Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Secret phone calls

74 replies

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 22:49

Asking for a friend.

Would you think anything untoward was going on if a married man befriended a married woman. They got on extremely well. He phoned her weekly for friendly chats and didn’t mention these conversations to his wife.

Would you think that they just have a nice friendship or would you be suspicious?

If you overheard their conversation and it truly was just a friendly chat for half an hour, nothing inappropriate, but nonetheless secret, would you still be suspicious?

OP posts:

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:19

And ladies, this woman wants one of your husbands.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:21

I'm not married, I've no horse in this race, but I know exactly what you're asking OP.
You want everyone to say that the husband should dump his wife for checking his phone?
How about you stop calling him for your secret calls.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:23

For someone who is friends with the wife, you seem to know nothing about her actual life with her husband, only that she has caught her husband talking to you twice and has checked his phone.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nearlythere1 · 09/04/2019 00:27

wow @apoiads... i cant tell if you're extremely perceptive or way off the mark...

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:36

Come on.
She knows nothing about the 'friend'
But she knows everything about the phonecalls.

She doesn't care about the friend, but wants to know how this will turn out.

You don't need to be Einstein.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:39

She didn't for e.g. ask, how she could advise her friend to find out if her husband was having an affair.
Instead, she asked how this would turn out.............

I'm no Jessica Fletcher, but I know what this one is.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:40

Just read it from the start as if it's the wannabe OW posting.

IC4nSeeYourPixels · 09/04/2019 01:08

If she heard him on the phone why didn't she just ask him who he was talking to? A few times I've heard my husbands voice when I'm upstairs and Id just ask him who he'd been chatting to if I wanted to know.

Husband knows who my friends are but I don't inform him every time I've phoned on and I don't usually phone them around him, I'd do it when he's at work or when I'm upstairs. So not a secret but I don't make an announcement. Just asked him if he knows the last time I phoned my friend, he said he has no idea.

FenellaMaxwell · 09/04/2019 01:17

@ZippyBungleandGeorge pretty sure his wife is on here - there’s a lunatic who regularly starts threads kicking off that female coworkers have signed her husband’s office birthday card, and that there are sometimes women at the swimming pool where he goes swimming...

Original poster

PinkSodaPop · 09/04/2019 01:41

I wish my life were that interesting Apoiads! I’m just trying to help a friend.

OP posts:

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 01:43

How are you trying to help your friend?

Original poster

PinkSodaPop · 09/04/2019 01:48

She wanted my opinion about whether or not she should be worried. I think it sounds suspicious but I have been cheated on by my first husband so wasn’t sure if I was objective so thought I’d ask opinions on here. This is what Mumsnet is for isn’t it?

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkSodaPop · 09/04/2019 01:49

If someone wanted advice about being the OW they would just ask. It’s an anonymous forum!

OP posts:

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 01:58

And what was your advice to her?

Original poster

PinkSodaPop · 09/04/2019 02:02

I said I thought it was probably innocent because I didn’t want to alarm her when we don’t know anything for sure. I didn’t tell her what to do.

I don’t think she should tell him she checked his phone though.

OP posts:

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 03:10

Why, what was she thinking of doing?

TooBusyHavingFun · 09/04/2019 06:58

Is apoiads on opioids!?

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 09/04/2019 07:06

Apoids may be on to something and if she’s wrong I’d be surprised,

Mumsnet has lots of op’s from ow’s who are just dying to talk about it. It’s very exciting for some of them and they have nobody to talk about it to in real life.

whiskeysourpuss · 09/04/2019 07:19

Did your friend think to check how often (& when) he texts his friends number when she was checking his phone bill - as that would give more insight into the level of contact between them.

I have a male friend & we sometimes call each other on the drive home - it's a good time to chat as we're both alone in our respective cars for 30/40 minutes... I highly doubt he's going in saying "hey babe, just on the phone to whiskey there, she was moaning about her job & her car needs a service" but at the same time it's not a secret & he will mention in passing that he's spoken to me such as if I've said a movie was good... so as PP's it's not the phone calls it's the secrecy that would worry me.

NotFatTransslender · 09/04/2019 18:13

Maybe he is innocently phoning her for a chat on the way to or from work as he does his other friends.

But does he do this with his other (male) friends, or indeed his wife? Or does he reserve this time for talking to this specific friend. That would be the thing that made me wonder if it was totally innocent.

My DP calls me on his way home from work/meetings etc. I know he also calls his kids, brothers, dad etc. If I found out he’d been calling a female friend during his drive home just for a chat, I’d definitely wonder if it was more than friendship.

Indie139 · 10/04/2019 15:16

I once dated a guy who would always message 1 particular woman and one day i went through his phone call history (dont shoot me) and saw that he would call her every day..sometimes as soon as he left for work or at some point during the day. She was in his 'frequently contacted' list and he had deleted all message history. I didnt say anything as i didnt want him to know i looked at his phone plus i wasnt 100% sure of what was going on..i was however highly suspicious. I did ask him though if he was speaking to anyone else and he said no. I then noticed messages kept popping up but with a guys name (soon discovered that he had changed her name to a guys name to throw me off) this was after a message popped up with him being called 'baby' and so i confronted him. He denied anything was going on..i got hold of her number and asked her myself but she didnt reply and blocked me. I didnt fully confirm anything but based on the secrets, lies and gut feeling ..i left.

Bluntness100 · 10/04/2019 15:24

Is it really a secret? Or did he just not mention it? I have Male friends I have female friends, both genders that I talk to. I don't explicitly sit and say to my husband who I spoke to, Male or female, on a given day. It's not a secret. It's simply not important. I don't need my husband to tell me who he speaks to either.

If the calls sound innocent, I simply wouldn't have an issue with it.

I would however have an issue my husband checking my phone logs, talking about me to his mates, and calling it a secret, because I chose not to give him a daily breakdown on who I spoke to and when.

How controlling is that?

Bluntness100 · 10/04/2019 15:29

Indie, I'm sorry that happened to you, but it's not the same thing as here. This man is not phoning her daily, he's not hiding her name, they aren't texting and calling each other baby, so it's sad he was cheating on you but not relevant to this thread.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread