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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends DS has stolen my iPad?

88 replies

tiffanygoldduck · 11/04/2019 02:19

Quite sensitive and very upset I’m having to post this.

My best friends son (14) has stolen from us before- last time it was a games console

Basically what happened was- DDs old PlayStation 4 (she just stopped using it) was sat in the wardrobe in our spare room. Friends son came to stay for the weekend and obviously took it then. Few months later DD asked me where it was, we couldn’t find it and I remembered my friend saying her son had brought himself a PS4 and she didn’t know where the money had come from. Basically I sent her a text a long the lines of “I don’t wish to accuse him, but DDs PS4 is missing is there any chance the one your DS has hers”. Didn’t have a problem with him keeping it in honesty, even though I was a bit pissed off he had just helped himself, but friend made him give it back a long with flowers for me and a gift voucher for DD. And so it was left at that.

Anyway he came and stayed again about 3 weeks ago- and then yesterday when he was here with my friend, asked to use my iPad. I hardly ever use it and told him I didn’t know where it was. He just came out with it randomly with a bit of a sly look- he had been happy enough on his phone, which was charging, for over 3 hours

Anyway the cogs in my brain started turning today and I’ve turned the house, the cars, had my mum looking in hers and DH looking at work. Neither him or our DDs have reason to take it as they all have their own. Regardless I asked them and all have said they haven’t seen it or used it.

It’s literally disappeared.

AIBU to bring it up with my friend?

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 11/04/2019 07:24

Who wonders where their 14 year old has got the money to buy himself a PlayStation without demanding an answer? She sounds a bit lax, to say the least.

AJPTaylor · 11/04/2019 07:24

Oh yes. I would say it is him. Had similar with a child who would steal stuff then innocently enquire about said item. Loved the drama. Grew up to be an adult to avoid.
I would ask your friend. I would ban him from the house regardless

IceRebel · 11/04/2019 07:26

So he didn't actually use the IPAD when he came over yesterday. I think had he stolen it 3 weeks ago; when he stayed, he would now think he had managed to get away with it as no one has mentioned it since. I doubt he would then raise suspicion 3 weeks later by asking about it, especially given his previous history.

I don't think he has stolen it.

Boysey45 · 11/04/2019 07:27

I'd never ever have him in my house or be around him again.

I'd do the app and turn the house upside down. If that yielded no results I'd ask the friend if he'd seen it as you were going to have to tell the Police to get a crime number to claim on the insurance.

LagunaBubbles · 11/04/2019 07:32

Yes he's a "known thief" because its been proved he stole the PS4. I can't understand why you let him back OP.

whitesoxx · 11/04/2019 07:34

Presumably he's a close friend or relative even and OP thought he might've learned his lesson after the humiliation of being caught with the PS4?

You know, second chances and all that.

aprilshowers12 · 11/04/2019 07:34

I'd bluff to the boy's mother something along the lines of ' My iPad has gone missing. The police have asked for a list of everyone who has had access to the house and I'm just giving you the heads up as your DS's name will obviously be on it. Also I'm sorry but they asked about anything else going missing in the past and we had to tell them about the PS4.'
This will give the mother of the boy a push to get the truth out of the boy and hopefully return it before any police action. I would personally report as missing / stolen to the police and claim it on house insurance. The police will have a hard job proving the boy stole it. I've had similar and the young person was never allowed to set foot in my house again

aprilshowers12 · 11/04/2019 07:41

Absolutely no idea why MN would need to look at the above post! It's not terribly dramatic and certainly doesn't break any guidelines!

Mememeplease · 11/04/2019 07:49

I read it that he stole it three weeks ago and the fact that he slyly asked to use it, makes the op believe he did that deliberately knowing he'd got away with it.
And he probably has but there is no proof.

I wouldn't have him back in your house again op, but you might have to talk to your friend to explain why. Not a good conversation to look forward to as you can't really accuse him without evidence.

rainbowstardrops · 11/04/2019 08:02

Hmm that's a tricky one.
On one hand, it's quite possible that he took it seeing as he thought nothing of taking a games console from you and the fact that he brought the subject up but I would be very careful because you can't actually remember where it was or presumably when you last used it, so it could be anywhere.
Depending on the friendship you have with his mum, I suppose you could just mention that it's missing and has she seen it?

