Single mums are great in bed but no good for a relationship...

[Kerolina]

This is what I was told today, amongst a group of colleagues on a KIT day. Apparently because they are usually idiots who used a man for a child or are no fun anymore as they only do kiddy stuff. But apparently are 'gagging for it' as they're no good at relationships do don't get regular sex (anyone else thinking wtf? They all laughed and agreed). They don't know that during my maternity leave (currently on) I left my abusive DH and am now a single mum. My manager knows and is very supportive but it's confidential so nobody else knows. They have no idea I'm single. I didn't have the energy to question it. I left very quickly and sobbed in the bathroom.

Why am I so upset over this? I'm so fragile and I hate it.

Oh yeah and I was a single mum. Some men are after just a shag. But that's with anyone.

I was never short of attention from decent men. I just wasnr interested for a good while.

Well some men do use it as an excuse to not get serious because ahh children. But they will be targeting women to use their excuses on and just like all things for some women the stereotype will fit but it’s a stereotype it doesn’t fit all.

Ive seen many posts on mn about not wanting to date a single dad with kids. Its hardly different

@araiwa there's a big difference between not wanting to date a single mum, and saying single mums are all bad for relationships and are absolutely gagging for sex. I take no offence to someone not wanting to date a single mum due to personal preference or dislike of children.

Talking about it on MN is very different from talking about it in the workplace, making asinine comments about women in front of women.

(Really, people don't like dating single dads? I can't say I've noticed that - would have, as I'm dating one. What board?)

Ive seen many posts on mn about not wanting to date a single dad with kids. Its hardly different

I dont want to date a single dad. I have kids of my own and dont want to try and balance 4 plus kids as I never wanted lots of kids.

That's totally different to saying 'yeah they arent good enough to date but are desperate for shag cause they are so lonely.'

I dont choose to date single dads because I dont want lots of kids. I dont look down on them and take the piss and brag about how o take advantage of them.

If OP came and said when was upset because a man said he didnt to date a single mum. That's fine.

ofcourse this is a thing. ive heard this alot from men, they would sleep with single mothers but not get into a relationship with them. once i goodled “are single mothers” and the suggestions were “easy” and “desperate”, i put in “are single fathers” just to compare, and the suggestions were “attractive” and “more attractive” what does that tell you?!

Ah, weep all ye single mothers, for ye shall not bag any of these absolute prizes - lest for a fleeting night of, at best, pretty mediocre sex (if you can stomach it)…

Personally I don't think misogynist arseholes are great relationship material either. I prefer men that see women as proper humans.

Sorry you've been going through such a tough time OP. No man that is worth giving the time of day holds such odious views.

Well done for getting out of an abusive situation. Love and respect to you

I think it would have helped them get it, if you had broken down in front of them before leaving the room.

They really should see the damage such arsehole comments cause.

I was a single parent for a long time and I certainly wasn't gagging for it. But I was always fighting off irritating men (single or not!) who were desperate and gagging for it.

I had standards. And a vibrator.

I'm great in bed AND fabulous as a girlfriend too.

I don’t date single dads to the poster who asked. Because I don’t want the hassle of blending families and someone else’s children.

I have been single and have had some great sex during that time, casual, FWB and relationships too.

You should absolutely go to HR and report them. Good luck.

Inappropriate discussion in a workplace and you would be within your rights to complain to HR. I am a man and whilst I would not wish for an 'instant family' I do not think as your work colleagues do, nor do I think single mums (or dads) are no good at relationships.

Yes I’ve heard this too.

I was told single mums are a safer bet because they are stuck in looking after kids instead of going out and meeting other men. Fat ones are even better because they are more greatful. - all declared by my arsehole BIL . Disgusting

Report it to HR.

If it was an actual thing there would be no second marriages! Or any step mums etc.

It's a load of shit. What about single dads. I lots of splits now the couples share custody 50 50.

Hopefully karma will come and bite them in the ass one day when their wife leaves them due to their outdated and sexist views and the next woman they fall for was only with them for the no strings sex.

OP you've had a LOT to deal with, you've been so brave leaving a bad relationship and you're still looking after a small baby. You may be over reacting to them being twats. I personally wouldn't go to HR. I'd just take great pleasure in turning them down when they find out you're single

I've been thinking of you OP, how are you?

Unfortunately there are such wankers out there who just fixate their narrow minded lives on getting laid. It is there fault and problem, not yours. They are so wrong, I wouldn't even waste my breath and time thinking about these immature little boys. I almost pity them as their lives must be so shallow.

Please know that all men won't have this horrid opinion. There are lovely men out there who will treat you with the respect and love that you deserve. Try to switch your focus into looking for and spending time with these men (when you are ready).

Your colleagues sound delightful OP....Jesus wept!!
I'd treat them with the contempt they deserve.

IME a lot of extremely inappropriate stuff gets talked about in offices. Some people seem completely incapable of engaging their brain and are more interested in being the funny guy.

If it made you feel uncomfortable I would honestly speak to HR about it. You aren't being a fun police and you shouldn't have to shrug it off as banter. It's not the pub on a Friday night, it is a place of work. People will keep doing it if they aren't pulled up on it. There is nothing wrong with expecting people to be professional during work.

Great news that you got away ...another one safely and sensibly away from an abuser,well done you.

As for this work 'banter', its actually sexist and hr need informing that this talk is going on at work, and being offensive to the female members of staff.

Can you email hr a brief description of the things said, as you were trying to get yourself a tea in a room full of men being sexist?

They really need to stop this harmful degrading speak of women who are doing things they can't even imagine and will never come anywhere close to measuring up to!

Go you, awesome!

People are idiots. They haven't got a clue. That's overgeneralizing at its worst. That's like saying 'All married people are miserable'. Have some witty comebacks on standby.
For instance: 'I'm great in bed, I could sleep all day!'
'All the best china is left on the shelf'
etc

To the married women, I'd say, ye, but your husbands are very good at asking me out. Says you don't give him attention. Head tilt.
To the single men I would say, well, honey, you would know if you found someone to marry you.
To the married men? Stop sleazing on me. Thanks.

Don't fucking listen to that shite.

I've had more married men try to get into my pants than ants. Pathetic arseholes. Their wives aren't doing it for them obviously.

I can't believe people are seeing this as a dating issue not a sexual harassment issue. It's no more realistic, and just as inappropriate, as if they'd been talking about the sex lives of porn stars at work. Get to HR now!

I read from the smug marrieds on here every day 'my husband would never cheat on me'. Not a night has gone by when I'm out that a married man hasn't tried it on with me. So shove their fucking arsehole opinions up their arses. If they're married, they're fucking miserable anyway. You only have to read this board to see what they're married to.

And if it was a crowd of men at it, get their asses on plates with HR. See what they explain to their little wives..........

Please don't take it to heart....it's hideous and horrible and unfortunately various sections of the community are de humanised like this, it's wrong and horrible and I'm so sorry you feel understandably hurt. Those men at your work should be reported which I understand you feel too vulnerable to do ..understandable again but I wish someone would do it because maybe they definitely need an attitude overhaul.