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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler at Slimming World

81 replies

dreamalittlebiggerdarling · 12/04/2019 11:09

Hi all

Bit of a sensitive situation. At the group I go to there’s a very nice lady who tends to bring her toddler with her. It’s an evening group and I appreciate there may not be any alternatives (although sometimes she comes alone) but it’s becoming more of a problem as he’s getting louder and more mobile. Lots of running around, shouting, throwing things, wandering up to others and grabbing them, playing with the props etc. His mum does try to shush him/walk around with him, bounce him about etc. but the noise makes it hard to hear others and it’s distracting when he’s running around or playing with things.

I’m not sure what to do about this. I don’t want to offend anyone or obstruct the mum’s journey/access or anything but it’s so frustrating to essentially be having group in a crèche. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Would you speak quietly to the leader or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamalittlebiggerdarling · 12/04/2019 12:22

Thanks for the recent dissenting replies - they reflect the other side of my inner conflict really well. I'm conscious that women do tend to join SW after having babies (the leader herself did) and that therefore they're likely to be a part of group given the modern world/childcare etc. I don't think I'm more important than anyone else's health, absolutely not - it's just unfortunate that I can't really hear what I'm paying to listen to, if that makes sense, It'd be good if there was a play area there but it's not a big room (church hall) and there's usually only 1 toddler so wouldn't be fun for him anyway I don't think.

I'll give it more thought. It's a tough one to solve!

OP posts:
Groovee · 12/04/2019 12:31

Our class has a few mums who run and go because of childcare.

My friend had to bring her toddler last summer when there was childcare issues. Some nights it was too much for him and she would leave. We have had a few babies in prams who have been fab.

The morning class has a corner for the children to go in and play. The parents take it in turns to watch over them. So no one misses too much.

We have older children who come to class and usually have their iPads or a tablet to watch while class is on.

I would speak to the consultant but my consultant is good at getting toddlers to sit down and not be too much of a disturbance.

cadburyegg · 12/04/2019 12:42

YANBU I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and go to weight watchers every week. If my DH is working late i obviously have to take them with me for weigh in but I don’t stay for the meeting with them. So not having childcare isn’t an excuse.

pigsDOfly · 12/04/2019 13:05

It seems that some poster think the weight loss of mothers is more important than the weight loss of everyone else.

All the people attending these group are spending their money on a service that they're entitled to receive, regardless of their circumstances and the weight loss of each one of them is just as important.

Why should they have to sit there uncomplaining, when they're struggling to hear what's being said over the sounds of a noisy or disruptive child.

I'm sure no one would be happy if a member turned up with their radio and insisted on playing it so that others in the group couldn't hear the leader.

For a lot of people going to these kind of groups it's a little bit of time that they can have for themselves each week away from the commitments of their busy lives.

TheDarkPassenger · 12/04/2019 13:10

Ours always had toddlers in, everyone was nice and kind about it and played with them and stuff, it was a nice, kind welcoming attitude and I think that’s why as a group we were so successful with weight loss

Picklypickles · 12/04/2019 13:11

Plenty of mums with babies/toddlers and older children in our group, sometimes they are noisy. It doesn't seem to bother anyone in our group, most of us are mums ourselves and so have some empathy.

What do you want to happen here, do you want her to give up and not come anymore because you've got a stick up your ass?

CalmDownPacino · 12/04/2019 13:11

I think the mother's health (weight loss) is far more important than the annoyance of a few other people who choose to involve themselves in how she should or shouldn't have her child around them

Oh right. What about the weight loss of the other people who can't hear because of her child?

Cheby · 12/04/2019 13:12

I’m ok my third SW group; one daytime one while on mat leave and 2 evening ones. All have had kids present. I don’t bring mine now but I did, the groups are inclusive and leaders have always been welcoming to families IME.

CalmDownPacino · 12/04/2019 13:13

What do you want to happen here, do you want her to give up and not come anymore because you've got a stick up your ass?

What a nice helpful comment.

Maybe the OP would like this person to keep her kid quiet so that all of the other people, who have paid to be there and are also trying to improve their health, can hear the talk and the info that the leader is giving them. Shocking I know.

SpriggyTheHedgehog · 12/04/2019 13:14

Wanting to hear the instructor is exactly what the OP is paying for. It doesn't mean that she has a stick up her ass because she expects to be able to do so.

Guyliner · 12/04/2019 13:15

Seems a shame for her to miss out if she has no help. Maybe the leader can suggest she let the toddler use her phone with a video on it (you can download stuff from netflix to watch offline) and sit there with headphones? If she doesn't I@m sure people will complain soon enough and she will lose the opportunity.

Madein1995 · 12/04/2019 13:16

I pick groups based on children, or rather how group members manage their children. In my group, small crying babies are passed between women trying to shush them while mum weighs. Older children are distracted by quiet toys or Peppa pig. Children definitely aren't left free to shout and run around making a nuisance.

In my old group, groups of parents would stand talking and let their kids run riot. Shouting, pulling products off tables, jumping on and off scales, being a nuisance. The parents just left them to it a d couldn't be bothered to step in and parent their children. The leader let them crack on.

