Think I’ve upset MIL re DD and sugar

[Cinnao]

DD is nearly three and she does get sweet treats but I limit them and she certainly doesn’t have sugar (apart from fruit) every day.

My MIL is the loveliest woman and I adore her, she’s wonderful with DD who also adores her and she very kindly looks after her one day a week so that I can study.

The problem is, while she’s there the sweets and cakes are non stop (I get told about it so I know, and we were there together all day today so I saw it first hand)

I have told her that I don’t want DD having so many sweet things, that once a day is fine but no more, but this doesn’t seem to register.

Today she went to give DD her third chocolate of the day and I said no, that’s enough, but ten minutes later when DD hurt herself and started crying MIL rushed in offering her options of sweet things (she chose cake and was give two). I felt it was too cruel to say no then as DD had immediately stopped crying at the prospect but not only was it more sugar, I’m really uncomfortable with offering junk food as a comfort as surely this could cause an unhealthy association hurt/pain/sad= something sweet to eat?!

I’m really not as precious as I might sound, DD is allowed to have the odd sugary thing but this really is all day long at least one day a week.

I mentioned it to DH with the intention of saying something again to MIL tactfully but unfortunately he was a bit blunt with his DM about it over the phone and said she didn’t sound happy.

I feel really bad now, I don’t want her to feel criticised as I love her and am so appreciative of what she does.

What’s the best thing to do?

Once a week is actually a lot to have a full blown sugar fest.

It doesn't matter if it's 'what grandmas do'. The fact is now you've asked her to cut down she must respect that. Whether she does or not will tell you a lot about her and guide your next step.

My ds tends to get spoilt on chocolate and sweet thingswith aunties and uncles. we've just put our foot down over treats to be more healthy (both of the chocolate spoilers who now have little ones of their own are very much chocolate is a sin 😂😂😂)

I never understand the acceptance that grandparents can just give 'treats' when really it is a contribution to unhealthy rating and negative food associations. OP has evidenced that GP gives sweet things to appease child when hurt. If that isn't a negative food association I do not kniw what is.

It doesn't matter if its free child care or not. OP had previously politely went through restrictions yet GP continued.

I would seek alternative child care so you dont have to stress about it.

You seem to be doing a good job as you've not made sweets chocolate into a bribe or treat. Unlike GP who seems to rely on it.

Also as a pp gas suggested you should not apologise about your husband or come up with a list. GP seems fine with everything else apart from sweets.
Apologising makes it look like you and your husband didn't make the joint decision. If he feels bad he should say sorry about his delivery but explain that the point still stands.

I agree its not about sugar. Its a trust issue and if she's continuing to do this when you may have asked her not to in front of your child, or when your child knows you don't approve - its also undermining you with your child.

You are worried about offending your MIL, but by continuing to ignore your requests, which are based on your child's well being, she is offending you. You get on well with her, so have a polite chat with her, rather than leave it up to your OH who has made a Horlicks out of it. If you can't trust her not to keep ignoring your requests going behind your back and doing things that you think are not good for your child, then you can't trust her at all.

I had a siimilar battle with my DM, she was using sweets to unecessarily bribe DS1 to do things and continued to do so despite repeated requests, interfering with the most basic daily tasks. When she popped upstairs to "quiet" him in his cot with a mini mars bar I had to call a halt. It was not popular but enough was enough. The other side of bribing, withholding a treat, is a kind of threat too.. It wasn't about the sweets.