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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Right time for baby financially

33 replies

GreytExpectations · 08/04/2019 21:26

Ive NC for this but may actually keep the name as im a long time lurker but short time poster...

Anyways, my DH and I are beginning to discuss having a baby. We have been together in total for 6 years but married for 2. We arent TTC yet but probably will be in the next 6 months- 1 year. Im worried that we arent in the "ideal" financial situation yet. But we are good enough i think. We own our home (as of last sept.) We both have stable full time jobs with a joint annual income of £59,000 (but this is before tax) and my has a great mat leave with a lot of career progression options and flexi leave options. My DH is underpaid for what he does so he is currently looking for a new job but as of now not having much luck- honestly, having him earn a bit more money would be great for us but i also feel like us having a baby wont really stop his career the way it could potentially set mine back. Our marriage and overall relationship is strong and in a good place and kids is something we both have always wanted.
We are currently trying to build our savings back from buying the house but I wouldnt want this to delay us.
I guess what im asking is AIBU to think our financial situation is realistic for having a baby?

OP posts:
Slicedpineapple · 08/04/2019 21:28

Yes it is fine. For what it is worth people have babies in much worse of financial situations but make it work fine.

hammeringinmyhead · 08/04/2019 21:30

It sounds fine and you would have a year ish at least to build savings. However, do factor in childcare costs after you go back to work.

I personally wasn't happy to try for a baby without savings in case of redundancy for one or both of us.

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 08/04/2019 21:36

@Slicedpineapple yes, ive thought that too. But i feel like as we would be purposely trying for a baby that maybe itd be silly to do it before my DH's enxt career move? But we honestly dont know when that would be!
Yes, we are saving quite a bit at the moment. DH has a major event next year that he is spending a lot on but we are aware of that in advance so should be ok.

OP posts:
whattershame · 08/04/2019 22:05

Well I had loads of savings but I waited and wish I hadn't as I would love to have had another baby but it is too late.

Oh and now I don't have loads of money at all and we are struggling due to health and other issues beyond our control just bad bad luck but good that we have not lost the house I suppose.

If you are healthy and have your own house then go for it I say. Save as much as you can but remember life can change.

Redorangeyellowgreen · 08/04/2019 22:08

How old are you? Your situation sounds fine to me but if you're still very young why not wait for your DH to make his career move first. If you're already a bit older,, go ahead and TTC just in case things don't happen as quickly as you'd like.

KC225 · 08/04/2019 22:13

There is never the exact right time to have a baby. You could do with more savings, you wanted to do Peru, you will miss out on your best friend's Vegas hen party, if I have a baby now I miss out on the reshuffle at work. In the end you have to close your eyes, hold your nose and jump of the cliff.

JK2012 · 08/04/2019 22:16

I would say it sounds fine. You own your home therefore have a home for the baby which is the most important thing imo. So many females get pregnant without anywhere decent to live first. This isn’t me judging as I’ve been in the situation myself. I was young, the bloke was a let down and I had to live with my mum and struggled to afford to move out. I couldn’t afford baby items, had to have hand me downs, second hand etc.

Completely different scenario when I had DD. Own my own home and it makes a world of difference. I could afford more when I had DD, not that I bought anything ridiculously expensive but it was nice feeling to be able to afford decent items.

Sounds like you earn a comfortable wage too. Families do it on much less.

The only downside is that we have struggled to save. We do a little bit set aside but it’s impossible to save with two D.C. at times so maybe try and save as much as possible now?

I don’t think there ever is a perfect time to have a baby tbh.

cadburyegg · 08/04/2019 22:16

We have 2 kids and don’t earn that. You’ll be fine.

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 08/04/2019 22:20

Good advice and yes i agree there is never a good time. I do worry about what we will miss out on but then that could be the case no matter when we have a baby, its just a risk that we have to take isnt it?

Im 27 and DH is 30. Ive always said id like to have my first child before age 30 and dh supports this. I dont know how long it will take

OP posts:
Original poster
GreytExpectations · 08/04/2019 22:23

Another thing about our lifestyle is we share one car so we would need to buy a second by the time a baby arrived. I think we can save for this and buy second hand so should be ok...

OP posts:
BucketfannywhoreIstinksofshit · 08/04/2019 22:24

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Singlenotsingle · 08/04/2019 22:30

So how old are you OP?

