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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a dog

43 replies

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:16

I'm more of a yes and DH is more of a no.

Both animal lovers, lots of experience with dogs so I know what we'd be getting into.

Pros: I work from home so have lots of time, I'm very active, have a good size house & garden.
Cons: We travel on average once every 3 months for a week or two, I don't have a set daily routine, currently going through a lot of emotional trauma recovering from PTSD, we have infertility issues, and DH has some medical stuff (not serious but affects his energy) going on.

I struggle doing things alone. Even joining a yoga group for 1hr a week feels like a huge, big, scary thing I just can't face.

I'd like to foster or adopt a dog so I can fill my time a bit, get a routine, have something to love.

Are these selfish reasons and should I wait until life is a bit...less emotional?

OP posts:

Ladygloss · 13/04/2019 20:21

A dog might help with your issues. You'd be out and about walking him/her every day it's a great way to get talking to people. They're also brilliant company and so loving

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:33

Thanks Lady. That's one upvote!

OP posts:

Greeborising · 13/04/2019 20:35

What would you do when you travel? Kennels?

flyingspaghettimonster · 13/04/2019 20:36

Tricky... on the one hand you sound like a dog would really help you, bit on the other you would jeed to have a reliable nice place for it when you go away and also the potential adjustmebt if you do conceive and have a baby would be another issue...

On balance though, I think it sounds like you could use the love of a dog.

I can send you mine... he is 1 today and still as much of a douche as the day ue was born :) His name is ace, but he gets called Acehole normally because he is

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:37

If I fostered, I'd travel in-between fostering.

If I adopted, I'd not travel for 6 months to get the dog settled and then either kennels or a family member could look after them (retired dog-loving MIL).

OP posts:

Booboostwo · 13/04/2019 20:38

A dog might help but what if it doesn’t? What if you feel more stressed and you find it difficult to walk the dog?

Maybe try out BorrowMyDoggie and see how things go.

SweetLathyrus · 13/04/2019 20:39

Yessiry I got SweetDog in the middle of a period of depression (off work for almost six months). I couldn't face talking to people, or going out, but doggo not only gave me a reason, but he was also a focus for others. People talk to you when you have a dog, but what they want to know about is your dog, it takes the pressure off. I began to meet people , and now I have a big circle of dog walking friends. He is also so loving and barmy and mindful - remember the advertising slogan "Be more dog"? it's true!

As for DH, mine said I could get the dog but he wasn't getting involved - they are now mutually devoted!

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:39

@flyingspaghettimonster that bow! He's gorgeous. I'll send my address

OP posts:

Greeborising · 13/04/2019 20:39

Yes, BorrowMyDoggie is a good idea

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:41

What if you feel more stressed and you find it difficult to walk the dog?

I wouldn't have any problems walking a dog but I am worried about the stress of the extra responsibility.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 13/04/2019 20:41

Fostering sounds like it could really work, but would you cope with giving them up? Perhaps you could start with something like The Cinamon Trust, walking dogs for elderly or ill people. They even need fosterers for people going into hospital.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 13/04/2019 20:42

My ddog has saved me a million times over.

You’ll be able to find a reliable dog boarder or house/pet sitter for when you go away if you can afford it.

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:43

Fostering sounds like it could really work, but would you cope with giving them up?

Yes, I've fostered before (years ago) and it was hard when they were homed but I learnt a 'this isn't my dog I'm just looking after it for it's real owner' mindset.

OP posts:

IC4nSeeYourPixels · 13/04/2019 20:43

I think you both need to be in agreement and both should truly want a dog and not just him agreeing to make you happy as he could be come resentful of the dog and maybe you for pushing him to agree.

Saying that, my dog has absolutely changed my life. I was never ever a dog person, in fact I was phobic of them (still have issues but lots lots better). I have a chronic illness which gets me down a lot but the dog makes me smile every single day.! I used to gently tease people who treat their dog like a person and spent money on expensive toys and stuff and I'd secretly dislike them leaving their hair or slobber on me. I thought dogs in the bed with adult was rank and just didn't really like them at all.

I've done a total u turn and pets at home are having the last laugh as it's rare I come out of there spending less than £50.

She's my baby 😀😀. I don't miss not being able to go away whenever we want, and impulsive whole day trips out can't happen as we need to sort care for the dog but everyone in the house was in agreement and it's just as well because she's a pain in the arse sometimes

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:45

he could be come resentful of the dog and maybe you for pushing him to agree.

This is the biggest issue I think, totally agree. I need him to be 100 percent. He's not, so I feel held back.

