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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to cancel this day trip?

50 replies

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 14:41

Easter holidays have just started here. DCs 1 & 2 are frequently trouble when they get together. Aged 4 (and 7 months) and 7 (and 7 months).

This morning both snuck some food items into their rooms, played with the food and made a real mess -wet food items ground into fairly high pile new-ish carpets. Not really cleanable with standard household equipment. We need to hire a carpet shampoo machine. Any trace left behind will leave the kind of stench that no one can live with.

We can get a machine; need to drive about 40 mile round trip to collect, and pay £27. We can afford this; financially not really a big deal...but the only discipline we really use in our house is natural consequences.

Tomorrow we were going to take a day trip to a visitor centre they love to go to. The entry fee is £25.

Would I be unreasonable to cancel the day trip to reinforce the natural consequence of the money budgeted for the day trip now being spent on the floor cleaner hire? The reality is we can afford it, but feel like rather than screaming and shouting this might make the point better.

If it helps to decide if IABU, I have no doubt they knew they were doing wrong at the time.

OP posts:

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 07/04/2019 14:44

I would do that. I would also tell them that one of them is the ringleader and they are being punished for suggesting the idea. The other is being punished for going along with it.
And work out a way for them to get themselves out of that situation in future. I told mine they should come to me and say 'I feel like doing something naughty' and they wouldn't get into trouble.

BertrandRussell · 07/04/2019 14:45

I think that sounds excellent- i’d do it. And i’d find ways of getting them to help with the clear up too.

Do you know why they did what they did?

peachesandclean · 07/04/2019 14:46

perfect punishment, much better than shouting and screaming as you said. If they were really looking forward to it, it will more likely hammer into their heads that they mustn't break the rules

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 07/04/2019 14:48

I would do that.

askingalways · 07/04/2019 14:52

Agreed, I would explain the consequence for you I.e having to spend money to put things right and time spent doing so and explain the resulting consequence for them.
I would drag them along for the whole clean up process too but I am a meany!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2019 14:52

Were they not being supervised given their ages?

Neither do you have to scream and shout to discipline. Plenty of ofther methods. I would make them assist with the clean up and wouldn't cancel a day out given their ages.

DC3dilemma · 07/04/2019 14:56

IceCreamAndCandyfloss I was feeding the baby. Amazingly at nearly 5 and 8, I do allow them to play in their rooms rather than sit with me every minute of the day.

But happy to hear of effective alternatives to natural consequences...

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/04/2019 14:59

No at 4 and 7 I would not be cancelling a day trip. Why weren’t you supervising properly? Especially the four year old.
Never known a messy food to need a specialist carpet cleaner just scrub well and use astonish.

DC3dilemma · 07/04/2019 15:00

BertrandRussell just a bit of impulsive hedonistic mischievousness really. The dynamic is youngest having a “great” impulsive idea, and oldest using the youngest to regress and indulge his inner toddler (he was a very sensible toddler/pre-schooler so this is new to him).

There was a realisation they’d gone too far, at least...I discovered what was going on when I heard conspirational whispering about how to clean it up. Thankfully I intervened here; amateurish attempts would have made it worse.

strathmore · 07/04/2019 15:01

What food was it? I can't see how you need a cleaner.

YouTheCat · 07/04/2019 15:02

Sounds like an excellent consequence.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 07/04/2019 15:02

I think natural consequences are absolutely fine here. They did something wrong, they caused damage, they lose the day out because you have to put it right. Kids that age shouldn’t need constant hovering supervision in the home, it’s not like you had them playing near a busy street.

DC3dilemma · 07/04/2019 15:04

MyDcAreMarvel I really don’t believe it is the norm to supervise children of these ages at all times in a locked, child proofed house. Sorry.

And yes, I have seen it, and for the first time ever (for us) despite my usually low cleaning standards, a proper piece of shampooing equipment is required.

strathmore · 07/04/2019 15:04

Are you posting under multiple names? DC3dilemma and Aspergallus

You have an interesting writing style, sensation creating.

Any trace left behind will leave the kind of stench that no one can live with Really?

MadMadMad · 07/04/2019 15:05

Yep I agree an ideal punishment. At that age they are old enough to understand they were doing wrong and to be able to connect the consequences with the act - once you have explained it.

SeaViewBliss · 07/04/2019 15:06

Do some parents really constantly have eyes on an almost 5 and almost 8 year old?

I can easily imagine mine doing similar at those ages. Not wildly destructive but also not thinking their actions through.

I think it’s a reasonable consequence and it sounds like you are taking a really sensible approach.

Oldraver · 07/04/2019 15:07

Any trace left behind will leave the kind of stench that no one can live with Really?

Well yes if it's milk.. the stench can last for a looong time

OKBobble · 07/04/2019 15:13

If it is milk spray with white vinegar it is what got rid of the sour milk smell from my car (broken bottle ages ago). The faint whiff of vinegar for a while is better than sour milk.

I agree with the plan. Actions have consequences and they are of an age to learn from this.

Original poster

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 15:13

strathmore yes, I use different names to help me remember threads and what I queried. Nothing suspicious about that I don’t think...otherwise I think you are looking into my statements in a bit of a strange way...the point I am making is that the kind of foodstuffs involved are notorious for the long term smells that cause problems selling homes if not dealt with; think fish, prawns, milk, rotten eggs etc. I’m going to stop responding to you now as you come across as someone being contrary for the sake of it rather than offering any actually helpful opinion.

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Butterymuffin · 07/04/2019 15:16

Seems reasonable to me. You evidently take them to this place regularly so they're not missing out on a one off experience, just a treat that they now don't get.

Original poster

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 15:16

Thanks everyone else...just needed to gauge opinion as I felt like I was being a bit mean. However they have lots of other great days out planned and a weekend away. Also, they won’t be sitting at home eating gruel tomorrow, we’ll do something else close to home (we live by the beach, so no hardship).

OP posts:

Dippypippy1980 · 07/04/2019 15:19

THey sound delightfully mischievous. I was like that as a child😬.

But they do need to learn consequences.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/04/2019 15:19

I think at that age, they were probably absorbed in their task. They were playing quietly in their rooms where you sent them.

They clearly Didn't intend to make a huge deliberate mess, but at that age, they have sometimes created the mess before they really understand how bad it is. Neither of them are experienced carpet cleaners. They probably thought it could just be wiped up. Now they know better.
Also you heard them discussing how to fix it. I think that is really positive. They had already realised they'd made a mess and wanted to clear it up.
Make them come with you on the long boring drive to get the cleaner thing, make them watch how its done and see how much effort it takes, fine them a small amount of pocket money, no TV.. or another cleaning task you can trust them with. I think that would have a more long term effect than "punishment" Shouldn't sterner discipline be reserved for intentional deliberate actions?
Also if you forego the day out which will keep them out of mischief and give you an easier day, its more like punishing yourself.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/04/2019 15:20

Crossed posts. I see you're still taking them out nearer to home.

Original poster

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 15:21

Butterymuffin Exactly -we go every school holiday.

The other thing (bit of a drip) is that we have been trying to teach them about money and value of money bit by bit at the moment. So as a natural consequence, useful in this respect too perhaps?

OP posts:

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