RoseMartha · 08/04/2019 22:31

Some families manage with one car just fine. We never had two cars.

There is never going to be the perfect time. You just learn to adapt your finances accordingly.

fantasticdog · 08/04/2019 22:31

Never a good time to have a baby. I had first 2 when I was full time at university living in a multi storey in the roughest part of the city. My husband worked 7 days a week waiting tables to support me at uni. We went on to have another 2 and went without holidays extras for 15 years. Still in late 30s - just and are very comfortable. Looking forward to grandchildren believe it or not. Money is not important. You’ve got fair income anyway

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/04/2019 22:33

I'd want more savings behind me before TTC so in the event of a job loss etc I could still support a child.

Look into childcare costs and save that amount, that way you'll have more savings and then when it comes to paying the actual childcare you know you can afford it. I'm always surprised at how many people never even look at childcare costs.

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 08/04/2019 22:38

@Singlenotsingle i said in my previous post, im 27 and dh is 30

Thank you for the advice, its helped put my mind at ease a bit. Just worrying a little bit as dh has been applying for jobs since jan with no luck

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 08/04/2019 23:56

Sorry OP. I missed that

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 09/04/2019 07:58

No worries, *Signlenotsingle", its very easily done on these forums :)

I appreciate people's advice and am happy to take more! It helps put things into perspective as I've been broody off and on for the last 2 years with now it really starting to peak and I think its because we now have our own home so feel like the next step will be a baby...

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TheGoogleMum · 09/04/2019 08:34

My ideal time financially for a child would have meant waiting 5 years, I was already 29 and wanted to start by 30 really. Our situation was fine but no savings and had some debt... we've had the baby now (and I'm 30), managed to save enough while pregnant to cover part of maternity leave and I think we can just about manage when I return to work although we will be back to minimum payments on debt for a few years. I say go for it, if you wait for the perfect time you'll end up putting it off too long. A surprising amount of people seem to have difficulties conceiving too, if it's going to take 2 years you'd be glad you didn't wait (some are lucky and are pregnant instantly too so need to be prepared to manage either way....)

CornishMaid1 · 09/04/2019 08:42

Ideal does not mean much when ttc. You sound as though you have thought about the finances and you have the time ttc and whilst pregnant to make sure you have plenty tucked away.

As someone who has been ttc for 5 1/2 years with no luck, don't bother waiting. You may get lucky and have a baby during next year, but you could be like the unfortunate of us and be waiting years.

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 09/04/2019 09:00

As someone who has been ttc for 5 1/2 years with no luck, don't bother waiting. You may get lucky and have a baby during next year, but you could be like the unfortunate of us and be waiting years.

This is what concerns me most. I have an irrational fear of having problems TTC or not being able to. No idea where it stems from but I guess since I was a kid I knew i wanted to be a mum so its kind of my worst fear :(

OP posts:
Original poster
GreytExpectations · 09/04/2019 09:01

@CornishMaid1 Apologies! As I didn't mean for that to sound so self-centered. I am really sorry about your situation and it must be very upsetting. Fingers crossed that it will happen for you!

OP posts:
Piewife · 09/04/2019 09:27

You'll be fine. We've had two in similar financial circumstances (our own house and about the same joint income, maybe slightly less). DH changed jobs when I was 4 months pregnant with our second. We're running two cars and we're fairly comfortable.

There will always be some reason to put it off if you wait for "perfect" circumstances (if that exists!). I'd just go for it.

Good luck!

ShartGoblin · 09/04/2019 10:26

I'm the same age as you and I feel the same way. The question I asked myself is - Which would be worse? Losing my job & DP and having to scrape by with a baby to support alone or saving for longer until things are "perfect" and then finding out it's too late to try.

Both worst case scenarios obviously but important to consider. For me, the first outcome is a terrifying but doable prospect but the second, totally devastating. That gave me my answer.

Original poster
GreytExpectations · 09/04/2019 11:06

@ShartGoblin I totally agree with you POV. Loss of job is devastating but manageable. Waiting too long sadly cannot be rectified. I think i'm going to speak with DH about this thread. We have decided to compromise and wait until end of this year to discuss if we want to start TTC or not. So maybe hearing all this will put him at ease.

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