Flaky friends

[SparklySneakers]

Aibu to get annoyed at a friend who frequently cancels get togethers, arranges to meet straight after something but then decides to nip somewhere else in between yet manages to attend all the nights out they have planned with others?
I'm beginning to feel a bit of a mug to be honest.
The other week we arranged to meet on the one morning where I'm child free but only for a couple of hours so is a busy day for me. She's going through some relationship difficulties and I've been supporting her as much as possible. I got to the meeting place and waited half an hour. She wasn't answering texts so tried to call and no answer. She eventually text after I'd given and gone home to say she'd gone back to bed after the school run and her phone had been off. I was pissed off I'd wasted my limited free time and it's not the first time she's done similar.
Most times she arranges to meet then does something before that means she can't meet me for another half hour or so so I'm hanging round waiting.
Last night we'd arranged getting together for drinks and she cancelled saying her kids wouldn't let her go out
She has no trouble going out on big nights out with other friends from work or other friendship group.
Previously I've declined get togethers because of her doing this and think I'll have to again. I know she's going through a tough time but she keeps her commitments to everyone else.
I'm a mug aren't I?

She’s not that into you, I’m afraid.

Sounds like you like and value her a lot more than she does you.

I won’t be rushing to make arrangements to meet her again for a while if I was you.

Yes you are, sorry. She doesn't deserve your loyalty to her, so I would focus on other friendships.

You're a nice person but it's time to step back and focus on other friendships that are reciprocated.

I cut some of my so called friends out last year. Never looked back. Can do without their pretentiousness and oneupmanship 100%.

I would use these last few examples of why you are NOT making any more arrangements. If she starts with the but I'm going through a hard time, at but you managed to do XYZ. Your time is also precious OP. If you want to give her one last chance, suggests SHE makes an arrangement to come to you with wine and takeaway and see if it happens.

Wouldn’t bother arranging things with her.

I wouldn't bother with her. She obviously doesn't value your time.

You’re not a mug. You’re behaving like a reasonable friend. She’s behaving like a selfish, thoughtless pig though.

KC225 that's what was supposed to happen last night.
I feel like her personal therapist sometimes with her relationship issues. She needs to leave and knows it but keeps changing her mind. She texts me daily and always asks about me and my kids do not like it's all her but still.
I think I'll just back off.

I have a friend who constantly cancels/doesn't turn up for things. It got to the point where I was so frustrated and people would ask me why I bother, but I could sense it wasn't malicious and she wasn't dropping me for other people or a better offer. In that case, I eventually found out she has an anxiety thing where she gets so overwhelmed at the thought of letting someone down that she ends up doing it. We are still friends (although I hardly ever get to see her) but I love her just the way she is. She would never disrespect me so much as to cancel to do something else, and if she had, the friendship would never have lasted this long. Could you maybe talk to your friend and ask her if there's anything going on and explain how much it hurts you when she 'flakes out'. It might make her more aware of how awful she's behaved, or she won't care as she's a knob, or you might find out there's more to it.

She does have anxiety but she manages to fulfil her commitments to everyone else 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’re not a mug. You’re behaving like a reasonable friend. She’s behaving like a selfish, thoughtless pig though.
This ^^.

She doesn't deserve you and your time is best spent elsewhere

Slam that door hard in her face and spend your time with people who cherish your company.

Yanbu, you are not a priority to her. What do you get out of the friendship?

No advise but I'm going through the exact same thing, nice to see everyone's responses. Can't help but feel sad though x

She's a user! She'll meet you when she needs to talk and wants to treat you like a therapist, you are no use to her if she doesn't need to talk so she can't be added to meet. You deserve better

She's my only friend really and one I socialise with a handful of times a year. I'm a single parent with no childcare readily available so late nights out drinking aren't an option for me and that's not my scene anyway. We go to the odd gig together and meet for coffee in the day.
Not sure I get much out of it at all really 😩

I had a friend that would constantly make plans to meet me and then cancel them at the last minute. The thing I found most annoying was that it was her that made the plans in the first place! Flakiest person ever. Last straw was when she stood me up one time because she 'forgot'. I had to ask myself 'why am I giving this person so many chances and knocking my pipe out for them when they continually put me out and don't seem to care?'. People like that aren't friends. She did it to everyone though. But not me anymore! :)

I don't know what this persons reason could be for doing it to you alone though. Control? Either way there comes a time where whether they are aware of their behaviour or not, there is no making excuses for it. You have a life of your own and it isn't fair for them to keep inconveniencing you, no matter what's going on in their life. I'd wave bye bye to this 'friend'.

I think it's plain thoughtlessness and like many have said, she doesn't value my time.
She's text me today to say I'm a better therapist than the one she was seeing but stopped as too expensive I'm such an idiot. No more advice from me!

That’s so rude! Going back to bed and not even letting you know she was cancelling!

Time to back away from the friendship, which seems very one-sided.

I am afraid I would be pulling back from this 'friendship', not arrange anything anymore with her. She does nit sound like much of a friend, she is using yiu as her personal sounding board, what about her other friends, can't she talk to them! Or are tgey just for the good parts of her life, and you are just there when she needs you!

Time to step back. Just don't answer her messages quickly anymore. Stop arranging to meet. She's using her as an emotional cushion and then dumping you to go out with other mates. Fuck that.

Someone always trots out the anxiety excuse on here. I have terrible PTSD. So guess what? I don't make plans with people that I'm not going to be able to see through because being flakey is rude!!

Ideally, you could message her something like, 'I'm not feeling like this is a real friendship. Just feeling used by you. So it's time for me to move on' but if you can't then just stop answering her messages so readily or arranging to meet.

She's a user.

She's text me today to say I'm a better therapist than the one she was seeing but stopped as too expensive hmmI'm such an idiot. No more advice from me!

Sorry, but what a bitch! Yeah, no more fucking advice or listening to her. Just stop answering her messages or taking her calls. Respond later with 'Sorry, busy with life.' or 'Have a lot on now, talk maybe later'.