I'm going to have to move aren't I?

[AtlasObscura]

Namechanged ....

I love where I live but do sometimes wish people would just fuck off and focus on their own lives.

This is a bit long but I need to rant.

Background - single mum of 4 children, all now flown the nest or at Uni

I work from home and wifi went down on Monday so I decamped to the nearest coffee shop in village to use their wifi. Spotted a few other neighbours there too with the same idea so looked like I wasn't the only one with shit wifi maybe?

Anyway, doing my thing and in comes a woman who I know to say hello to. A friend of a friend, not a close acquaintance at all and I know next to nothing about her. She's with another woman who I don't recognise at all.

They order lunch and then ask if they can join me. I should have explained that I was working (and there were plenty of other free tables) but instead said that it was fine so they sat down.

Friend of a Friend (FOF) starts asking me how I am and we exchange bit of polite conversation. She then starts asking me about my 4 children.

More than just a 'how's family' type question but a bit more searching and she seems to know more about them then she should given the fact we barely know each other.

Now for some more background:

About 18 months ago, a man stopped to chat to me on my dog walk. I know he lives a few streets from me but don't know his name or anything else about him but we often pass when out walking the dogs to say hello (as you do when you have dogs!). We've been passing each other in this way almost daily for the last 10 years at least.

On this particular occasion, he seemed more keen to chat than usual and asked me about one of my daughters in particular and asked how she was doing.

His comments made it clear that he knew which country she lived in at the time and which Uni she was at and a few other details that I can only assume he got from looking her up on her FB page.

It was bloody creepy (she was 20 at that time and he must be in his late 50's at a guess), so I ended the conversation and mentioned it to my daughter and she tightened up her social media accounts to top privacy level.

Anyway, it came about that FOF is distantly related to this man and so when she started asking me about the children in the cafe I was wary and deliberately vague.

She also seemed to know quite a bit about them though, they are all abroad at the moment in different countries either on gap years, or working or on an Erasmus programme so she started asking me questions about that, who was where and doing what. I'm still trying to be vague ...

She asked whether I missed them (of course I do)

Whether I resented them leaving me on my own in the UK (erm of course not, I am enormously proud)

Then she asked how I could afford to support 4 children and afford flights out to visit them etc and support them through Uni (massive assumptions being made here that it's me having to finance these things but essentially no one else bloody business)

So I gave a vague jokey reply about 'kids eh' and 'thank god for Easy Jet'

but this wasn't enough and they clearly wanted more info, FOF looked at me really expectantly as if to say 'well - how do you manage it'

So I'm feeling really on the spot at this point, I'm a really private person normally and now I'm cornered (quite literally in the corner of the cafe).

I didn't want to be rude so I decided to make what I thought would be a really obvious joke and hope that they'd get the hint that this conversation wasn't going anywhere .....

Me: you really want me to explain in detail how I afford to support my children?

FOF: yes, I'm amazed at how anyone can afford it (again, massive assumptions being made by her that it is me that necessarily covers all these costs)

Me: I'm a sex worker I'm not

FOF: Really???

Me: yes it pays really well and it's really flexible although I was surprised that someone of my age and with my waistline would find the work

FriendofFOF : Are your clients anyone we would know?

Me: Well it's not the biggest village so yes I would imagine so.

I dont know why I continued contributing to the conversation as she clearly hasn't taken it to be a joke.

This all happened on Monday but she has now been telling everyone since that I am sex worker as the rumours have started and I can only assume that people actually fucking believe it.

I've been avoiding my usual dog walking route in order to avoid creepy neighbour.

I dont know what my AIBU is, I like living here, I feel settled here and it feels like home but I now clearly have to fucking move.

I'm a stupid, STUPID arse and shouldn't be allowed out in public - I don't know how to handle this as I am an awkward moo in social situations and I just know that any further attempts on my part will just end up making things 100 times worse.

Think of the love child of Miranda Hart and Mr Bean and you will just about be able to picture my level of social skill in public

I just need to get this off my chest - apologies

Didn't know the mere concept of being a sex worker was so hilarious to so many people. People actually describing how they can't stop laughing because you said the words "sex worker". Very very weird.

You’re my kind of woman, OP. This is utterly brilliant. Do keep us updated, I want to know how it goes with NSM.

I would say your credibility has risen. Have you seen after life with Ricky Gervaise? You should

Op...been there (although I think it was my brother who started the rumour sarcastically - it's still a matter of family debate).

13 years on, it's still alluded to on occasion. Most (normal, sensible people) know it's not true, and knew from the start.

Oh and I still haven't learnt...my mouth works faster than my brain. People that matter know better than to believe the village grapevine, and it can be highly amusing to watch the pearl clutching by those that choose to believe gossip.

Good luck with nice single guy!

I've been reading this as if it is a soap opera. From Here To Obscurity.