My old group was actually more convenient for me. But I dont enjoy an evening disrupted by children. They're not perfect Nd I understand that, but parents just letting their kids crack on isn't Great.

My current meeting is child friendly. As I said older women try and calm baby to give mum a rest. Toddlers are entertained. Difference is the parents don't let the kids run. Riot.

I would tell your consultant op. If she dies nothing then I would go to a different group

WillowUfgood · 12/04/2019 13:18

Honestly I think it depends on the child and the group. I have always taken my DD (now 4) since the age of 2. She's never been a bother, sits quietly and plays quietly with her tablet (if I've remembered it) or doing her writing/numbers book. We have a few littlies in our group, and for the most part they're very well behaved. If mine and the other DD (similar age) start running around they're told to come sit. And they do. Our consultant is great with them, they look forward to having stickers for being good.

I've had to weigh in at an early morning group a few times (Just after school run) but only weighed, didn't stay. It was incredibly loud, kids everywhere. Dread to think what those groups are like to try and stilt through.

WillowUfgood · 12/04/2019 13:18

Stilt? Sit.

keepforgettingmyusername · 12/04/2019 13:20

'They can do slimming world online if they don’t have childcare.'

Yeah, women with children should just never leave the house except for school run and softplay Biscuit

Amongstthetallgrass · 12/04/2019 13:20

Wow that child must be really loud to drown out the entire talk Hmm

SpriggyTheHedgehog · 12/04/2019 13:26

Children are often louder than adults and higher pitched so their voice really carries. It's only one person talking at a time, (or should be)so I have absolutely no trouble believing that the kid is drowning out the noise.

Original poster
dreamalittlebiggerdarling · 12/04/2019 13:31

No, I don't want her to stop coming, I don't want her to feel ashamed, I don't want to confine her to her house, I don't have a stick up my arse (I don't think! Grin), and I didn't say the kid drowned out the entire talk. But it echoes and is distracting so I miss things.

I really am trying to be balanced and I've said a few times that I'm conscious of the specific feminist issues involved here, so would appreciate some courtesy. I probably will just leave it as there's no real solution to it that wouldn't be unfair to her, but it doesn't mean it's not frustrating for me too.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 12/04/2019 13:32

'I don’t think it’s appropriate to have children at a slimming club! '

I agree. It's a service for paying adults. I would not be amused if someone brought their kids along. Fine to get weighed and then go, not fine to stay and have your kids running around, throwing things, yelling or watching stuff on phones with the sound on Hmm if you don't have any childcare, well that's unfortunate but why should the rest of the group miss out because they cant hear what's being said?

PCohle · 12/04/2019 14:13

I think it's tricky OP and you are being very thoughtful and measured.

Personally I think kids at slimming world are pretty standard, and this woman has probably been told that her child is welcome.

It's unfortunate that it's spoiling your experience but you're free not to attend if that's the case. It's not fair to join a group and insist they change their existing rules (children welcome) to suit you.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 12/04/2019 15:15

Yeah, women with children should just never leave the house except for school run and softplay biscuit

You’re right! That’s EXACTLY what I said. There is literally nowhere else to go that is appropriate to take children and where they’re not getting in the way of other people getting what they need from the group.
Women with children must only engage with the outside world via the internet in case their child disturbs someone else.

Don’t be so silly! I have four dc. I manage to do plenty of things and live a full life without dragging them to watch people getting applauded for weight loss and overhearing conversations about diets.

MadameDD · 12/04/2019 15:39

*NotHolidaysForYou - ok childcare isn't as plentiful as everyone makes it out to be but say if you were going to a place that definitely didn't allow children but you paid for it too, what would you do then? Do you think your need to lose weight and not have childcare trumps the other people attending?

I do think personally if the leader of these groups allows babies and children then all well and good if the other members of the group agree to let them come but if someone says they would prefer it (for whatever reason) that they didn't come - the kids, surely the other members - who do pay after all, wishes, count in these cases. A leader of these groups relies on regular attendance and whilst she may accommodate kids if other members don't like it then she has to make her own call re allowing them.

MadameDD · 12/04/2019 15:42

What could happen as a compromise in this case is maybe the leader could ask if anyone else has childcare issues e.g. bringing kids along - if there was a need then she could maybe arrange a play area - though OP says not much room - but then that solution brings up other issues - who minds them when they're playing etc - would be ideal if an older teenager agreed to mind them. Noise if in one room though would still be a problem. and yes kids tend to be noisy.

Sirzy · 12/04/2019 15:51

Consultants get commission based on how many weigh and not how many stay.

I have had to leave mid group before now because I haven’t been able to focus due to children being left to run around or watch Peppa Pig (why is it always Peppa Pig?) full blast.

When ds is on school holidays I weigh and go, or if I can I arrange childcare.

If your child will happily sit silently then great. If they won’t or they start to disrupt things then leave. Don’t expect everyone to enjoy watching your child wreck the room!

Lottapianos · 12/04/2019 15:56

'or watch Peppa Pig (why is it always Peppa Pig?) full blast.'

Why in the name of sanity do parents think this is remotely acceptable, and why do the group leaders not ask them to turn it down? FFS, some people Hmm

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