My children's diet is my choice

[Alx7]

AIBU to think what my children eat shouldn't be up to other people, or be open to criticism.

My children don’t go crazy after sugar, to be honest I thought this had been disproved?

It has.

www.fatherly.com/health-science/theres-no-thing-sugar-rush-according-science/
www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth

Certain artificial colours (E102, E104, E110, E122, E124 and E129) often found in boiled sweets have been linked to hyperactivity (though this hasn't been definitively proven) and in the EU, foods containing them must carry a warning stating that they 'may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children'.

I know a child that is on a super restricted diet. No carbs or sugar pass her lips. She eats raw veg every day and she is very thin and hates the fact she her food is different to the other kids at school etc. Her mum believes carbs are sugar of any kind is poison. She hates her mum.I think that's as bad as feeding the child junk.

I've always fed my kids Weetabix from little. Made into wheat "porridge" with hot water to soften it and either cows or baby milk. No problems. Never before 6 months and not as the bulk of their diet, though.

As regards chocolate etc. I have relaxed a lot about this and mostly think that it's about balance. But that's my choice as their Mother, not for somebody else to decide. Their grandparents know that I don't mind.

My kids are really fussy so probably eat too much "junk." I don't mind if they eat chicken nuggets, fishfingers, pizza, sausage rolls, a fair amount of bread and cereal. They are burning that energy off and I'm happy they are fed. Likewise, I'm happy with what they are fed at school and nursery. Even the cake and custard! There are places where we have control and others where we have to let it go a bit, especially as they get older.

As I said previously the kids are allowed sugar, just not daily. That being said I wouldn't feed a 2 year old an entire easter egg. We speak about foods that make you 'feel good' or 'fuel your body'.

They range in age between 2-9. Obviously the 9 year old has far more control, can have what he likes at birthday partys, the odd treat at the supermarket. Again not 2 chocolate chip cookies and an easter egg.

How often does it happen, OP?

Whenever she sees them - usually a couple of times a month, sometimes more.

I've expressed my view but to no avail clearly.

Couple of times a month- don’t sweat the small stuff. Couple of times a week- then take action.

I think portion control is more important. I would never allow my DC to have 2 pieces of cake for instance-obvious to me but I see kids doing this a lot and parents allowing it.. I only gave them crisps in their packed lunches on Fridays. I made small homemade muffins with half the sugar(doesn't affect the bake at all btw) to put in their lunch boxes now and then. Sweets were treats(weekly not daily) Both are teens now and slim and healthy and are sensible around food.

I remember 'Cjhild of our Time' where they showed that the 'hyperactivity related to sugar' is much more about the context in which sugar is given (parties, treats) than to the sugar itself.

Are you sure that the 'loopiness' is due to the sugar, or is it more likely be due to the excitement of 'Grandma secretly gave us food that Mum won't let us eat....let's be very silly!"?

It does sound excessive. But sadly some grandparents think they are buying their own grandchildren's love with sugar. My DM would always give my 2 biscuits AND cake after school but luckily it was only an occasional pick-up. Why don't they read to them or do something else?

Mine are similarly over keen on sugar. But it doesn’t sound like it’s that often that it’s happening so I would leave it. I ignore what she eats at my ILs as they’re so helpful to us and it’s not like it’s every day or even every few days. I do believe in limiting sugar as it is not good for you so I try to encourage the thinking that it’s one of those things you have to learn to enjoy in small quantities

No food is off limits to.my two... they are 3 and 1.

Both love fruit (berries and melon especially but happy with all.fruit!) and natural yoghurts. They often share a packet of quavers with a cheese sandwich and cherry tomatoes for lunch.
Breakfast is usually cereal (i buy the variety packs) and dinner might be veg pasta, sausage and mash with peas, one night is usually a "freezer" tea of oven chips and fish fingers or nuggets... the 3 year old is ice cream.mad atm so today as a treat we visited the ice cream parlour. He loved it!

They are happy to.drink water but if we go out for a meal and im having a wine or a diet coke then I'll get them a squash or the odd fruit shoot.

I've had people judge before and quite frankly was livid as someone seeing a photo of an ice cream or biscuit only see a small snapshot.

Yes, sugar making children hyperactive is a myth. Certain additives have been linked to hyperactivity, as pp said, but only in children with hyperactivity, rather than causing hyperactivity from nowhere.

In what way do your kids react strongly to sugar op? I ask because I have 5 kids and I honestly have never seen any change in them after they've had a couple of biscuits or a piece of cake.
I think most of us are doing our best to nourish our kids as healthily as we possibly can,but that banning foods is counter productive,because as soon as children are able to choose for themselves they will naturally go for all the foods that you've tried to ban them from. Saying all that it is your choice whilst they're still young and your MIL should respect your stance whether she agrees with it or not.

