Secret Smoking

[PrtScn]

My DP couldn’t find the dogs collar, so when he took dog out using the harness, I thought I’d look for it. I couldn’t find it anywhere in the house so checked the coat pockets of the coat he usually wears and I found a lighter. With suspicion aroused, I looked in his work bag and found a packet of cigarettes. So basically he has been lying to me about not smoking.
What would you do? I’m very anti-smoking as one of my parents and an uncle have died of lung cancer in their early 50s having been smokers. We have a small baby, and DP is nearly 50 so I’m concerned about his health. I don’t know why or when he started smoking. I did ask several months back if he had been smoking as I thought I could smell something, but he denied it.
I feel bad about looking in his workbag. So don’t know if I should just forget I saw them, stick a “busted” note in the packet or ask him directly about it.

If a partner locked me out that would be the end, there is no way I would put up with being abused, nor would I want my son being taught that abuse is normal and okay.

OP, just talk to him.
Don't play games with nasty notes etc.
Just ask him about it.

That's grim sosoouting
Nasty.

Another one shocked at @SoSoOuting ‘s actions. Definitely abusive.

@sosoouting you are an abuser.

@OP, your husband is (presumably) a functioning, autonomous human being. So he’s free to have a cigarette if he likes. Ok, so you don’t like it but why does what YOU want trump what HE wants? I’d be absolutely furious if my partner told me how to behave, especially if they thought they could deal with it with little notes like he’s a naughty child. You have to respect his choices, not demand he fits in with your personal opinions.

I would never have humiliated him in front of everyone

No you only humiliate him behind closed doors!!

soso, getting the result you want NEVER justifies abusive behaviour.

That’s bloody vile.

@BrightYellowDaffodil what I want doesn’t trump what he wants, but now that we have a little person in our charge, LO’s wants trump both of ours. I’m sure LO would like grow up with both parents alive and healthy, not with one parent dead from lung cancer (like I had to deal with - lung cancer is one of the most aggressive types of cancer, very low survival rates as often by the time it’s diagnosed, it has spread www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/statistics-by-cancer-type/lung-cancer#heading-Two)

I can’t stop him from smoking, you are correct. However I’m extremely disappointed that he has not only started, but lied about it.

I talked to him about it this morning before he left for work. He tried to change the topic a few times, and then admitted he does smoke the odd cigarette when he’s stressed. I expressed my disappointment but he neither said he would or wouldn’t stop. So knowing him, I think that means he’s not going to. I might start sending him articles on SIDs and third hand smoke.