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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family Party

42 replies

EWAB · 14/04/2019 10:35

Totally prepared to be told that I am being unreasonable.... I know it’s not my party.
Very very close family member is having a birthday ending with a zero.
Family members are invited but not their children; the children range from totddlers to twenties.
Party giver has children within that age range too! They are obviously invited to their parent’s party... ok I get that BUT the party giver’s kids are inviting their friends.
I am upset that family children aren’t invited even though they get on with their cousins but random kids (some of whose parents aren’t invited) will be there.
I know, I know it’s not my party.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 14/04/2019 14:52

No, I get that if an adult is hosting a (say 50th) birthday party for their friends, that they don't want toddlers and little dc there. The fact their dc are all able to invite a friend or two each (who will presumably also be adults and not need looking after), isn't really relevant.
3 or 4 adults that are friends with their dc is a very different dynamic from 5 - 10 little kids.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 14/04/2019 16:00

It really depends on how close the family are.

I went to funeral this week of a 57yo friend. Personally I found it odd that his Dad (85) and his brother (83) - bother perfectly fit and able and living about 15 miles apart, barely ever met up, the first cousins hadn't seen each other in decades, and no one knew who each others children (in their 20's and 30's) were. How can you not know who your second cousins are? Baffled me.

Iruka · 14/04/2019 16:05

I have about 60 second cousins I have met most of them but would struggle to recognise a lot of them

Drum2018 · 14/04/2019 16:27

How can you not know who your second cousins are

I wouldn't have a clue who the majority of my second cousins are. I've done ancestry DNA and have been matched to second cousins who I've never heard of and wouldn't know who their parents are either. It's hardly unusual not to know your parents first cousins, let alone their kids.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 14/04/2019 16:31

You called your thread ‘Family Party’, but it’s not really a family party - it’s a party to which some family members are invited. Your children haven’t been excluded from a family occasion.

DDIJ · 14/04/2019 16:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

HotpotLawyer · 14/04/2019 19:18

“Would you be sad though?”

It depends. Are they your children’s grandparents? That is the only circumstance I would be a bit surprised about.

How old are your children?

R2G · 14/04/2019 19:21

If they each have a friend to the party it may be they are arranging for their kids to have sleepovers so they can carry on partying. It's not like it's a wedding. Don't get the issue.

Pinkprincess1978 · 14/04/2019 19:27

If my children were the same age as the hosts children and close to them I might be a little sad. It all depends on the family dynamics. For example, my brothers are not close to our cousins, if one of them had a big party they would probably invite our cousins but not the cousins children even though we all have children of the same age range(ish) whereas I am close and I would invite the children - as ours were close in age.

If your children are not close to the hosts children then no I wouldn't be sad. And I agree, this isn't a family party by the sounds of it but a birthday party with some family invited.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 14/04/2019 19:37

I think the key is that it's not a family party. The DC of the host presumably know their friends better than they know their cousins, so have chosen a friend or two each to have there?

No I wouldn't be sad. Are you going to go or not?

Tinkety · 14/04/2019 20:18

Yeah I agree with PP:

It’s not a family party but a birthday party of a family member so of course there will be non family members there. I’d be pretty pissed off if I had to invite my nieces & nephews - who I don’t socialise with on a peer to peer level - to the detriment of my friends, especially when it’s my milestone birthday

There are “tiers” of family & you can’t invite one aunty / uncle / cousin / niece / nephew & not the rest, so to be fair, entire tiers are not invited

As the birthday person’s children are going to to be there, it’s entirely appropriate that they get to invite age appropriate company however that company will not be family because of point 2 above

If all family members & friends are invited to every single occasion then they’d all be the size of weddings!!

How big their house is or how wealthy they are is irrelevant, everyone is allowed to budget even if they can afford to push the boat out

llangennith · 15/04/2019 00:27

Why be sad? You can get a sitter and go to the party and enjoy yourselves.

LagunaBubbles · 15/04/2019 00:34

If its Grandparents of course I would be upset, but not anyone else.

managedmis · 15/04/2019 00:42

Sad?

What will you do with your kids if you do go?

Original poster

EWAB · 15/04/2019 14:46

Thank you all for the replies. My children don’t need ‘sitting’ as they are older. Our family’s children all fit into the same age range of the the host’s children-a broad range of early twenties to primary school. My children would like to have gone for a catch up with the cousins.
I will go and will have a good time but my family members and I will see unrelated children of the same age as our children enjoying themselves with our children’s cousins. I am sad about it. 9 of that generation (plus 2 step children-late teens) as well as 5 of the host’s. I think it’s a shame that kids’ friends invited in stead of cousins... genuinely no behaviour problems.
Again thank you very much.

OP posts:

OKBobble · 16/04/2019 07:40

Well when you have your significant party you can make your own guest list. Seriously you need to stop with the whining over their kids being able to choose who they wanted there. If they were that close to your kids they would have chosen them but they didn't. Also I see my sons' best friends far more than nephews and nieces as they are in and out all the time and stay over etc. Your most recent post really wants me to say in the words of Derry Girls - catch yourself on!!

Loopytiles · 16/04/2019 19:13

How often do your DC see the host’s DC?

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