Toddler at Slimming World

[dreamalittlebiggerdarling]

Hi all

Bit of a sensitive situation. At the group I go to there’s a very nice lady who tends to bring her toddler with her. It’s an evening group and I appreciate there may not be any alternatives (although sometimes she comes alone) but it’s becoming more of a problem as he’s getting louder and more mobile. Lots of running around, shouting, throwing things, wandering up to others and grabbing them, playing with the props etc. His mum does try to shush him/walk around with him, bounce him about etc. but the noise makes it hard to hear others and it’s distracting when he’s running around or playing with things.

I’m not sure what to do about this. I don’t want to offend anyone or obstruct the mum’s journey/access or anything but it’s so frustrating to essentially be having group in a crèche. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Would you speak quietly to the leader or not?

@MadameDD I think weight loss is incredibly important so everyone should be given the opportunity. If someone really can't hear what is said at the moment, why not just ask for it to be repeated? The woman in question sounds reasonable in that she will take her child out for a walk or something if he/she is getting really loud. I think a blanket ban on kids is more harmful than necessary. I think if it was another situation and children weren't allowed, I would not go. I also think about how hard getting access to childcare can be and I know I feel intimidated quite a bit already about what people might get offended by when it comes to toddlers. Child free people have nearly everything catered to them, and that's fine but I really think weight loss meetings should be inclusive. Wouldn't you rather that mother lose weight than need insulin from the NHS? We should all be more sympathetic towards each other.

I'd play with the kids like I have done in past SW and WW groups, but that's me.

'Child free people have nearly everything catered to them'

Oh my word, that's quite a claim! It certainly doesn't feel like it from where I'm standing care to share some examples?

Lottapianos - in most scenarios whilst a child is involved - of course a tablet is used with cartoons on full blast LOL.

I'm not going to lie and say very occasionally I have an ipad for my DD when out in public - but she always has headphones or if on bus etc and no headphones then it's turned down low.

I see awful behaviour though the other day a little girl approx. 3 was with her 2 mothers (lesbian couple I think) and first off she was fine, then she started climbing and jumping and took off her trainers (which were dirty) and socks on the higher seats at the back of a Routemaster bus - wasn't taking notice of her mummies and wasn't noisy but if the bus had braked suddenly - as one mummy said to her - she could be hurt. My DD I hate to say it - she's taken off shoes etc and climbs around a bit but she listens to what I say (well tends to) and on one occasion I actually took her off the bus as she was being really naughty and told her we'd wait until she was better behaved. Luckily her DF (my DH) drove to collect us but she was shocked a bit that I'd actually followed through and got angry with her! And yes, I've done the 'don't do that sweetie etc' but it only works sometimes with kids!

Notholidays - I'm an older mother but I appreciate that not everyone loves/loved my DD when she was younger and I appreciate that a loud, running around child isn't everyone's cup of tea!

If a whole class if disrupted by this mother shushing etc her child and the OP can't hear the leader then that isn't fair on the OP! why doesn't the other mother do as some other people attending these classes do and just take him along to weigh ins? It's not the mother's fault or the kid's fault really but it is on her to provide childcare - what does she do if she works etc re childcare? This is just convenient scenario for her to bring him along to.

I'm childfree because I had a cancer scare and hysterectomy at 32. So again, can we please show each other some courtesy on this thread? It isn't about childfree vs parents.

For the record, when I said she takes the child for a walk, I mean around the room, not outside. I wouldn't expect her to leave the room and miss out on the group, even temporarily. I could ask for things to be repeated but I'd have to do that a lot, as it's fairly persistent noise (normal for a bored toddler).

@Lottapianos just thinking about when I was child free... Flights, restaurants, theatres, tourist attractions etc were all so much easier without the risk of any wrath from judgy people before I had kids. Since I have had kids, I have noticed that many people seem to delight in getting offended by seeing children in these types of places. Now that's fine and I agree, I don't take my kids in to Starbucks for example but I feel weight loss is so important for everyone, the survival of our NHS and whatnot, that we should try to be as inclusive as possible when it comes to that.

'of course a tablet is used with cartoons on full blast LOL.'

Why the LOL? Why is it ok to inflict this noise on everyone else?

@NoHolidaysforyou

How would these meetings work if all the mums took their children? I'd be a bit peeved if I had arranged a babysitter and then another mum turns up with her child and proceeds to disrupt the meeting.

I’m going to hazard a guess that if this woman is bringing her child along and walking around the room etc that she’s probably not paying a great deal of attention to whatever is being said in the group.

I’d mention it to the group leader, op. You seem like a really nice person who would phrase it in a way that wouldn’t come over as complaining. If I was the leader, I’d want people to bring things to my notice if there were any problems.

@LittleChristmasMouse

If we adopt a blanket ban of children from all meetings, how would that work for mothers that can't get childcare? We just tell them tough when they need a CPAP to breathe or insulin injections? Something tells me that would cost our country more than a person who gets distracted to ask the group leader a couple questions to repeat what he/she said because they aren't sure of what was said.