Lovely but socially awkward lady makes faux pas.
Village gossips grip their handbags and give her the side eye.
Nice gent walks her home.

OP, if you update there is a body at the cricket club with a dog lead near......

Are you absolutely sure they weren't trying to befriend and burgle you? Be wary.

I'm sure that's not the case PinkBlueStripes

I live in an average cottage in an an average village and drive an average car.

For some reason she has taken it upon herself to dig into my personal and family life and to then present me with her 'findings' in an accusatory way.

I know that people like this do exist but I have never been on the receiving end of it before - until now.

Anyway, back to Nice Single Man who smelt like heaven I need a plan to try and bump into him again

Hey AtlasObscura do me a favour and read the thread "Do I tell DP I am a former escort/prostitute" it's about sex workers so you should find it fucking hilarious. Alternatively it might make you slightly more sensitive in future and help you to define what a joke actually is (clue: pretending you're a vulnerable and being sexually exploited isn't one).

@BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Bore off and take your hiked up judgy pants with you.

No. Why don't you start being a decent human and stop finding women selling their bodies for men's pleasure the height of comic genius.

Actually, people shouldn't give a shit if the OP is/was a sex worker if she isn't breaking the law and paying taxes and isn't causing a disturbance. If I'm ever in the position of interviewing people for jobs and had to pick between a user of sex workers and former/current sex worker I'd know whom I'd pick.

Oh, here we go! Contrary to what you might believe, plenty of women, many of which older and not in the least vulnerable engage in indoor sex work after researching the pros and cons. It is their choice and perfectly legal. Yes, there is an element of exploitation to this type of work. Just as it is with many other fields, domestic work, agriculture etc. While there are many people willingly do these jobs, there are also those in some form of enforced servitude. It doesn’t make the actual job seedy or criminal but the people who exploit these workers. There are quite a few current and former sex workers on this forum who can happily joke about aspects of their work. A dear friend actually did live and occasionally work in a small village, although, she generally tended to work in a nearby larger town. Ironically, in her village, there were rumours about some other woman and yet, no one suspected my rather matronly and prim friend. So, save your sanctimonious virtue-signalling for when it is appropriate.

I think you've completely missed the point of my OP baby - never mind!

Oh thanks for telling. Now I know there's no issue with sex workers being exploited and they're all just doing it because it makes financial sense I'll stop worrying about it. Silly me.

Don't think I have. You told someone you were a sex worker. You then proceeded to be surprised that people think you are a sex worker. Hilarity ensued.

You don't need to move. Just think of a better joke or way to put off nosy people in future.

You know among the single most irritating, disrespectful and patronising thing for many sex workers are moralistic do-gooders, especially women, who insist that they are exploited and victims and who deny them their ability to act out free choice. Your dogged sour attitude here shows that you are thinking sex work is something to be ashamed of and you are perpetuating the stigma. No one is laughing at the exploited young women and men.

No, I absolutely don't think it's something to be ashamed of but you're being willfully naive to deny that sex work is, in the main, exploitation of young, vulnerable women. I just don't think it should be treated as a joke, why does that mean I should "bore off"? Yes, I'm sure there are a very few women who do it though choice but come on. Be realistic and admit they they are a tiny minority.

You seem to be using your one anecdotal experience of a woman in your village and making some pretty big assumption ls based off of that.

@BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney

Thanks for that insightful comment @Meandwinealone

Any 'jokes' within my OP were either:

1. Entirely at my own expense for allowing myself to be blind-sided by someone whose relevance to my own personal life would normally be described as negligible at best ...

1. At the expense of said woman above and her sidekick - who seem to trawl the village looking for gossip in what I can only assume is a desperate attempt to bring some form of meaning to their own lives ..

1. Directed at the peculiarities of village life, something which many other posters here seemed to recognise.

Good luck with the nice single man.

I agree that the best way to style this out with anyone bold enough to ask you is to make a face of pure bafflement and reply ‘who on earth told you that?’

In other news, Nice Single Man and I have been asked to come up with 3 themed cocktails for our next rota shift together.

The theme is 'vintage and steam' (as in Steam Engines)

My young son told his football coaches that I was a stripper, many years ago.

He’d got his words mixed up - I was stripping the walls of the whole house at the time. I was a single parent who worked at a ladies gym; the name of the gym was embroidered on my polo shirt- it included the word ‘body’ and could easily have been the name of a strip club.

Fortunately, I had been at school with the head coach and he came and asked me directly whether I was struggling financially, and could he and his wife help at all.

We cleared up the misunderstanding and laughed... but I don’t know how many other people had been told by that point. I moved away about 15 years later, but there still could be folk in that village who think I was actually a stripper. I’m not sure I care though.

Do you care about local gossip OP? I’m pretty sure most people with half a brain will take the gossip with a large pinch of salt.