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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be happy with this arrangement RE keys

72 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 11/04/2019 08:05

My lodger has a boyfriend who usually stays over one night in the week. He’s quite nice and cleans my kitchen when they’ve cooked, which isn’t bad.
However I left for work late today and realised what they do when he stays is she posts her keys through the door and he puts them under the bin, I assumed they live together. House is set back from the road and you wouldn’t get pedestrians knocking it etc but I still live in a big/bustling city... aibu to not be happy with this arrangement?

OP posts:

Mememeplease · 11/04/2019 09:45

And this is why a house share is better than being a lodger.

If you have a lodger then respect should be a two way thing. They are more likely to respect your property and you, if you are reasonable with them. The op and her lodger need to communicate as to what is acceptable or not. If she doesn't trust the lodgers choice of bf then perhaps the lodger isn't the right lodger for her. If she doesn't want the bf staying over or alone in the house then perhaps the ops house isn't the right place for the lodger to lodge in.

Original poster

lastqueenofscotland · 11/04/2019 09:48

The boyfriend seems nice, however they’ve been together since maybe the end of February.
He never stays more than one night a week so obviously I don’t know him well at all, so no I’m not comfortable with him having a key.
I personally wouldn’t let someone I had been dating 6 weeks hovver in my house after I’d left regardless of if I was a tenant or home owner.

OP posts:

DarlingNikita · 11/04/2019 09:53

Not acceptable and neither is a key safe. You have to think about security in terms both of someone finding the key and being able to get in, and the fact that you don't really know this guy. I'd put a stop to it immediately.

Mememeplease · 11/04/2019 09:54

Ah, I thought he was a bit longer term than that. Yes I agree that you need a little chat with her.

drspouse · 11/04/2019 09:54

I wouldn't be happy with him taking the keys to give to her later, either (he could get one cut without her knowing, he could lose them).

He needs to leave when she leaves.

dronesdroppingzopiclone · 11/04/2019 09:56

End of Feb. and he's camped at yours one night a week and sat in your house when you're not there leaving your key under a bin? You need to talk to your lodger.

Even in houseshares, Meme, every one I've lived in, there have been terms regarding overnight guests.

Drum2018 · 11/04/2019 10:04

Just tell her this evening that she cannot do this from now on so he will have to leave with her in the morning - no compromise. Under no circumstances are you to give him a key and I'd make a point of saying that to her as she could just get her key cut and give one to him.

lyralalala · 11/04/2019 10:04

I personally wouldn’t let someone I had been dating 6 weeks hovver in my house after I’d left regardless of if I was a tenant or home owner.

I think your lodger is quite lucky you are not planning to ask her to leave over this. She's basically letting someone who is little more than a stranger hang out in your house without even checking with you first.

NerdyBird · 11/04/2019 10:13

OP as well as setting your lodger straight about allowing him to stay on his own, make sure you can check what they're doing with a camera or doorbell app. Otherwise they could carry on. She barely knows this man either, and has let him have access to your house. I'd be thinking about whether to continue her contract.

echt · 11/04/2019 11:54

Not RTFT, but this is like you giving your key to your NDN's Tinder pickup.

Or a tradie's friend of a friend.

Or the chap on the corner.

Protect yourself. Bin her off and change your locks.

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 12:09

House-shares work to the same.rules. no-one else but the tenant to have a key, residents take responsibility for their guests and any damage they do or harm they cause, and they have no liberty to be there without resident.

Noones house-mate wants randoms wandering around their accommdation!

dronesdroppingzopiclone · 11/04/2019 12:13

I stuck to house shares that didn't allow for overnight guests after far too many people bringing back randoms for a shag, moving in a significant other (who never paid a share of rent or bills) by stealth, took over the lounge with their guest, hogged the kitchen or bathroom with their guest and left it a mess, even trying to use others' rooms and beds when they weren't there. It got old fast so I stuck to 'no overnight guests' without prior notice shares. I sure as fuck would not have allowed this pretty random bloke to be sharing the home one night a week just a few weeks on.

ALannisterInDebt · 11/04/2019 12:13

Could you (or she) have a spare key cut, that he locks up with and posts through the letterbox (so the spare key stays in the property and he doesn't take it away with him) ?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2019 12:34

Could you (or she) have a spare key cut, that he locks up with and posts through the letterbox (so the spare key stays in the property and he doesn't take it away with him)?

Why on earth should she have to bend over backwards for her lodger's boyfriend? They're both taking the piss.

ALannisterInDebt · 11/04/2019 19:52

Why on earth should she have to bend over backwards for her lodger's boyfriend? They're both taking the piss

OP seems otherwise happy with lodger and her BF, so why not be accommodating? Not sure why the first reaction would be conflict when a friendly discussion and reasonable solution would work better.

CharityConundrum · 12/04/2019 00:55

OP seems otherwise happy with lodger and her BF, so why not be accommodating? Not sure why the first reaction would be conflict when a friendly discussion and reasonable solution would work better.

Because she doesn't want this man in her house in his own- key or no key!

RUOKHUN · 12/04/2019 01:10

Lol at everyone getting more outraged at this than the OP.

You implement whatever is right for your household OP.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/04/2019 08:01

Because sometimes OPs are unaware of the ramifications of things - in this case the invalidation of her household insurance.

DarlingNikita · 12/04/2019 10:17

OP seems otherwise happy with lodger and her BF, so why not be accommodating?

As several people have already said, it has consequences for household insurance. Why are you being obtuse?

That aside, why the fuck should she be 'accommodating' if she doesn't feel that comfortable about this man being in her house alone?

ALannisterInDebt · 12/04/2019 11:17

Leaving keys out all day will most definitely affect her insurance, that's not what I was suggesting though? OP is justifiably unhappy to discover the present arrangement and wants a solution.

Also, I've not read on here that she doesn't like him in her house, she said he was quite nice, other than the key issue she is happy with lodger (and pleasant, reliable lodgers aren't always easy to find)

It would be a strange overreaction to start giving the lodger notice etc. when a simple conversation and reasonable solution could be reached.

If we all followed the harsh advice offered on MN we'd all be single, jobless, friendless and NC with our family. It's all a bit sill really, when a little common sense and compromise goes a long way in maintaining relationships and friendships.

DarlingNikita · 12/04/2019 11:41

She says 'I don’t know him that well, and if they fall out I’d rather some potentially aggrieved 6Ft + bloke didn’t have a key to my house.'

It's hypothetical, obviously, but entirely possible and entirely reasonable for her to be wary.

And keys aside, just the boyfriend being there alone is likely a problem for the insurance.

I don't disagree that they need a conversation, but there would be no 'accommodating' if it were my lodger and me – the deal would be 'He can come here when you're here and he leaves when you leave. And you don't lend him your key.' If the lodger doesn't like it she is at liberty to find somewhere else to live.

GrumioEstInHorto · 12/04/2019 17:24

Next time he stays over I'd be tempted to give her a scare by removing the key before she gets home.

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