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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DHs who buy lingerie as a “gift for you.”

50 replies

Questionaire · 08/04/2019 15:36

Hi hope I’m posting in the right place with this one, but was wondering what MN think is reasonable. For instance, if your DH regularly buys you lingerie, wouid this be considered as selfish in that it’s a gift for him, rather than you? My friend thinks the former; that it’s not a considerate or personal gift at all and also that it’s “pressurising” if his expectation is that you’ll be happy to wear it. Is / has anyone been in this situation and what do you think is reasonable please?

OP posts:
alittlesnow · 08/04/2019 15:38

I guess it's debatable. I wouldn't mind, but I get that others would.

If you feel pissed off/pressured, buy a penis extension kit for him in return.

Happyspud · 08/04/2019 15:40

It really depends on the couple. Clearly for your friend in her relationship that’s what it would feel like.

MadameAnchou · 08/04/2019 15:41

I'm with your friend unless you are someone who is into lingerie, and usually those who are, are into high quality stuff not tatty crap that some find 'sexy'. Otherwise, it's a gift for him. I wouldn't consider that a gift. But I'm also with being honest. 'I'm not into underwear like this. This isn't a gift for me. It's for you and I feel pressured to wear it when you know I don't like it.'

mila1988 · 08/04/2019 15:42

Hiya, I think it depends on the person. If you are quite a shy person and DH buys sexy lingerie then its purely for his benefit however if in that situation he buys cute lingerie then i suppose hes trying to be nice. It also depends on the type of lingerie he is buying, if its practical/cute/comfy wear then that means no expectations but if its more like bondage/sexy type then maybe he expects her to wear it.

allinmyhead12 · 08/04/2019 15:43

i get new matching undies every christmas, no expectations of anything from the DH. Actually he picks nice looking and practical stuff and more than what i would pay for something noone sees but him LOL
I never see it as something for him and selfish at all. I get other stuff too its just become a tradition of ours.

Raera · 08/04/2019 15:45

We buy lingerie for each other and it's a gift "for us"

BloodsportForAll · 08/04/2019 15:47

Had an ex that bought cheap and ill fitting lingerie because he liked it on me. I hated it.

Theredjellybean · 08/04/2019 15:52

My dp buys lingerie for me...often and has done all through the various stages of our relationship.
I love it, I love lingerie and I like wearing it whether for him or me..
I just don't get the thought that even if he has bought it, because he'd like to see you in that is so bad.
It is nice to do things for our partner.. Whether it be wear something they bought or cooking their favourite meal or going with them to a film you might not want to watch, as a date.
Its very much part of the give and take of a relationship.

Original poster
Questionaire · 08/04/2019 15:54

I don’t mean tat, it’s quite expensive stuff, but not necessarily what you might buy for yourself or wear outside the bedroom.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 08/04/2019 17:07

If it isn't something to wear out of the bedroom then it's a gift for himself. Similar to if he bought a new iron for you to iron his shirts.

However if the agreement is buy something for each other then that's different.

madcatladyforever · 08/04/2019 17:10

If he gets me a full coverage comfy bra and a pair of control pants it's for me, red thong, it's for him Grin

MissEliza · 08/04/2019 17:22

It pisses me off. One Christmas I got a Victoria's Secret gift card. Angry Naturally I bought the most sensible underwear they sold. Dh said that's not what I had in mind GrinGrinGrin

AProphecyForAFantasy · 08/04/2019 17:25

My best male friend buys all my lingerie. I absolutely love it Blush

Connieston · 08/04/2019 17:25

I love lingerie so I'd not be offended. It depends on the relationship and if it's linked to an expectation of sex. Which again wouldn't be an issue for me but your mileage may vary.

DryHeave · 08/04/2019 17:26

Lingerie must be in addition to real presents.

mummmy2017 · 08/04/2019 17:27

He is trying, a lot of men do nothing.
Why not direct him to what you want...
He is trying to show you he is still into you, what stage of life are you at?
As he may be trying to tell you something.

GummyGoddess · 08/04/2019 17:32

@Connieston op said not to wear outside of the bedroom, so is linked to sex.

Samind · 08/04/2019 17:36

I wouldn't like it but our dynamic is different. I suppose I wouldn't appreciate it. It just depends how you feel about it

FromDespairToHere · 08/04/2019 17:37

I love wearing sexy lingerie in the bedroom. DP buys most of it for me but it's certainly not a "present" for me, it's for us. I'd certainly be pissed of if it was my birthday present!

SimonJT · 08/04/2019 17:43

It depends entirely on the couple, I didn’t buy my previous ex any as it wasn’t his thing, I did my first ex however as it was his, he now wears a lot of it to perform, which took a lot of getting used to.

StillMe1 · 08/04/2019 17:45

I love getting nice lingerie. DP knows the kind I like and chooses well. I would expect someone close enough to buy undies to know the receiver's preferrences.
I would not be happy if a fairly new man bought lingerie.
I dont feel under any pressure when given lingerie or night wear.

Connieston · 08/04/2019 17:46

Do you want to have sex or are you feeling pressured?

gamerchick · 08/04/2019 17:47

If you feel pissed off/pressured, buy a penis extension kit for him in return

Lovehoney do some delectable hollow strap ons. Some of them vibrate as well. Tell him it's a gift for him.

RedPandaFluff · 08/04/2019 17:50

Personally, I don't love lingerie as a present under normal circumstances - as much as I like lovely things, I wouldn't consider it a treat or a gift especially for me.

Having said that, DH and I have had a difficult few months and DTD has fallen right by the wayside - so if he bought me lingerie right now I'd be delighted as it would mean he still fancies me and sees me as his sexual partner, rather than just his ultra-hormonal, tired, often under-the-weather housemate 😄

wonderingsoul · 08/04/2019 17:50

Dp will buy it randomly for me.. and I'm ok with that.

However.. he know if he buys it for an occasion like birthday, Christmas he has to get me a normal present to.