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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you suspected OH was going to propose and how?

40 replies

MonnieMoo · 06/04/2019 13:44

I have NC for this as I know at least 2 ppl irl are on here and I wouldn’t want to be embarrassed.

My OH and I have been together for 9 years and I’ve known I wanted to be married to him for a long time, but i also didn’t want to start dropping hints etc because if he ever asked me, I wanted it to be because he wanted to, not because he felt like he had to or I was expecting it iyswim.

There’ve been a few things he’s said or done recently which makes me suspect a proposal may in the works but I don’t want to get my hopes up in case I’m wrong. We have a night away planned for my birthday in the summer doing something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m so looking forward to it. Now that this is in my mind, i realise the birthday treat is quite a romantic setup and would be a perfect moment for a proposal... but if I’m wrong and it doesn’t happen it could be ruined and I don’t want this lovely birthday treat to be marred by my over imagination and subsequent let down.

Did you know it was going to happen when your OH proposed (assuming you didn’t propose yourself) or has anyone got any tips to shift my mind a gear and just look forward to my birthday again please?

OP posts:
Arachnidplant · 06/04/2019 13:47

I had a hunch after he left a receipt from a jeweller's on our bedroom floor. He is rubbish at keeping secrets...

UserFriendly14 · 06/04/2019 14:28

BF of 7 years asked for my ring size, 2 weeks before a trip to Paris Hmm

OP just try to enjoy the birthday trip for what it is and know what he's been very kind in his choice of birthday gift to you.

Original poster
MonnieMoo · 06/04/2019 14:55

Oh so not too subtle in either case then lol!

@Userfriendly14 I know I should, and I am grateful for such a lovely gift in the first place. I wish I could just shake it off so I don’t end up getting carried away!

OP posts:
Seren85 · 06/04/2019 14:59

I only realised in hindsight. We had always discussed marriage but he organised a big birthday night out and in the morning of it we were talking about family. I said I hoped a certain family members would be able to see me get married and he went all quiet and fidgety and changed the subject. He proposed that night.

PeachyPrincess · 06/04/2019 15:18

We bought the ring together so I knew it was coming. We were then going on a fancy holiday so it was easy to guess

EEELA · 06/04/2019 16:04

I was visiting my mum with a friend and went to find my grandma's ring to show friend. Couldn't find it and panicked. Went crying to my mum and she admitted DP had asked for it over a month ago as he planned to propose (I've always wanted to wear her ring). Took him another 3 1/2 months to actually do it...! We'd talked about marriage for a while so it wasn't so much a surprise that he was thinking about it, but from the second I knew he had the ring every meal, every day trip, every time he made me a bloody meal I thought he was going to ask. We took 3 scheduled trips during that time... and he asked me on the third (on the edge of a lake while all sweaty and gross). Was lovely tbf.

Shoxfordian · 06/04/2019 16:20

Talk to him about getting married and decide together to do it like adults

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 06/04/2019 16:22

Talk to him about getting married and decide together to do it like adults

How grimly clinical.

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 06/04/2019 16:24

We were on holiday. I found the ring in his bag when I was looking for something.

Shoxfordian · 06/04/2019 16:25

Yep, that's me
Rather be grimly cynical than not expressing my thoughts to my partner. Honestly op, its been almost a decade, if you want to get married then talk about it! Or propose to him

LostInShoebiz · 06/04/2019 16:25

Grimly clinical? To be have like rational adults in a relationship based on love and equality.

What’s the point of a proposal if you’ve already discussed things and bought a ring together?

LostInShoebiz · 06/04/2019 16:25

*behave

strathmore · 06/04/2019 16:27

9 years- just ask him.

Do you have children? If so and he knows that you want to get married then he probably doesn't- sorry.

Merryoldgoat · 06/04/2019 16:34

I’m with Shox.

I think it a bit weird to not know it’s coming - such a big decision... seems strange not to discuss it first.

During first weeks of dating:

(Now) DH: Do you want children?
Me: Yes, but not until I’m married
NDH: I’m not desperate to get married but happy to when the time is right.

We both decided when the time was right together.

aposterhasnoname · 06/04/2019 16:37

He asked me what sort of ring I’d want, if I was to engaged, purely hypothetically of course Grin

FlippinNora1 · 06/04/2019 16:45

My oh booked a trip for us to Paris and became weirdly nervous and on edge. I thought he was either going to propose, or he was planning a bank heist or drugs smuggling operation Grin

elQuintoConyo · 06/04/2019 17:00

On holiday we passed antique shop and were idly beaking in the window, saw a lovely ring. Bought it together. Went back to the hotel for shower sex, bed sex and balcony sex, DH proposed while I was on top!

If I'd waited for DH to propose off his own bat I'd still be waiting (been married 10 years). But we had discussed children and wanting to be married first, so we knew we were on the same page.

DSil proposed to her partner last year, in front of about 20 close friends over a dinner. Her partner said no (they have a 7yo together). Twas most embarrassing!

