Obese 11yr old son

[singingismypassion]

We have an obese 11yr DS. Neither my DH or myself are over weight.

DS is over active although being at a private school he plays a lot of school sport plus-
Archery, Judo and riding once a week
Hockey on a sat am
Rugby on a sun am

You would think he would be quite fit however, he doesn't actively run around and get stuck in.. i feel we have tried everything.

I don't buy snacking food, we eat healthily but he does take food behind our backs ie peanut butter on bread. Craves carbs and many sweet treats.

I know the obvious thing is to not have any thing tempting but inferno have stopped buying a lot already.

I am now considering a personal trainer once a week...

Any useful bits of advice?

Ps I work full time and v long hours, we live rurally which can pose problems.

Are you a teacher at the school? That’s why he has no friends, move him. My DH was forced to go to the school his mum taught at and was relentlessly bullied because of it. It has affected his whole life and he is medicated for severe OCD (pure O). Sounds like he is comfort eating and you can help him by letting him be independent away from you. Bet the weight drops off.

He has a pretty tricky time at school and doesn't have lots of friends, is picked on a bit/ left out, struggles with his academic work...

Poor boy. Is this emotional eating?

He's having a hard time at school. He doesn't really engage in the sports you make him do. Is there a reason why you can't persevere to find a sport he does enjoy? And an active hobby that he enjoys?
Rugby and hockey aren't the best choices for a child who is being left out at school.
Help him find his 'tribe'. (It doesn't sound as though they're the hockey/rugby boys). Then he'll start to enjoy being active and will start to feel more confident.

If I was expected to do all that sport, I’d comfort eat as well.

Can you start with whether he is happy or not. Does he like doing endless sport? Would he like to do something else. The idea of cooking with him seems good?

Does he swim? DS was overweight at that age and the best thing we did was to get him involved in a local swim club. You can’t hide/be inactive there! He started with one day a week and eventually built up to four days a week (though at nearly 17 is down to two days a week) plus galas etc. We cut out all crap except for dessert on a Saturday, but otherwise did not limit carbs etc. The weight melted off him within about six months and he’s a fit and healthy 16 year old now.

Has he just started at the school, or is he coming to the end of his time there? (At 11, it could be either?). Despite the fact that you work there, I would be asking him if he is happy, and if it meets his needs. He doesn't have many friends, is picked on, and struggles with the work. That sounds a pretty miserable existence.I would be concerned that it isn't the right environment for him. This could in turn be leading to emotional eating. Of course it could be that he is coming to the end of year 6, and will be moving on.

Having said that, I would also like to add that my DS (now 24) was a skinny baby and young child, then from approx 10-15 put on an awful lot of weight and was technically obese. He was however always extremely fit and active. At about 15 he turned things around and chose to lose weight, and with a few changes it fell off, and he has maintained a very health weight since. I think the pre-puberty/puberty years an play havoc with the body in all sorts of ways.

Queen uni kitty no I am not a teacher and actually he has been much happier since I started working at the school. He is in the right environment, sadly he struggles with his peers. Yes, we have and still do have the help of an Ed psych.

Does he enjoy all that sport? That's a SERIOUS amount of extra-curricular sport.

I think you need to push for a referral to a specialist in learning disability.

There are several conditions where inability to self regulate food intake is a symptom and it's virtually impossible to tackle without a proper diagnosis. An Ed psych is nowhere near qualified enough to assess this.