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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be happy with this arrangement RE keys

72 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 11/04/2019 08:05

My lodger has a boyfriend who usually stays over one night in the week. He’s quite nice and cleans my kitchen when they’ve cooked, which isn’t bad.
However I left for work late today and realised what they do when he stays is she posts her keys through the door and he puts them under the bin, I assumed they live together. House is set back from the road and you wouldn’t get pedestrians knocking it etc but I still live in a big/bustling city... aibu to not be happy with this arrangement?

OP posts:
Smellslikemiddleagespirit · 11/04/2019 08:47

YANBU.

Make it clear to your lodger that this has to stop, and that she should not be giving her boyfriend the keys at all. Can’t believe others are suggesting you give him his own set!

ScreamScreamIceCream · 11/04/2019 08:47
  1. He should be leaving when she does as he is her guest
  2. As he is a guest he should not have his own key
  3. Next lodger you get if they have an overnight "guest" charge them extra as this avoids the "guest" being a regular.
Scrumptiousbears · 11/04/2019 08:49

Keysafe doesn't have to be anywhere anyone can see it.

Catchingbentcoppers · 11/04/2019 08:49

This is about the OP and if she wants her insurance valid, and only she knows if the boyfriend of her lodger is trustworthy.
The key in the hook stops a key being left outside for anyone else to use.

Absolutely. But it's not the only way to do this. OP said upthread that she didn't want the boyfriend to have a key and if he has access to one, he could very easily have one cut I suppose. I'd feel very weird about a man I hardly know being in my home when no one else was there too.

OP I think the best course of action would be to tell your lodger that her bf needs to leave at the same time as she does. If she refuses or their arrangement continues you'll have no choice but to give her notice. They're compromising the security of your home.

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 08:55

Totally agree that your lodger is compromising the security and insurance on your home.

Cleaning up the kitchen after use is just a normal basic expectation, nothing particularly endearing about that.

He's her guest and therefore has no rights to remain without her, weird. I would give her a warning that if she compromise your safety again she has to leave.

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 08:56

People normally just shut the door behind them though and its locked then?

Catchingbentcoppers · 11/04/2019 08:59

People normally just shut the door behind them though and its locked then?

Depends on the type of lock you have. Ours isn't a Yale lock so we double lock it with the key.

Waveysnail · 11/04/2019 09:00

Its simply solved. Key safe or extra key.

notacooldad · 11/04/2019 09:01

Heck!
She probably diesntcreslisexshe is going anything wrong
She probably doesn't realise she is doing anything wrong.

notacooldad · 11/04/2019 09:04

People normally just shut the door behind them though and its locked then?
No, not really.
Ours is just a handle and you have to put s key in to lock, save with my mums,my sisters and my brothers. I've been thinking about my friends and all but one I walk straight into their house. Only one has a yale lock on the front door.

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 09:07

Well she doesn't have the right here to feel she's done nothing wrong, she has! Compromising her landlady and the house security/insurance without even mentioning/asking. It's a fucking liberty and should know its wrong, or be warned its a grave misjudgment for a tenant to assume.

Mememeplease · 11/04/2019 09:07

It's a difficult one as its her home too and there is nothing wrong with wanting your bf to be comfortable in your home and leaving when convenient, however I can also see why this isn't desirable for the op.

When I had a lodger I trusted them to treat my home as they would their own. I trusted that they chose their friends carefully too. If I didn't trust them in that way, then they aren't suitable lodgers anyway.

I'd go the wall safe route in a safe position away from passers by eyes, or the spare key to be posted back route.

There had to be an element of trust if you are going to open your house to lodgers. Invest in a secure box/safe to leave valuables and important documents to minimise risk.

Catchingbentcoppers · 11/04/2019 09:07

@Waveysnail OP has explained that she doesn't want him to have his own key. Neither would I.

Wouldn't you feel unhappy about someone you don't really know being in your home on his own?

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 11/04/2019 09:08

Catching ours is one where you have to lift the handle and turn the key to lock the door

OP posts:
LemonTT · 11/04/2019 09:12

Am I the only one wondering why she posts them back into the house instead of leaving them with him?

Catchingbentcoppers · 11/04/2019 09:15

@LemonTT I would presume so she can lock the door behind her when she leaves, locking him in? Makes me wonder how long he's in there on his own for.

Eatmycheese · 11/04/2019 09:17

There’s no way I would let my lodger’s boyfriend have a key to my house
Tbh I wouldn’t even allow him to stay and certainly not to be left in the house alone. It’s not on.

If it were I, the lodger would be told that from now one no overnight stays and certainly no boyfriend loafing around an otherwise empty house he has no rights to occupy. If she doesn’t like it then leave, I’d like to see anyone else put up with that.

Eatmycheese · 11/04/2019 09:18

@lemon because he’s still asleep and not getting up anytime soon. Then a nice hot shower, a cup of tea, perhaps some toast and offski 🤔

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 09:23

He might have rights over occupancy of your property, if he's made a keyholder?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2019 09:23

It's a difficult one as its her home too

No, it's not her home, she's a lodger. She is also invalidating the OP's insurance. And being presumptuous (and cheeky).

You need to tell her that it's not OK. He needs to leave before or at the same time as her. You're perfectly within your rights.

Smotheroffive · 11/04/2019 09:25

He could spend all day there and you wouldn't know. You didn't interview him as a potential tenant, and guests are the responsibility of your tenant,if they fail, then tenant fails, and tenant has no right to hand out her keys

TheNoodlesIncident · 11/04/2019 09:25

People normally just shut the door behind them though and its locked then?

That's not considered "locked" as far as insurers are concerned. You have to lock with a 5 lever mortise deadlock to BS 3621 or the newer style which are even more secure.

OP's insurance policy will be invalid every time her lodger leaves her boyfriend there alone anyway, never mind his leaving the keys outside in one of the most obvious places ever...

OP, she needs to stop doing this - he either leaves when she does or she finds somewhere else to live. It's your house and contents at risk

dronesdroppingzopiclone · 11/04/2019 09:27

He’s quite nice and cleans my kitchen when they’ve cooked, which isn’t bad.

WTAF? Isn't bad? That's a minimum, it's not a doss house. FFS. I'd never have agreed to a regular overnight guest as it is, but they leave together. He shouldn't be sat there using utilities after she's left.

Handbaghag · 11/04/2019 09:35

I wouldn't want the thought that he's potentially rifling through my drawers when I'm out. But then I guess that's the same with a lodger. OP I sympathize as I understand it may feel awkward having that conversation but it is your house. Also, the fact you have posted on here for opinion and have mentioned a fear of a 6ft bloke having a key to your house is your answer really 🤔. Get that convo had and let us know how you got on. Maybe before the next 6 month renew of contract you can change the wording of the agreement.

Likethebattle · 11/04/2019 09:36

As a lodger she has minimal rights. Either they leave together in the mornings or she gets her notice.