I can remember my uncle, who's daughter is only two years older than dd1 judging me for letting her have a fruit shoot when we went out for dinner when the girls were about 2 and 4. It really annoyed me that he felt the need to judge my choices out loud to everyone.

They are now 14 and 16 and it's not my dd who's over weight. Limitting foods will only make them crave them more when they are old enough to make their own choices.

Limiting a food gives it a power that it doesn’t deserve. It is just food. Treat it as something inconsequential and your children will do the same.

Limiting a food gives it a power that it doesn’t deserve

This.

And now you're turning it into a war zone over a couple of times a month.

Teach your children to eat in moderation. The way you're going on you're storing them up for a life time of trouble.

This thread has inspired me. We’ve all had American style chocolate pancakes for pudding. I’ve been meaning to make them for ages and never got round to trying the recipe (found after a US holiday last year.) They were a ridiculously unhealthy choice. But they were ONE choice. And something we don’t do often. But by god they were delicious.

I think overexcitement with sugar is just overexcitement at the situation, seen grandma, eaten some exciting delicious food.

I think within reason a child's diet is the parents choice unless there is harm caused by the diet. A child isn't a possession and parents don't have the right to do whatever they want to the child because they are the parents, because essentially if the diet is too restrictive or too unrestrictive you are harming another human being (not saying this is the case with OP).

I would probably relax a bit about the sugar, by treating it as forbidden fruit you are really building it up in the childrens heads.

Agree. Just relax a bit about it all.

AGAIN as said previously they are allowed sugar but why would you give a two year old an entire (large) easter egg with chocolate bars. We talk often as a family about choices and fuelling your body along with 'x makes me feel good' and unfortunately 'sweets make me feel sick'.

Regardless of sugar being disproven of making kids hyper active (maybe is cocoa I don't know) mine react strongly - despite the fact I never give a reaction in front of them. When I say react strongly all 4 of them do with the youngest two usually reacting in some kind of crying upset about it with otherwise is very uncommon.

I hate to point out sugar has also been proven as a highly addictive substance - and as someone who has battled this for years I'm in no hurry for my kids to join the cycle when I have no doubt that in a few years this will be akin to various other addictions (if this isn't already on it's way.)

But it's twice a month

If your MIL won't respect your parenting rules, then don't allow her unsurpervised time with your children.

Pretty simple.

I respect the fact that you're attempting to limit excess sugar intake and the attendant potential for dependence/emotional eating/gut issues/endochrine issues etc.

But what's happening now - where you heavily restrict sugar and 'fun' MIL allows and even encourages them to gorge on it indiscriminately, is actually supporting the 'indulgent feast' vs. deprivational self-denial dynamic that is virtually guaranteed to engender the exact sort of unhealthy, compulsive attitude to sugar/junk food that you're trying to prevent.

With your goals, what I'd want to be doing is reducing sugar intake overall as a lifestyle choice, but introducing it to them on occasion in a nutrition-focussed but relaxed and non-emotionally laden way that teaches them moderation and self-regulation.

@Alx7 you know your DC better than anyone else and if you see them react to sugar, they react to sugar.

DD7 reacts to sugar, not emotionally but physically - aside from being more tired and sluggish, in particular her PH balance messes up and she ends up with a sore vulva (like thrush or start if a water infection).

It is also linked with how much water she drinks but we know that pattern and how much sweet things she eats at MIL’s and she does too now she’s older.

As others have said, everything in moderation. It’s DC’s choice how many sugary foods they choose from a birthday buffet table but it is a parents‘ responsibility to teach children about healthy choices, control and moderation, and importantly also about exercise.

NB. I know I’m judged when we go for a meal out, perhaps twice a month, as I allow the DC a drink of their choice eg Diet Coke (not full fat), lemonade, juice etc. I can see the judgement from serving staff. What don’t people know is that we don’t even buy or have those drinks in our house, they drink water all of the time! It really pisses me off being judged when I know it is a treat and not a common occurrence.

I have never restricted sugar or sweets.

An open sweet cupboard.

Instead we focus on food that tastes delicious, cooking and eating food that tastes a great deal better than factory produced confectionary.

Currently my DD has a full unopened box of chocolates in her bedroom given to her at christmas time.

My children rarely eat sweets. I keep a cupboard in the kitchen which contains chocolate, biscuits etc, eaten mostly by my mother and her friends.
I don't do food battles.