(Possible trigger warning) To think he should share the contents of this letter

[Theironingpilewontstop]

I’ve name changed as it’s quite specific and all a bit painful. I’m genuinely interested in if I ABU though.

Last year my beautiful friend got up one morning, took her children to school, went to Tesco and did the food shop for the week and then came home and hung herself.

It came as a complete shock to everyone. She’d never mentioned being depressed, anxious, sad or any other mental health problems. Had never seen the GP about anything like this. Had no problems in her marriage that she had ever mentioned to me or other friends. Everyone was left just reeling from it.

She left a letter for her husband. 3 pages long. I got to the house not long after it happened whilst the police were there and they told me about the letter.

Her husband has since completely shut down. He won’t discuss or talk about her at all. He has never said what is in the letter or any explanation which she gave for doing what she did.

I know I have no right to know what is in a personal letter to him. I do know that. But there is a part of me which wishes he could give us some idea of the contents to help me process what the hell happened to her.

Reading this back I probably am BU, but he isn’t the only person who is hurting and this could go someway to helping give some kind of explanation.

AIBU?

Theironingpilewontstop l'm so sorry that you lost your friend in this way.
However - people who take their own lives aren't thinking rationally. The 'letter' she left may have been lucid, it may not. lt may have been very personal stuff relating to her marriage, children, circumstances, or it may have been rambling and incoherent.
l totally appreciate that you're searching for answers, but unfortunately, l don't think you'll ever know the reasons why she did it. She must have been very unhappy and desperate, poor soul.

My mother took her own life at the age of 83, six years ago, three weeks before Christmas. She didn't leave a suicide note.
She saw a doctor a week before it happened, and he told me she was "a bit depressed." People who take their own lives don't usually tell others they're going to do it, mainly because if they're absolutely determined, they don't want to be stopped.
l don't live in my home town, where my mother lived, but l do have extended family still living there. Because of this, the coroner was very kind and understanding, he agreed to hold the inquest in private, to negate the risk of there being a local newspaper journalist being in court, and therefore the possibility of the inquest hearing result getting into the local paper. My cousin had wanted to attend the inquest, but she agreed that she'd rather keep it private, as far as possible. My mother was very much the kind of person who fixated on "what other people think" and we knew that she would have been mortified if the details had got into the local rag. l know someone who this actually happened to, and it devastated the family even more, they felt like their loss was being raked over in public.

You may find that this is the case with your friend's family - they'll be struggling with "what if's" and "why's" - l'm still doing it, over six years on. Unfortunately life doesn't always give us answers.
Speaking purely from my own personal experience, l think all you can do is let your grief take it's course as you would with any other sudden unexpected loss. lt's very hard, it's brutal and you'll never forget it. But remember your friend with love - she was your friend and her children have lost their mother. lf they need you at any time in the future, be there for them, but on their terms. The same with her husband and other family. Let your loved ones support you.

l hope you're ok. Thinking of you x

I resent the accusation I’m “going Mrs Marple”

We had been friends for 20 years. When he found her he called the police/ambulance and then called me. I got there 20 mins after they arrived. He was screaming and crying and the police at the time had the letter in their possession. He kept asking for it and asking for it and told me she hadn’t left any others for the children or her parents or anyone else. The police gave him the letter back the next day.

I can’t make it more clear that I DO NOT expect to read his letter. But even just him saying “she was anxious about this” or “she said she’d been depressed for x amount of time” or even just she couldn’t cope with life anymore. Something small so I can know how she was feeling towards the end.

I’m not going Mrs Marple at all