To be in love with work mate whose been flirting for 4 years!!

[Brickedit]

As it sounds.

I have completed fucked it emotionally. I have been avoiding him, I have tried.

I have feelings for him that I really shouldn't. I can't even walk around the office because I'm trying so hard to pretend I'm not thinking about him all the time.

We are both not available.an

We keep going through this cycle of getting really close and then releasing we've gone too far and backing off again. Then we start talking again, lines get blurred.

He does so many things that make me feel like he feels the same way but then does other stuff which reminds me that this is stupid.

I feel like a damn teenager, a reckless idiot one.

I've got a works do next week we are both going to. Can't get out of.

I'm dreading it. How the hell do I act. I had to speak to him for something yesterday and my face was flaming.

Can't leave this job either. Fuuuccckkk!

Help, life experience or a slap in the face/groin is very much welcome.

Why did he have to be soo him?

@NicoAndTheNiners

I was just about to post the same. I think we have been here at least twice before.

This has been said so many times all over but he is not the type to want a quick shag.

God hes so not.

He has had the opportunity to try to get that quite a few times and he hasn't gone for it. He hasn't tried it on with anyone else at work and there are others there who probably would.

I maintain I could be wrong.

To the poster who asked am I for real?? Fucking hell no I'm acting like a stupid bitch! I know I am old enough to know better.

'I think you should not drink on the night out and go home early. Get your partner to pick you up.' Not a bad plan at all. That will throw cold water on everything.

Pianobook- That's why I haven't said anything because the second I open my mouth it's not theoratical anymore.

That's why I'm blabbing to mumsnet.

Oh FFS just get over yourself, cringing for you.

Stop telling yourself you can't get out of the work do (bollocks) and don't go. And just stay away from him.

In the interest of fair play because it's messing with my head, I've checked the threads I've posted.

I've posted once about this and no-one from that thread commented on this one.

I'm cringing for me too!

Can someone link me to the threads if they can be arsed? I read more views on these types of situations.

I think the majority get deleted op because they usually end up with people swapping tips on how to 'win' the guy by stalking etc

You don't need more views, you need to just grow up. He's clearly not into you if he's telling you he's proposing, he's letting you down gently there. Cringe!!!!!

Go to the works do you can't get out of.
BUT take your partner.

Do you seriously think that you and Mr WorkMate are predestined to be together forever?
He just wants a blowjob in the stationary cupboard (not while I'm in there looking for A3 paper if you don't mind )

Finish your relationship then ask Mr WorkMate if he will shag/marry/avoid you. Can be quite a fun game with the right people

As if people actually do that. and I thought I was a twat. The most I've done is gassed about it on here and laughed at his jokes because I'm drunk and bored but that's it at least on the surface.

Telling me about the proposal made me really happy because it was several years ago when we were forced to work together.

I was getting a bit concerned that he might like me (kept asking what my type was and getting offended when I described a person that didn't look like him. Impling that he liked girls that looked like me ). I wasn't down for it.

So I let my guard down with him. He really has worn me down.

If I had to guess, he fancies me as I do him but that's the extent of it.

Which I'm happy with, I just need to control myself.

I had a man at work behave like this - married and then announced wife was pregnant with a second baby which he told me was planned. His flirting increased, tried ignoring him and got grumpy. Very difficult as my manager. Anyway I challenged him and he suggested we have an affair. Told him no way. He told me he has regular long term affairs. Still with wife and they have had a third child now. She posts about how wonderful he is.

He is the same type of guy, just cut contact and be grateful you are not one marrying him. If he's told you he's marrying her and flirting he is clearly telling you he wants affair but nothing serious.

So what exactly is it about this prince among men which has convinced you that you love him? Because he doesn't sound all that appealing to me.

He's very sweet and boyish (he is slightly younger) and emotionally raw with me. It presses my emotional buttons.

Penguin that sounds rough. We're actually friends so there isn't that power disparity. Plus to be fair to be, I do think he's hot.

Having your manager treat you like that must be very awkward and uncomfortable for you. Hope you managed to move past it okay

you sound ridiculous.

he has a partner and so do you, wtaf.

have some respect for your partner and his and grow the fuck up while you're at it.

It was fine and I wasn't tempted even though he was attractive and rich as it started when his wife was pregnant with her first and thought even if she is horrible what sort of man would do that. I knew his manager very well and she was my friend, I did have to tell her when he tried to fail my appraisal for rejecting him. All got resolved very quickly. He left shortly after but then started suggesting I work for him there. 😂

Its much easier to see through men in hindsight though. Think its normal to fall for others but about 95% of men are just after affairs. Women often think they've got the 5%.

He's not into you op, you're just an ego stroking exercise.

While it wasn't for the length of time this seems to be going on for I did have similar once.

It basically came to a head on a works night out where we both admitted if we weren't both engaged with kids then something would have happened that night. Everyone in work thought we hooked up that night

We avoided each other and never spoke of it again

Yes, he's using you. It probably feels great to him knowing you'll listen to his emotional wittering, and he gets the thrill of a workplace flirtation and knowing he could have you if he snapped his fingers.

Boyish and sweet? Or immature and manipulative? This whole thing looks very different from the outside, honestly, and you are being played for a chump.

@Brickedit

My husband always says that when you realise you have strong feelings for someone else outside your relationship that the best way to kill the feelings is to tell your husband/wife/partner about these feelings. Once you put it out there then the feelings will go away. Thats his perspective and worth a try as part of the issue is that you are keeping a secret from your husband/partner.

I realise you cannot control how you feel but I would come down with the flu on the night of the works do and make sure you do have contact with him. Instead organise a date night with your other half and remember why you are with him!

There is another colleague that's known for doing the same as you have described, penguin. I don't get it.

Do you think once they have one affair is it like who cares?

I don't want an affair because seems like a horrid situation to be in.

It may seem dramatic ridiculous or disloyal to think or feel the way I do but

I am actively considering my feelings so I act with purpose and full knowledge of myself. Including what I'm actually capable of.

I really need think hard. Then I have to be honest with myself. What do I want and what can I live with?

I don't think my friend is as calculating as your manager. I think he's being willfully ignorant and using me for an ego boost.

I think it's a massive compliment to have someone that you like like you back, even in this relationship.

I've just taken it too far because I do love my partner and I want to be a loyal person.

You won't be having an affair because he's not in to you in that way. It's tragically obvious. You are being mugged off as a pp says and probably reading too much in to things, even your posts make no sense.

You sound a little... sorry... obsessed. Shouldn’t you be focussed on your partner? If he’s just “cold water” on your fun, then you need to think hard ABOUT YOUR ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP, NOT THE MADE UP ONE. Ahem. Scuse caps. But really.

Yes, I need to put it out of my head completely. Thank you everyone.

This is just embarassing...

cringe

cringe

@Brickedit

Interesting first post.

Also...

I am embarrassed for you. I have seen you post this before, and it gets more cringe-worthy every time. So dramatic and full of over-egging.

Are you practising your creative writing skills?

"He's very sweet and boyish (he is slightly younger) and emotionally raw with me. It presses my emotional buttons."

"Last time I didn't drink and he did and I realised how much sexual tension there was."

"We keep going through this cycle of getting really close and then releasing we've gone too far and backing off again. Then we start talking again, lines get blurred."

PLEASE!!! 😂😂🤣