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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to cancel this day trip?

50 replies

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 14:41

Easter holidays have just started here. DCs 1 & 2 are frequently trouble when they get together. Aged 4 (and 7 months) and 7 (and 7 months).

This morning both snuck some food items into their rooms, played with the food and made a real mess -wet food items ground into fairly high pile new-ish carpets. Not really cleanable with standard household equipment. We need to hire a carpet shampoo machine. Any trace left behind will leave the kind of stench that no one can live with.

We can get a machine; need to drive about 40 mile round trip to collect, and pay £27. We can afford this; financially not really a big deal...but the only discipline we really use in our house is natural consequences.

Tomorrow we were going to take a day trip to a visitor centre they love to go to. The entry fee is £25.

Would I be unreasonable to cancel the day trip to reinforce the natural consequence of the money budgeted for the day trip now being spent on the floor cleaner hire? The reality is we can afford it, but feel like rather than screaming and shouting this might make the point better.

If it helps to decide if IABU, I have no doubt they knew they were doing wrong at the time.

OP posts:

Heyha · 07/04/2019 15:22

Sounds sensible to me, is logical and immediate for both DC to understand directly "I have had to spend the trip money on a special machine so your bedroom doesn't smell disgusting, if I leave it any longer it will be harder to fix so we can't go out today" and I imagine if they learn their lesson and behave very well for a while the day trip will be back on the agenda anyway, OP?

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/04/2019 15:23

Were they not being supervised given their ages?

😄 Typical judgy Mumsnet response. Really? Do you never, ever leave your children in another room for a couple of minutes? They’re 7and 4. Not one year olds.

Nanny0gg · 07/04/2019 15:24

Do try bicarb to sort out smell as well.

Bookworm4 · 07/04/2019 15:26

were they not being supervised
They are 5 & 8, not babies, and babies can be left as well.
These kids who never get a minutes breathing space I worry the kind of adults they'll become, scared to fart without an OK from dear Mumsy 🙄

paxillin · 07/04/2019 15:33

Perfectly good plan if they were both involved rather than just one of them.

Original poster

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 15:33

Bookworm4 yep, I know. But I also knew at least one person would say this. Sigh.

Thanks everyone. I’m off out now, so if this turns into YABU and looking like I’ve flounced I can assure you that’s not the case!

I think we will cancel, have a relaxed chat over dinner about the cost, time and effort that has had to go into it, and plan an excellent cost-free day for tomorrow instead. I just need to gird my loins and be prepared to go through with consequences rather than second guessing myself and catastrophising about ruining their holidays. Perhaps they can earn back the trip for next week in some way.

Dippypippy1980 yes they are...I saw the funny side at first but when I got down to clean it and saw how bad is was...sheesh.

OP posts:

paxillin · 07/04/2019 15:35

Getting the machine tomorrow to do the cleaning is enough of a plan, no?

BasilBrushes · 07/04/2019 15:36

No at 4 and 7 I would not be cancelling a day trip. Why weren’t you supervising properly? Especially the four year old.

My 4 and 7 year olds are currently playing cars in the living room. I’m in the kitchen having a cup of tea. Should I be in there with them?

Bookworm4 · 07/04/2019 15:39

@basil
Good God Woman!!! They could be burning the house down, dismembering each other, they could be out in the street carjacking a passer by!!!!
Get in there and tie them to a chair!!!

cuppycakey · 07/04/2019 15:39

I think it's fine as a consequence for children that age.

However, have you ever tried Carpet Power? I think Co Op sell it or you can buy online. It's AMAZING. Gets rid of anything

VerbenaGirl · 07/04/2019 15:40

I'd do it. It's important for them to learn that actions have real consequences and that if money is needed to hire a carpet cleaner, that money isn't then available for a day out.

strathmore · 07/04/2019 15:42

I’m going to stop responding to you now as you come across as someone being contrary for the sake of it rather than offering any actually helpful opinion.

You posted on AIBU! That isn't how it works! You ask for opinions and you get them.

gerbilgirl · 07/04/2019 15:44

Our kids are the same ages almost and we frequently let them play unsupervised in the house, we check in with them and they pop and see us but we aren't constantly over their shoulders!!!

With regard to the punishment I completely agree with them not having the day out. Also have just asked the kids what they think and they agree it is a good punishment 🤣 Not sure they would if they were on the recieving end though!!!

Catanddogmake6 · 07/04/2019 15:46

If money is not a particular consideration I would consider buying a Vax or equivalent. Doubt it will be the last accident/ incident given their ages and usually ends up cheaper than repeatedly renting a carpet cleaner. Also whatever you do, don’t let them get hold of the sudocreme - apparently it is overwhelmingly tempting to make yourself look like a geisha. That does not come out of carpets.

QuiteFrugal2019 · 07/04/2019 15:50

Absolutely-perfect consequence not to go out for the day.
Mine would get a stern talking to the riot act as well.

StBernard · 07/04/2019 15:52

Seems an absolutely reasonable natural consequence to me. Especially if, as you say, they will still get a holiday day but not the desired treat. Is there a job you could give them to do each evening to earn back the trip for next week? My 4 yo is currently in charge of collecting all the water bottles and bringing me the plates after dinner as he needs to earn back the right to swimming lessons this week.

Also, I have a 4 and 6 yo who have a playroom on an entirely separate floor to the rest of the house, do people really think they need constant supervision to behave at this age?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2019 15:52

Theres a difference between leaving them for a few minutes and leaving them long enough in a house where they can access food, take it out of the kitchen into bedrooms and then make a mess. It could have had much more serious consequences than just a stain on the carpet if they have access to cupboards etc.

BasilBrushes · 07/04/2019 15:53

@basil
Good God Woman!!! They could be burning the house down, dismembering each other, they could be out in the street carjacking a passer by!!!!
Get in there and tie them to a chair!

As long as they carjack a really decent car. I mean you have to have standards!

IHateUncleJamie · 07/04/2019 15:57

YANBU at all and you’re not ruining their holiday. Even as adults, choices have consequences and that’s how we learn.

They chose to sneak food upstairs, the simple consequence is that the trip money will have to pay for the carpet to be cleaned. Don’t overcomplicate it by letting them earn it back.

DowntonCrabby · 07/04/2019 16:24

Sounds like a fair plan OP.

Ignore PP’s banging on about supervision

Original poster

Aspergallus · 07/04/2019 17:19

IceCreamAndCandyFloss you seem to be embellishing this event in your mind to justify your mostly ridiculed suggestion about supervision. You know nothing about the layout of my house, my rules about how and when food is accessed, why the food was accessible, what the food was etc etc.

Nothing about the incident has highlighted any particular danger in my home, just that kids can create mayhem in unexpected ways sometimes. And they’ll learn from it. Which is really what my post is about. Certainly, they’ll learn more from going through these experiences and encountering the consequences than they would from me helicoptering around preventing anything untoward from ever occurring.

Catanddogmake6 yep, think you are right. Never considered this before -I always thought those things were for people with dogs, but I can see how much easier it would be to have your own to hand for spills etc.

Thanks for all the other cleaning suggestions everyone. The worry about trying to clean it without one of those machines sucking back up the dirty water is dirty water seeping into ancient floorboards under the carpet to stink forever more.

OP posts:

MakeItRain · 07/04/2019 17:33

I don't know that I'd do this. But only because you'd all be missing out on a nice day and at those ages days out are easier (for the adults) and more fun than days in. So I'd feel I would just be making things harder for me!
I think instead I'd get them as fully involved as I could in the cleaning of it. And I'd ban them from being trusted to play unsupervised in their rooms, maybe for a day, with a big discussion about why.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 07/04/2019 17:34

4 is very young.

I'd make them help, but wouldn't cancel a day out.

user234566 · 07/04/2019 17:48

I would cancel as well op. At 4 and 7 they are old enough to know that is not acceptable.

BoffinMum · 07/04/2019 18:41

I would do this, and make them help clean it up.

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