@AllesAusLiebe I think weight loss is more about head space than anything else. She might attend because she wants to feel included/supported so it gives her a morale boost to feel like she can be successful.

Personally I lost my weight through low carb. I developed gestational diabetes and needed to lose weight. There were a couple nights where I woke up because I could feel I wasn't breathing and I would not wish that on anyone. Whatever anyone needs to do to get healthy, I think we should support that 🤷 I'm honestly putting myself in both positions in my head, and while I would have also been annoyed and have been annoyed of people letting their kids be disruptive, it would not outweigh the need to lose weight after I had kids. I also personally have struggled to get childcare recently, so I feel like I can kind of understand why this is happening a bit more.

@dreamalittlebiggerdarling does the speaker not let you ask questions towards the end of the meeting? Or does this lady sit in the back with her child? Maybe it would be worth sitting closer to the speaker?

I have to take my daughter to slimming world with me. As soon as she starts to get fussy I politely excuse myself and I put her in the pram in the hallway outside of the room incase she kicks up a fuss! She's only 11 months old but can be pretty noisy if she wants to be!

I take my 4-month-old to my WW group. He is usually so quiet but if he did begin to cry I or my mum would remove him from the room. Other people want to hear the leader talk not him cry.

I am paranoid about him making noise and disturbing other, though. Anywhere, anytime.

@NoHolidaysforyou

Well, as SW and WW aren't compulsory, run lots of meetings at different times and in different locations I would imagine that most people who wanted to go, and were motivated to go, would find child care. If they couldn't then they can do it on line or as others said just go and get weighed.

I highly doubt that the NHS is about to be over run by mothers without childcare who can't go to a SW meeting.

Do the other members not count? They are paying for something that they aren't getting.

*@LittleChristmasMouse

I highly doubt that the NHS is about to be over run by mothers without childcare who can't go to a SW meeting.*

The NHS is already overrun with an obesity crisis and a diabetes epidemic. People will use any excuse to not eat healthily and if they're banned from SW or whatever, then why not say screw it and get a McDonalds? Yes they could try to fit meetings around childcare but it's not always that simple. My children's nursery will only take my children on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday for a few hours in the morning. I have asked for other times before and I was told no. I have called other nurseries but we would need to also wait and see if they can get the staff because of ratios. Maybe there's no meetings around time that's been allotted to childcare or maybe the mother works during those hours? I'm not sure I've never done SW but I am an advocate for health and weight loss. The other paying members still get to be at the meeting, and I'm sure they can ask questions otherwise what would be the point of a meeting? It's a bit dramatic to say they get absolutely nothing from the meeting just because a mother's child makes noise every once in a while, and I'm pretty sure a reasonable mother would keep to the back of the room, would try to quiet the baby/toddler and would step out for a second if the child got really loud.

I've taken a baby to a morning group but not a toddler to an evening one, IYSWIM?

If it was me I would have rung ahead to see if it was ok to bring a toddler, and checked with the group as well.

SW and WW aren't compulsory, run lots of meetings at different times and in different locations

Why doesn't this apply to the OP though? She's chosen to join a group that is child friendly and wants the leader to change the rules to suit her. If she doesn't like it she can join another group, or as you suggest go online.

@NoHolidaysforyou

I doubt that the numbers of women who can't get a babysitter, can't go to any other meeting and can't loose weight unless they attend the whole meeting are so great as to bankrupt the NHS do you?

I'm not sure. I really loved slimming world for allowing women to bring their kids along. My husband works 12hr days and we dont really have any child care. Quite often idve not been able to go along if they didnt allow kids.
Saying that though I never stayed to the full group once mine were past 2yo as they would not have kept quiet through it.
I think it is quite selfish for someone to repeatedly stay to group with a toddler... I'd let it go if it were once in a blue moon... but if it were every single week then I think I would probably have a quiet word.

@LittleChristmasMouse the NHS is already pretty much bankrupt. I wouldn't want to add more unhealthy people to the referral lists if it could be helped other ways.

@NoHolidaysforyou

But the numbers are so tiny that they won't make any difference and might well be cancelled by the numbers without children at the meeting who stop going.

What's wrong with the mum just going to get weighed and then leaving so that everyone else that's paid can participate?

I rang ahead before coming to the meeting (morning one) and asked if I could bring my then 9 month old. They said absolutely and I'd have everyone fussing over her! Which was true. They all loved having her there. I had to stay for the whole meeting that day as it was my first one and they wanted to weigh me at the end. DD started to get noisy so I just breastfed her to keep her quiet as I didn't know what else to do! If I didn't have to stay I would have left at that point.

I'm now spending more time correcting things than engaging with people so I'm going to say thank you for all that have contributed and bow out. I'm not trying to make the leader change the rules - firstly there doesn't seem to be a rule at all and secondly I've said countless times that I don't want the mum to be shamed out of group by a ban on kids. I was posting to see if anyone had any experience. I probably won't raise it given the possible costs to the NHS...!