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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too many friends and stag dos

39 replies

Vagessence · 11/04/2019 16:55

All my DP's friends are suddenly getting married and having stag dos abroad. He's on a pretty basic salary so we're not able to save much each month, if anything at all. We share our finances and have about 10k in savings which I brought into the relationship from my own savings and a small inheritance. So far he's spent around 1k on a couple stags this year and a wedding abroad. There are talks of more stags and weddings next year. I don't want to be a killjoy and I know we have savings but I'd rather keep them for other things... WIBU to ask him to consider not going to all of them?

OP posts:
idontknowwhattosay · 11/04/2019 16:56

Id take my savings out of the 'pot' if he can afford to go on his own money then fine. But not if you are subsiding it.

Leeds2 · 11/04/2019 16:59

Agree with idontknow.

ohnoessexgirl · 11/04/2019 17:00

Why should you be subsidising his piss ups? I'd remove my money from the pot and let him pay for the jollies with his own cash. I'm a miserable cow though so what do I know?

Sweetpea55 · 11/04/2019 17:03

Ohnoessexgirl...im in good company then. I feel the same as you

bagpiss · 11/04/2019 17:09

Your savings are not for his stag do's! Take your money out of the pot and keep them for emergency/rainy day fund. Or put them in an 'untouchable ' isa or something.

Crunchymum · 11/04/2019 17:11

Why are you sharing your pre existing savings with him?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2019 17:12

Why are you letting him used shared savings to piss up the wall? Not on at all.

Take your share back. He can do what he wants with his.

But it does't sound as if you're on the same page re: saving for the future.

lastqueenofscotland · 11/04/2019 17:13

Don’t share your prexisiting savings with him and definitely if you aren’t married!!!!!!

If we wants to go he pays for it

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2019 17:13

Sorry, just read that they're not shared savings, it's all your money!!!

Eff that. Move it to a private account only you can access.

Loopytiles · 11/04/2019 17:14

Keep your savings in your name and don’t spend them. If his financial priority is holidays with his friends, rather than doing things with you, saving for a home or whatever, you can decide how you feel about that.

Loopytiles · 11/04/2019 17:15

“We” don’t have savings: you do. More fool you if you subsidise him when this isn’t reciprocated.

HJWT · 11/04/2019 17:16

Would i F let him take money out of the savings for stag do's!!!

Motoko · 11/04/2019 17:17

I'm joining the chorus here. Take your savings out so he can't dip into them to go on his jollies. You're not married, so you need to keep those in your name only.

You'll regret it if you don't.

mindutopia · 11/04/2019 17:18

As long as he can afford them from his earnings while staying on top of all his personal expenses and your joint ones and contributing to the savings pot at the same level, then surely he can do what he wants with his money. But you shouldn’t be paying for it.

Youseethethingis · 11/04/2019 17:20

Celebrating everyone else’s milestones in life is apparently more important than working towards your own? I’d feel pretty sad about that to be honest. Sad enough to be taking my £10k back and leaving him to it.

Don’t know if I’d ask him not to go as such - I’d maybe ask him how he intends to pay for it all (after your savings pot is out of harms way) and if he expects to make any sort of meaningful contribution towards your own joint future at some point. That will tell you all you need to know.

FindYourCentre · 11/04/2019 17:20

"WE don't have enough savings darling & I'm not pissing MY savings up the wall for you to go on the lash with your mates"

CurbsideProphet · 11/04/2019 17:24

I have more savings than my fiancé, so we spend them when needed on our house (and now on our wedding). He would never even consider using my savings on stag trips abroad. I'm happy for my savings to be ours, but when they're being spent on something for the two of us. You are not unreasonable at all.

Rertee · 11/04/2019 17:25

You share your finances? By finances you mean your own personal savings? Why share them? Unless for a house or something to do together I don't think you should be. No way would I be paying for my husband to be going on stag dos with my savings.
Also your savings should be in an account that only you have access to, especially if you aren't married.

ConfCall · 11/04/2019 17:25

This is madness. If he wants a jet set lifestyle he needs to get a better job, not sponge off you.

FundayFriday · 11/04/2019 17:25

I think you probably need to agree together what you are saving for and by when, then he can prioritise which of his stag dos and weddings are most important.

TixieLix · 11/04/2019 17:30

You need to protect the savings you brought into the relationship. They should be spent on something you agree on and that will benefit you both (you especially!) With regard to the stags/weddings, he needs to prioritise which, if any, he goes to and how he's going to afford it, especially if they're overseas.

Boysey45 · 11/04/2019 17:34

Go online and move the money now back to the safety and comfort of your account.
Tell him he pays for his jollies out of his wages.

MissBPotter · 11/04/2019 17:34

Please do not spend your savings on him going on stag dos!!! You will lose it all, £10k is not that much if you have a few foreign trips. However it is a good starter for you to save up a house deposit or something.

Youre not married so even though you’re together you should not be spending your savings like this. I’m married though and wouldn’t subsidize my dh to go on these trips! If he can’t afford it he can’t afford it.

Hahaha88 · 11/04/2019 17:39

Why would you be using your savings to pay for his mates stag do's?? Are you mad??

UniversalAunt · 11/04/2019 17:43

Ring fence the money you brought with you - separate account password protected. I doubt the person who kindly left you the money to have it pissed up against the wall for people they did not know. Put that money aside to secure your future wellbeing/enjoyment e.g. education, house deposit etc.

Stag/Hens THEN the expense of the wedding - £££££ or what?
Can you afford this?
Time to prioritise who really matters to you each & as a couple, & then determine if you do stag/hen & wedding or just wedding. Do it now so that you find it easier to accept/decline invitations (ah, C list one so decline, B list so just wedding, A list stag/hen & wedding etc) when they roll in rather make up your mind every single time.

If this is unacceptable level of budgeting & prioritisation, then get a credit card, have a blast & pay it off over the years. Possibly the worst option IMO. But keep your inherited & saved money apart.