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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secret phone calls

74 replies

PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 22:49

Asking for a friend.

Would you think anything untoward was going on if a married man befriended a married woman. They got on extremely well. He phoned her weekly for friendly chats and didn’t mention these conversations to his wife.

Would you think that they just have a nice friendship or would you be suspicious?

If you overheard their conversation and it truly was just a friendly chat for half an hour, nothing inappropriate, but nonetheless secret, would you still be suspicious?

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 08/04/2019 23:39

I had a colleague once, male, in a largely female industry. He wouldn't take birthday cards from the team home, we weren't allowed to text him, or call. It was common due to the random nature and hours of our work, so on a late group the night before, he may already be at home and I find out our early morning session isn't going ahead, with any other colleague I would've text so they could come in later, we all had huge amounts of TOIL. I wouldn't with him as I knew his wife was incredibly controlling and hated that he worked with and was friendly with women. He was the nicest guy and never even an inkling of untoward behaviour with anyone. It was a colleague's retirement, he'd worked with her nearly thirty years, but said it wasn't worth the hassle of even asking if he could go to her leaving meal. Control doesn't only go one way. If it is genuinely innocent and you've heard that, leave it alone

DemelzaPoldarksshinerrefiner · 08/04/2019 23:40

Where does he go to host these secret calls ?

Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:40

I would be furious if I found my husband checking my phone Justmuddlingalong and I’m completely innocent.

OP posts:
Sunonthepatio · 08/04/2019 23:43

The secret is a problem.

Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:43

Friend says they happen on his drive to or from work.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:45

She told me that she overheard one in the garden and another one when she was putting the food waste out, presumably at the end of the conversations. He didn’t see her.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 08/04/2019 23:47

I think it’s 1 and 2 together. He’s probably not planning an affair at this stage but it’s still not good.

Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:48

I see my friend’s dilemma. She shouldn’t have snooped or eavesdropped. The snippets of conversation that she has heard have been completely innocent. Yet the conversations are regular and secret.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:49

I'm completely innocent too, but wouldn't bother my shirt if DP checked my phone.

Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:50

greenlynx I wonder where it will end up.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 08/04/2019 23:51

Maybe he wouldn’t mind Justmuddlingalong. I would though! I’d think I wasn’t trusted and I think that would damage our relationship.

OP posts:
Apoiads · 08/04/2019 23:53

And I think you're the other woman and want this to be more than friendship.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/04/2019 23:55

So she'll say nothing, let it continue and deal with any possible fallout should it happen? Rather than admit to looking at his phone? Is she one of those cool wifes?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 08/04/2019 23:56

The thing I wonder about is how much are these conversations 'secret' as such, or if he just has them when he's not at home/with his DW? Perhaps he just has them when he has time for them, rather than deliberately hiding them?

I'm not saying I wouldn't feel unsettled by it, but it could genuinely be a simple as that.

LemonTT · 08/04/2019 23:58

Honestly, we can’t tell you what is going on. Can’t your friend just ask him because she isn’t going to find out the truth by canvassing the internet.

Apoiads · 08/04/2019 23:59

Yet the conversations are regular and secret.

How do you know?

I wonder where it will end up

Why do you care?

Unless of course that you are the OW having the conversations.........
You can't ask us whether we think he'll leave his wife for you, can you?

Because you know what we're going to tell you.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:00

Posters, there is no 'friend'.

This is the wannabe OW posting.

Original poster
PinkSodaPop · 09/04/2019 00:01

I think you’re right. She just has to ask him but I know she won’t.

I’m not the wife or the husband’s friend! My life is far less interesting.

OP posts:
OnceUponATime000 · 09/04/2019 00:02

I think the fact they are on his drive to and from work makes it more likely to be innocent. Probably bored on the commute so fills the time with a chat and it's probably a time she's free as well. Is it even a secret? Maybe he is innocently phoning her for a chat on the way to or from work as he does his other friends and the commute is the only decent free time in the day for a chat ( probably wants to spend his time at home with his wife talking to her not half an hour on the phone to his friend) and because she is just a friend he's never even thought to mention it.

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:06

I think the woman on the phone is deluding herself if she thinks he is going to leave his wife for her. I think she should find an unmarried man and get herself a conscience and get off MN

TooTrueToBeGood · 09/04/2019 00:07

If it’s innocent, it should not be a secret

Unless, perhaps, the wife is the sort of person who will never accept it's innocent.

TooTrueToBeGood · 09/04/2019 00:09

I think the woman on the phone is deluding herself if she thinks he is going to leave his wife for her

What exactly are you smoking?

Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:11

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Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:13

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Apoiads · 09/04/2019 00:15

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