ElektraUnchained · 11/04/2019 08:04

Why would he ask for it? Very odd.

SuperSara · 11/04/2019 08:22

aprilshowers12

I’d bluff...

The word you were looking for is ‘lie’.

regmover · 11/04/2019 08:27

Based on previous experience - don't faff about or even go into detail. Just ring his mum up and say "I'm really sorry that I need to ask you about this, but would you mind looking to see if x has my IPad?". You don't need to give all the in's and out's and history. Given his previous form it's a reasonable question to ask, and given her previous response I think she'll go off and do some digging.
Then don't let him in again. I'd be wondering about cutting contact, he can steal things from your son out of the house after all.

Holidayshopping · 11/04/2019 08:31

Why are you worried about bringing this up?
Why did you let him back in the house?
Why did you give someone who stole hundreds of pounds of your electronic equipment your iPad and then not see that he gave it back afterwards?

So many questions, OP....

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 11/04/2019 08:34

Is this boy a friend of your own children, op? I’m wondering why your friend’s 14 year old is being given the run of your house so regularly.
How did he smuggle the ps out, for example? They don’t exactly fit in your pocket.

SosigDog · 11/04/2019 08:35

Your mistake was letting a thief back in your home again. Definitely approach his mum, it sounds like he has form for this and she knows it.

S1naidSucks · 11/04/2019 08:48

I would be more straight forward. Ask the mother to tell her son to bring back the iPad. I once did this to a builder about his son and low and behold he had ‘accidentally’ put my stuff in his toolbox.

Asking ‘if’ he has it gives him an opportunity to deny, whereas asking him to give it back will let him know that you KNOW he has it. I would never let the thieving wee shit back into my house.

Aprillygirl · 11/04/2019 08:55

Of course you should bring it up with your friend. If that were my son I'd want to know if my son had stolen from you again so's I had the chance to nip his behaviour in the bud,before the stealing became habitual (perhaps too late for that).
Just ask her casually if you know where her son left it,and if it's where he says it is brilliant,if not I definitely would not let him in my house again, (why's he staying over at yours anyway?) and I'm sure your friend would understand that.

MissCharleyP · 11/04/2019 08:59

Presumably if he stayed the weekend he had a bag big enough to get a PS4 in? An iPad is quite easy to smuggle out in a backpack I’d have thought. Ring his mum and just don’t have him back in the house, he can’t be trusted.

theemmadilemma · 11/04/2019 09:03

It seems highly likely so I don't see why she'd be surprised you feel the need to ask.

dronesdroppingzopiclone · 11/04/2019 09:34

I can't believe you had him in the house again! Or went with flowers and a voucher after he stole a fucking games console out of your house! You have MUG written on your forehead. Use the app to track it. And stop being such a fool, next time he'll take something of even greater value from you or one of your kids.

ohfourfoxache · 11/04/2019 09:39

Why on earth did you let him back in your home? Shock

viques · 11/04/2019 09:41

If he is stealing from you then the chances are he is also stealing from other people or school,shops, his own mother. If he thinks he can get away with theft he will get bolder and bolder, if his mother doesn't ask where he is getting things from when she knows that he doesn't have the money for it then she is either stupid, complicit or dishonest herself.

thesnailandthewhale · 11/04/2019 09:48

I'd spend today playing a game with your kids - write a list of all your £££ items then organise a 'treasure hunt' and get the kids to round up said items to make sure he hasn't taken anything else that hasn't yet been noticed Smile

Marcipex · 11/04/2019 09:58

The asking to use it sounds familiar,
We had a parent volunteer at school who stole stuff. She stole items eg shopping from the staff room , but said 'Funny about the cake you can't find, we've got one just the same for tea. '

Unknowingly, another volunteer had given her a cleaning job, then lost a gold bracelet. The woman turned up at school wearing the bracelet and said 'isn't it funny,my bracelet is just like the one you can't find.'

It was as if she, the thief, just couldn't resist challenging her victim to dare to accuse her. (She was banned from the school premises.)
Your account sounds very similar to me,