OP posts:

BrilliantYou · 13/04/2019 20:49

What about fostering for guide dogs etc?

Sounds like you have a realistic expectation of what owing a dog involves. Do you know any local dog walkers/borders who could help out with walks or dog sitting for when you go away? Maybe this could help alleviate any concerns your DH has? It's a long term commitment and as lovely as it is there are times when you're sick etc and if your DH has issues with energy then having a plan in place is a good idea but personally I think the pros of having a dog more than out way the cons

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 13/04/2019 20:49

Would any of the travel be dog friendly?

AnnieMay100 · 13/04/2019 20:52

Could you offer home boarding for dogs? It’s an alternative to kennels and means you will get the love of dogs plus extra income. If you find it hard you can stop and you won’t have life long responsibilities to these dogs. If you enjoy it you know you’re on the right track to giving a dog a forever home. Dog walking is also good to build up to it.

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:53

Would any of the travel be dog friendly?

Yes, absolutely. But I would have to hope the dog was travel friendly! If not, then trusted family/kennels.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yessiry · 13/04/2019 20:56

Could you offer home boarding for dogs?

I love this idea. I've always had a bit of a pipedream about having a luxury home dog boarding business, where the dogs get their needs tailored to in terms of comfort, diet and exercise! With Skype sessions so the owners can 'chat' to their dogs when they're away...

OP posts:

peoplepleaser1 · 13/04/2019 21:29

@Yessiry I honestly think that many people find that owning a dog helps them with their MH.

A couple of things that might be worth considering:
Some dogs cope better than others without their owners and in kennels. You can never be sure but some breeds are more prone to separation anxiety than others. With this is mind if I would suggest aiming for a laid back breed that tends to cope better with changes in routine and separation.

Find a great kennels or home boarding set up. Obviously it's most important that your dog likes it, but also make sure you feel comfortable using them- as IMO worrying about leaving your beloved pet can spoil a holiday.

I have a Labrador who is very laid back and flexible. Some of this is luck, some of it is typical of his breed, and some is me shaping him from the start to experience lots of settings, travel well, sleep in a variety of places and cope well in kennels (by attending day care which he loved before progressing to overnight).

Some rescue cases may struggle with a kennels as they may associate them with a tough time from the past.

Given that you have said that you suffer with anxiety I'm not sure offering a home boarding service yourself would work for you. As a Dog walker who does occasional house sits I think it can actually be pretty stressful- you are looking after people's babies. These people can be extremely particular and many dogs are a challenge to care for. Some may expect to sleep in your bed, may be too anxious to settle and stay up all night, or may be reactive. In addition you now need a license to offer home boarding- the requirements for which are detailed and quite tricky (which is of course a great thing for Dog welfare).

Best of luck OP. I think Dog ownership is a wonderful thing .

Alwaysgrey · 13/04/2019 21:30

My dh wasn’t keen. I was more so. Our dog is amazing. He’s utterly wonderful and we all adore him even my dh who wasn’t convinced.

Cryalot2 · 13/04/2019 21:38

We were anti dog and I was always afraid of them. Then one stole my heart. Sometime after we heard of a dog been taken to stud . Puppies tried and we now own one . She is 2 now and we have and are going through torment, between stress and depression . Marriage has came to breaking point many times. Our little dog has saved us from ourselves . Our routine has changed and we have a car seat for her in the car.
She loves us unconditionally and we all love her. As dh said recently, you never could have imagined how we could love a cute wee dog so much.
Foster / adopt its up to you.
If you get one choose the breed carefully. I would say go x breed .
They can be expensive. As for hollering ours taps the door into the garden when she needs to go . I just wish we had got a pet flap in the door .
Wishing you well

Slicedpineapple · 13/04/2019 21:46

A dog might help with some of your issues. Everyone I know who was struggled with infertility and had a dog has found the dog has been a huge comfort to them. They are known to help with anything mental health related also.
I have a chronic pain condition, and my dog doesn't leave my side on a bad day. I can safely say in the time we have had him he's taught me to see life from a different perspective and done wonders for me.

But this

We travel on average once every 3 months for a week or two

Would be my reason for not getting one, unless you can take the dog. I'm all for people going on holiday and the dog going to family, friends, or a boarder but one or two weeks that frequently is a lot and might be a bit unsettling for the dog on a regular basis.

Slicedpineapple · 13/04/2019 21:49

A lot of people would go for this service - myself included. I generally class my dog as my 'first born' and am incredibly fussy with who to leave him with (I've only ever left him with one friend). A service tailored to each dog rather than a general boarding service where they just happen to be at your house is a big deal and worth paying extra for.

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