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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Party

42 replies

EWAB · 14/04/2019 10:35

Totally prepared to be told that I am being unreasonable.... I know it’s not my party.
Very very close family member is having a birthday ending with a zero.
Family members are invited but not their children; the children range from totddlers to twenties.
Party giver has children within that age range too! They are obviously invited to their parent’s party... ok I get that BUT the party giver’s kids are inviting their friends.
I am upset that family children aren’t invited even though they get on with their cousins but random kids (some of whose parents aren’t invited) will be there.
I know, I know it’s not my party.

OP posts:
MiniEggAddiction · 14/04/2019 10:37

I was ready to say YABU but it's very odd that there will be friends of their kids there but not family kids. I think that's very weird.

Notonthestairs · 14/04/2019 10:38

So non family members get to bring their children but family members don't? Is that what you are saying?

What kind of party is it? Sit down meal or village hall event?

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 10:40

So the hosts’ DCs’ friends (chosen by the hosts’ DC) are attending?

Unusual but your only choice is to decide whether or not you/your DP attend.

Iruka · 14/04/2019 10:40

They're not random kids, they are friends of the partygoers kids. Maybe they asked their children who they wanted to invite to keep them company and they chose their friends.

Berthatydfil · 14/04/2019 10:40

So they won’t invite their younger relatives but will invite their children’s friends. I suppose if it’s a very small number to keep them company that might be ok - but if they have cousins the same/similar ages why can’t they keep each other company.
I realise their party their rules but on first reading it seems very rude. Does one family have a nightmare badly behaved dc who will ruin their event and this is how they are stopping them from attending?

Original poster
EWAB · 14/04/2019 10:41

The party is in their own house... very large.....very wealthy.
The kids can invite their friends. Some of these friends happen to have parents who are invited other kids will be there on their own.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 14/04/2019 10:42

Depends on numbers I guess?

2/3 extra kids who are friends of the children vs 20 extra kids who are family.

Xyzzzzz · 14/04/2019 10:42

Seems like a strange set up but it’s their party and can invite who they want.

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 10:43

The hosts’ DC will probably prefer partying with their friends to their cousins/family friends.

Doyoumind · 14/04/2019 10:45

It sounds like the DC's friends are being invited to keep the children company and keep them out of the way. It's a different dynamic to having cousins there. It's a bit strange but I can see the reasoning. Everyone would want to bring kids if family members were and that would make the party very different.

Drum2018 · 14/04/2019 10:46

Maybe they're having one friend each which will probably work out less than all the cousins. Maybe they don't want toddlers so have decided not to invite any cousins so as not to have to invite the smaller ones.

Yougotdis · 14/04/2019 10:47

Are the children not being invited ill behaved? Or maybe the children will be going home with their friends parents for the night.

KC225 · 14/04/2019 10:50

You said it, it's their party. They can invite who they want. Remember that old adage- you can choose your friends but not your family. Family friends kids are wanted, some relations kids (not saying its yours) not wanted.

RosaWaiting · 14/04/2019 10:54

they can invite who they want

last 40th I went to, there were kids everywhere and a couple of parents who had got babysitters were really pissed off because they had expected a sort of childfree night. For some reason they thought only the host's DC would be there - 2 of them.

if they want to keep the numbers of small children under control in some way, you can't blame them. You couldn't even have a dance because there were children just running about using it as a playground.

HotpotLawyer · 14/04/2019 10:57

They are not ‘random kids’.
Does the ‘children ‘ generation mean lots and lots of extra people, including partners if the older ones?

Maybe they don’t want toddlers?

So have done a blanket cut off at their generation.

My cousins do this, they invite my parents, their aunt and uncle, to their kids’ weddings but not me, their cousin, even though I see far more of them and their families. But it’s because if they invited me they would have to invite a horde of others.

How old are your children? Do they want to go?

Whisky2014 · 14/04/2019 11:43

It sounds like the DC's friends are being invited to keep the children company and keep them out of the way

Exactly.
and it wasn't the parents who invited them, it was the kids who seem to have been allowed to choose.
So go or don't but its not a big deal.

HotpotLawyer · 14/04/2019 12:25

It could be the children who are organising and paying for the party: the OP did say that the children range into their twenties.

Anyway, I wouldn’t get all huffy about it, snub them and cause a family feud over it.

Just because the party hosts are family doesn’t mean that every event has to include all members of every extended family. You are not one amorphous unit with your kids.

Original poster
EWAB · 14/04/2019 13:45

Would you be sad though?

OP posts:
DDIJ · 14/04/2019 13:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 14:28

Sad for whom: your DC?

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 14:29

It does suggest that the host isn’t bothered about his/her nieces and nephews.

Whisky2014 · 14/04/2019 14:29

Sad? No. Why would you be?!

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 14:31

How many siblings does the host have?

By “family” DC do you mean nieces and nephews? what are the ages of the host’s DC and what are the number and ages of the “family” DC you think should be invited?

OKBobble · 14/04/2019 14:46

At my 50th I had 100 people friends and family many of whom had kids some similar ages to my own. It would have changed the nature of the party to let everyone bring their kids.

I did invite my god daughter and my sons chose one friend each, one of whom's parents were their as my guests.

YAB massively unreasonable to expect your kids to be invited. Go ahead and feel sad if you want (also unreasonable) or just don't go.

OKBobble · 14/04/2019 14:47
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