to be upset I lost his umbilical cord stump?

[gleefullymine]

I decided to keep my 6 month old's umbilical cord stump. It connected me to him and that quite frankly is amazing. I left my abusive ex and have realised that he now has this (and I have no hope in hell of getting it back). He's destroyed all my stuff and I think it was in one of the boxes he threw away.

AIBU to be a bit gutted about this? Or is that a bit weird? I've actually cried over it. Feel a bit silly...

Oh OP. I get it, as do so many others there appears to be a lot of stupid on MN today... It was the physical link between you and DS, yes but what you’re building with him right now, is a link much much stronger. You’re also going to be inundated with mementoes and souvenirs soon and will no doubt have to choose between them! I had some lovely rabbits made from my DCs first clothes, which I keep to look at sniff! If you’d like the details of the company that makes them, please feel free to PM me

Rather than telling OP that she is grim can we all just realise that there is a woman in pain here, who has escaped abuse and has a small child and has done all this whilst having PND sand GAD.

OP it makes sense to me that you feel sad, I would too if I were in your situation. Try and look how far you have come, that happy child, who you’ve have changed your world to protect, is the link between you two

Well said, Faster. OP, I definitely have my DS's umbilical stump, and understand why you feel so sad. You're not being in the least silly. Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that he's still tiny -- you have fabulous experiences and the opportunity for lots more macabre souvenirs (first haircut, first tooth falling out etc etc) to come.

It's not that weird to keep these, is it? I have my DCs somewhere (the clip and a teeny bit of gross stump). I know lots of others who kept them so I felt like I'd be horrible if I chucked them! Can't say I've ever got them out and admired them over the years, mind

OP, YANBU to feel a bit sad about it. But if I found that I'd chucked my DC's out by accident (not 100% sure I haven't by now tbh) I'd not be upset over it now (DC are 6.5 & 13.5). I have so many other much nicer mementos of their childhood, and they sure as hell don't want them (or their teeth, which I have somewhere too. If I'd lost them when they were babies though, I'd have been very upset as I had PND and would have felt like a terrible mother. Years later, I have more perspective on things, if that makes sense.

I planned to keep my child's too so whilst it is clearly a bit odd (from the responses here) it's not just you. I meant to put it in a box with other baby things to keep forever but then for a number of reasons it ended up being left in a handbag which got put in a bag of things for the charity shop. I cried, screamed at DH (as he was the one who took the bag of things to the charity shop) for not checking everything, tried to get it back and generally acted like a crazy woman. So I understand you completely.

But you should try to focus on the fact that you have your baby, you are both safe and well and you have taken him away from an abusive man which will help you to both have a happier life.

Sounds like you’re so upset because you grieving your past and the future you’d hoped for and all the things you’ve lost with the situation you’ve escaped from.

Let yourself grieve this and the other losses and then go and plant that tree and focus on the new future you have ahead with your baby.

I wanted to keep DD's bellybutton stump, so was FURIOUS when it fell off when DH changed her and he left it on the floor - and one of my cats carried it off and ate it.

I cried and was properly angry for months. I didn't think I could ever forgive him for taking that away from me.

In hindsight, it was probably the best scenario as I was being mad and gross.

I thought dd was so wonderful and precious that I would have framed her meconinium shits had they let me

I kept the clip but the stump was thrown straight in the bin. YANBU to be upset that he's thrown it away though.

I've got my 2's stumps... I don't have PND but would still be sad to lose either of them. So IDTYABU.

I get that keeping the May be a bit niche but genuinely shocked that people would throw their children's teeth away!

*keeping the stump may

Eugh. You have been through a lot and have my sympathies but keep a bit of manky vein thing is grim

OP

I suffered horrendous pnd and I couldn't bring myself to throw away my DD's clip until she was 4 months. My DP was a bit disgusted but he left me to it and the difference being that I could throw it away in my own time. If the choice had been taken away from me, it would have badly affected me. Well done to you getting away from your abusive ex. Here's to a bright future for you and DC

@ChoudeBruxelles vein AND artery, maybe that would have swayed you! 😉

That's gross!

I'm sorry but there are many sentimental things you can keep bht a rotting piece of flesh shouldn't be one of them.

There is nothing gross about it at all, unless you consider hair and fingernails gross. It doesnt rot by the way, it dries out.

I suspect it isnt so much the loss of the cord itself but what that loss represents. The fact that your cunt ex chucked all your stuff, treated you (and by extension, your child) so badly, didnt care about either of you, the investment you made in the relationship. Grieve its loss but maybe think about whether your grief over that is masking something else

For those surprised you can keep the stump, now you can make jewellery out of them

People keep these? I actually feel sick

I get it OP. It's an important piece of your child, especially as it's the bit that physically linked you.

I have my DC's. I also his first nail clippings and my caesarian staples 😳

It's ok to be upset over loosing something of yours that was important, doesn't matter what it is and the way you lost it even more so.

I didn't keep DD's (the midwife offered me everything - measuring tape, scissors etc - like a bizarre version of the generation game) but think PPs mention of keeping first shoes is really sweet and will do that.

There's lots more to come OP. Don't worry about doing things differently for different children, this is inevitable. My mother has the first hair lock of only one out of the four of us. It's a running joke that she's the favourite child and we all sneak into mum's room at her house to put our own picture next to her bed and remove any of the siblings

I still have my 7 month olds, you aren't weird at all for having kept it 🌷

I kept mine and would be so gutted. If it means a lot to you, fuck anyone who says it s grim. If it's important you have every right to be upset xx

Those of you who are revolted by the mother of a small baby keeping a tiny dried-out umbilical stump must have found the nitty-gritty blood-sutures-and-shite reality of actually giving birth a total mindfuck.

As a non-parent this thread has been a revelation. (No judgement btw.)

Fishlike, no. Why would I? That’s an odd conclusion to jump to!
But keeping an old bit of rotten flesh (well, tube) seems disgusting to me. What is the baby going to want to do with that when they’re grown up?! What, as a parent, would I do with it?