PP, refined sugar/processed food is the root of the problem.

Can he be involved more in the cooking? Use a sugar smart app? Watch cooking/fitness shows together? I have an 11 year old and he enjoyed watching the show with Tom Burridge where he got families to eat healthier, he also watches Jamie and Jimmy etc.

I'd focus on trying to maintain his weight, and then when he grows it will stretch out.

Lillies OP said he sneaks bread and peanut butter so I'd say that's part of him eating unhealthily as opposed to the healthy average stuff she probably gives him. Can you get him to drink water OP or what does he drink ( he may feel less full if drinking) Also I'd agree with the poster above who said to substitute the stuff he sneaks for healthier( but not food that makes him feel he isn't getting something nice) food. Does he talk to you about it?