Original poster
MonnieMoo · 06/04/2019 17:12

We’ve talked about it in the past and agreed we both wanted to but the time had to be right and frankly we had other priorities. We’ve been together 9 years but only lived together for the last 3. I had 3 children I was raising alone, a job, college and he was building up his own business.

We now run that together, and in the last two years have bought our forever home and had a baby. All of the more ‘limited time’ things we had to do are done, and we did them together. It feels like the right time and I keep getting the impression he feels the same.

Maybe it’s juvenile of me and it’s not very like me in other areas of my life, but ive always hoped for a surprise proposal from the man I love. Being asked, from the heart has always been an important detail for me. I get that not everyone feels that way, it’s just how I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonnieMoo · 06/04/2019 17:17

I’m enjoying everyone’s stories, thank you for sharing!

OP posts:
StarlaP · 06/04/2019 20:12

I’m still waiting so I can’t say. I would say as a PP mentioned, just enjoy the birthday gift you’re looking forward to so much. If it happens it happens, and if not maybe then bring it up and talk about it x

Breathingfire · 06/04/2019 20:46

We'd been together 6 years. I can read him like a book. I went away for a hen do and he took our daughter shopping, usually if he was looking after her he'd go to his mums, there's no way he'd want to take her to the shops. This was in June. In Oct he took her to the shops again when I was doing something and I guessed then he was ring shopping but said nothing.

In the November he said he was excited to buy my christmas present. Hes really not the "excited" type about anything. It was written all over his face. At the end of November I said I was going christmas shopping, he said he'd come which again was very out of the ordinary. He asked if we could have a walk first where he popped the question and then we went ring shopping.

Poor guy had tried so hard to find a ring but he knew I wouldn't want a solitaire diamond and struggled to find something. I'm so glad he let me choose.

Good luck to you

mindutopia · 06/04/2019 20:49

Yes, I knew he would (because we discussed it and bought the ring together and I knew when he picked it up from the jewellers). He made a big deal of us going on a long walk at the weekend and forced me to stay out of the house the afternoon before because he was ‘busy doing something’ but wouldn’t tell me what. I had a dodgy tummy from something and got stranded in the office toilets with diarrhoea and wouldn’t let me come home until he finished! Blush

So I thought he was up to something but then he told me he had a half day seminar to go to after our walk the next morning so had to be back by a certain time. I was really pissed that he might be planning to propose, but then was just going to bugger off for the rest of the day!! But turns out the seminar was just a ruse for the fact we had to be back to pick up a hire car as we were going away for the night. So I kinda knew but wasn’t sure and was a bit annoyed he hadn’t planned it well. (Actually he got it just right and we had an amazing weekend.)

hopeishere · 06/04/2019 20:54

I asked him on a leap day. He said no but later that day said yes.

I also went ring shopping on my own!! Although eventually he came too and then negotiated the price!! We had to look at loads and then I got the first one I'd liked. But with bigger diamonds!!!!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 06/04/2019 20:54

We pretended we were married one night out to stop this weird drunk guy from pestering me, and then he said "we can get married if you like". We had only been together a couple of months and were as drunk as trousers so I didn't set any store by it. So when he actually proposed, a couple of days later in public, I was astonished. I genuinely didn't expect it. I could see us being together forever, even then, so I agreed, and we had 20 wonderful years together. But there were no real clues other than that one drunken comment. I've since found out that in preparation he went and had a HIV test and told his ex wife that he was going to remarry, but I knew nothing of that at the time. Last of the romantics eh?

Original poster
MonnieMoo · 06/04/2019 21:14

@Breathingfire That’s lovely!

Ok, well I haven’t found any rings or anything like PPs, but this stuff is what makes me suspect.

About a year ago he asked me (again) what kind of jewellery I like, and asked why I don’t wear rings. I wear earrings almost always, I like a necklace but I’m fussy about them, (must be simple, silver preferably) and non expensive because I have a talent for losing stuff. Rings and bracelets I like but I don’t buy myself because I don’t have the money really. He asked if I could wear a bracelet or a ring what sort it would be but then stopped himself and said it didn’t matter, he could guess what I’d like. I didn’t think much of it at the time but since then, I’ve been told now and again things like he can’t imagine his life without me and wants to spend forever with me, asking if I’m happy and do I feel loved enough and in love enough to want to spend forever with him.

He’s saving for something but won’t tell me what it is, when I asked he said he’s not saying but he has ‘a plan’

He’s keeps telling me what a wonderful woman I am, that he’s lucky to have me and that we’re a great team.

He’s booked a night for us in the Brecon Beacons stargazing and doing astrophotography for my birthday. It’s geeky as fuck I know, but it’s something I’ve wanted to do for years.

When I asked recently what he was saving for he said he wasn’t ready to say, said that I should trust him and that he had ‘a plan’

Right after that he started talking about the birthday treat and clarifying details. All of this stuff when I think about it sounds like he’s going to propose but it’s been spread out over like a year, it was the talking about having a plan then leaping straight to talking about my birthday that made me put it together.

I really think this is it but I’ll be so gutted if I’ve got it all wrong lol

OP posts: