Use of 'slag'

[Susanna30]

As we were walking to the station, DH's elderly grandfather commented 'slag' and rolled his eyes as a teenage girl in a skirt walked past. I had to do a double take.
I said 'what?' but he said nothing and I didn't further question it.
I was really shocked at the time as no one in my family would say this or anything close. It's been on my mind and I feel really cross.

He is, I suppose from a different time and background. Which DH sees as an excuse, not sure I do.

I work weekends and my DH takes my young DD (4yo) to visit great-grandfather every other week. I am now worried about this.

She has come out with a few odd / derogatory things that no one should say and I had no idea how she heard it. One of the things was 'simple' when talking about a person in our family with disabilities. I had not connected that it could have been something she'd picked up from him. I'm sure she didn't get it from Cbebies.

AIBU for wanting to stop DH taking DD to see his grandfather. I feel really weird about this type of language and that someone would even think it let alone say it.

What a horrible horrible man

Awful expression, only ever a derogatory word, and if your DD gets to use such words could lead to bullying or being ostracised by others. Definitely should be challenged.

Advise on moving forward? Ask him not to use language like that in front of you or your DD would be a start! His age is no excuse to say nothing.

Its not a word from his generation and i can see why your disturbed. I agree he needs to be called out on his behaviour. It does have to be in a shouty way, you just need to say you disagree. That way your modelling your boundaries and values to your daughter.

What a vile man. And I’d be pretty fucked off with DH too for excusing his behaviour.

Nah I wouldn’t want any daughter of mine around him. What if he decides she’s wearing something ‘slaggy’, will your DH be cool with it “because he’s old and from a different time, blah blah” then? .

Jacqueline Wilson uses it in one of her books - my DD brought it home from school in year 3, when I spoke to the teacher about it she was mortified and threw the book in the bin. I'd be furious if either of my 3 children used it.

You don't say what sort of background he's from, just different, but I know several people from that sort of age group and not one of them would refer to a woman or girl in that way.

Why is old age so often used as a reason for rudeness of one sort or another? People don't hit 70 or 80 and suddenly turn into arses.

If you're worried about his influence on you child and your DH is excusing it because the man is old, so won't challenge him on it, make sure he only sees your child when you're around.

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

If I don't want our child around someone who's using disgusting, disgraceful language then absolutely I should be able to decide whether it is an appropriate relationship / environment for my child. If there is good enough reason. Which there may well be.

Oh ps. DH needs to call hm out too op.

My FIL has a habit of trying to provoke reactions by saying inappropriate things. I have made it very clear to him that he absolutely cannot do it when there are children around and if my kids pick up language that is going to get them in trouble at preschool/school then he won't see them again.

Pretending that you can't enforce a rule unless a court would find in your favour is ridiculous - the courts are there to uphold minimum standards of behaviour, not absolve parents of the responsibility for ensuring that their children aren't influenced by outdated and offensive attitudes.

If he has no signs of dementia or anything I would quite calmly but firmly say to him "DGF, we don't use that language please
Don't use it in from of the grandkids." If he refuses then don't take them there.

My own Grandfather was very sexist eventually I had a bit of a stand off with him over it and he 'harumpfed' a bit and then carried on with his day but he didn't do it again in front of me.