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AIBU?

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Original poster

22 year old dating a 17 year old..

30 replies

JK2012 · 11/04/2019 20:00

What’s your opinions?

My brother is 22 and has recently started seeing a girl aged 17.

I don’t have a problem with it myself. I’m a female and I was 16/17 I dated a 20 year or, when I was 18 a 23 year old. When I was 19 I dated a 29 year old. (Clearly the relationships didn’t last very long 😂) but I’m now in a long term relationship and have kids with someone 12/13 years older than me.

She seems quite mature when I met her. My brother hasn’t had many girlfriends and he is quite immature regarding relationships it seems.

My family aren’t quite so keen but they didn’t seem so worried when I always dated older men? 🤣

OP posts:
Snowdropheaven · 11/04/2019 20:03

I always find it strange when someone in their 20's dates a teenager. Especially as she's not even legal to drink. If she was 20 and he 25 then the 5 years wouldn't seem so bad. I guess if they're happy then that's the main thing!

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 11/04/2019 20:04

17 sounds young but is she almost 18 or just 17? I was 18 when I met DH and he was 24. We got some stick from his friends but because we could all go to pub there was no harm done. At 17 you can still be at school or you can be at uni, living alone and sneaking into the pub. It depends what kind of 17 she is IMO.

olderthanyouthink · 11/04/2019 20:04

Huh I'm 23 and a 17/18 year old seems too young (even before I had a baby) BUT I just realised when I was 19 I went out with a 25 year old and he didn't seem much older... forgot about him Hmm

SachaStark · 11/04/2019 20:05

I don’t think I’d be too worried. This was the exact age difference between now DH and I when we started dating. He was much more appealing to me as a very “old head on young shoulders” 17-year-old than the idiots I went to sixth form with.

So long as he is respectful of her, and she isn’t a vulnerable, very young 17-year-old.

stayathomer · 11/04/2019 20:05

I think age gaps are fine with older people but at 22 when people are in college/ working years I have to admit there's a lifetime of difference between the two

Katinkka · 11/04/2019 20:06

Seems fine to me.

adaline · 11/04/2019 20:07

5 years isn't a big age gap, but there is a big difference between a 17 year old and a 22 year old emotionally.

Like a PP said, has she just turned 17, or is she about to turn 18? Another big difference imo.

Shootingstar1115 · 11/04/2019 20:08

He’s definitely respectful. He’s not had much experience with relationships. I’m not sure when she’s 18 tbh but I think it’s soon. 🤷‍♀️

I was 20 when I met my partner who was 33 and we’ve been together for a long time now. I do think there is a massive difference between a 17 year old and a 20 year old. My OH wouln’t be interested in an 17 year old at 30 😬

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 11/04/2019 20:09

When DH and I met, I was 19 and he was 25. My parents weren't keen at all, till they met him and he was very nice. He was quite an immature 25 though (and is an immature 44 now!).

NobodysBlackerThanMe · 11/04/2019 20:10

Perfectly reasonable for him to be dating a 17 yr old. There's not much of a gap between them.

Cheby · 11/04/2019 20:11

It’s not massively weird but it is a bit odd. Depends on the 17yo and what their life’s is like really. At 17 I was still in college and dependent on my parents for everything. At 18 I was living independently away from home. Me dating someone 5 years old at 18 would be totally normal, at 17 I was much more like a child than an adult. That year made a big difference.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 11/04/2019 20:11

Can't see the problem.

When i was 17 all the 17 yr old boys seemed really immature. I dated 20 somethings.

Springiscomingsoon · 11/04/2019 20:19

Fine to me.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 11/04/2019 20:22

I was 16 when I had my first proper bf he was 21, he was a true gent one of the nicest lads I went out after him a went out with a lad same age and he was an abusive arsehole.

Shootingstar1115 · 11/04/2019 20:23

I’ve never been out with anyone my own age - I’ve alwhas been attracted to older guys!

Laura221 · 11/04/2019 20:33

I was 16 going out with a 22 year old. Still together now 11 years later. Happily married with 3 children. So no wouldn't bother me.

BottleOfJameson · 11/04/2019 20:35

It depends on the people involved. Lots of 22 year olds are still living at home and some 17 year olds are fairly mature. A young 17 and a mature 22 year old would be worrying but I don't think I'd write it off in all cases.

Langrish · 11/04/2019 20:38

17 year old boys just irritated me when I was 17. Decades on my husband of 30 years is 6 years older than me, which with 1 exception, is the smallest age gap of any romantic relationship I’ve ever had.
(As long as she’s not vulnerable in some way) wouldn’t worry me at all.

pilates · 11/04/2019 20:39

I can’t see the problem. It was the same age difference between me and my first serious boyfriend which lasted 5 years. My dad was 7 years older than my mum and she was 17 when they met, they are still together now and he is 82.

Meowzzz · 11/04/2019 20:42

I always find it weird when a 20 odd year old likes a teen, they'd be nearly done at uni and the teen hadn't started and can't drink. But shave a couple years off boys because I do think the majority mature slower and girls mature quicker so it balances out. Have they had him over for tea/met?

MaisyMary77 · 11/04/2019 20:44

I was 16 when I started dating DH who was 21. 26 years later we’re still going strong. 🙂

Imustbemad00 · 11/04/2019 21:07

I’ve never actually thought about it this way, but I had my daughter at 18. Pregnant at 17 and 3 months. So I guess I must of been sleeping with her Dad before my 17th birthday. He’s 7 years older than me. We’re not together now.
I’ve honestly never thought of it, as both my long term partners have been 7 years older than me, but looking back a 23 year old sleeping with a 16/17 year old is weird.
Funnily enough he turned out to be abusive....

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/04/2019 21:12

I was dating a 25 year old at 17, so seems perfectly fine to me. 5 years is nothing else in terms of age difference.

TotHappy · 11/04/2019 21:13

I was just 17 when I got together with my boyfriend, who was just 23.
We got a LOT of stick from his friends at first, and neither of our families were keen... But we're still together. We married when I was 20, I'm 32 now. It's been a very tough relationship, but that was because we married so young I think, not that he was older than me. In some ways he was more mature than me then, he'd had more life experience, but in many ways, definitely not!

Bluntness100 · 11/04/2019 21:14

I don't see the issue with this at all.