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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take my daughters phone off her at bedtime

52 replies

wrcm · 06/04/2019 01:01

My daughter throws a hissy fit because i take her phone off her at bedtime. She's 12 and goes to bed about 10 during the week for school and i usually take her phone off her about 30 mins to an hour before that so she can have downtime. She moans all the time at me that her friends are allowed to stay up later and have their phones all night. At the weekend i let her stay up til about midnight but again i take her phone off her and she takes a major strop and sometimes cries. Does anyone else experience this?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/04/2019 08:07

I agree with Jacks.
No tech overnight.

ooooohbetty · 06/04/2019 08:08

The 'everyone else is allowed to' never washed with me. I didn't really care what other children were allowed to do.

Sparklingbrook · 06/04/2019 08:13

I never did this but my DC were very good at self regulating. Their bedrooms were full of gadgets.

But I think you need to do whatever is necessary if you think they will be up all night on their phones.

exLtEveDallas · 06/04/2019 08:16

Hmm. I relaxed this rule when DD turned 13. On Fridays and Saturdays I don't take the phone off her. She tends to go up to bed at about 9:30 and I'd say spends 30-60 mins on her phone before sleeping. I go up between 10-11:00 every night and she has always (in over a year) been asleep when I pop my head in.

I think as a general rule kids should have their phones taken off them, but some are able to self regulate and be sensible about sleeping. Only OP knows how sensible their child is.

trebless · 06/04/2019 08:16

I agree with you op and that's what I'll be doing when mine get to that age.

I also have a 13 dsd and my dh doesn't take her phone off her but I think he should. Sometimes you can see when she was last on what's app and it's shocking....1am on a weekend! Then she's tired and unbelievably miserable the next day and it causes arguments. She is never here on a school night as she lives too far away but I know her mum has a strict bedtime routine with her which dsd doesn't like but it's for her own good.

Technology and social media really does cause nothing but stress doesn't it?

PunkRockHippy · 06/04/2019 08:16

As an adult I sometimes wish someone would take my phone off me an hour before bedtime! Self-regulation with these things is a challenging skill, we all know that they are detrimental to quality sleep which is so vital for good health and mental wellbeing.

You’re her parent and you’re parenting her responsibly for her own wellbeing, tbh the fact that she tantrums about it shows she’s not yet ready to self-regulate.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 06/04/2019 08:25

Stay firm. It is not ok for them to take phones to the bedrooms when they are meant to be asleep.
Devices are handed in every night here. They are considered a treat in exchange for good behaviour for youngest two (10 and 6). Eldest is 15 and can have his phone all day but understands why he can’t have the distraction of a phone by the bed.

AnnaSteen · 06/04/2019 08:29

When my little brother was 17-18 he was doing his leaving cert (Irish A-Levels). He had spent the whole precious summer on his x-box. 1st September my Mam unplugged it and put it away. He was absolutely raging and angry at her saying he was nearly 18 etc. she held firm and he gave up by October. He got it back the following June. You’re there to parent not to be a friend. He got great results in his exams and it broke his addition to gaming - he hardly ever plays now.

HappydaysArehere · 06/04/2019 08:32

Take the phone away and hand him a book but make sure it’s an enjoyable one.

Sparklingbrook · 06/04/2019 08:49

Is it ok for DC to be up all night reading?

OKBobble · 06/04/2019 08:55

Even my 17 year old leaves his phone downstairs to charge at night because we have always had the no electronics in the bedroom rule.

Never believe the all my friends do it crap! They really don't!

Juanbablo · 06/04/2019 08:58

Ds1 is 11 and his phone shuts down an hour before bedtime. Dd (9) has the same on her iPad. Dh is able to do this from his phone. The DC's just accept it because they know it won't change.

hen10 · 06/04/2019 09:01

YANBU and hissy fit = not getting it back the next day in henland.

FoxSake · 06/04/2019 09:01

YANBU i’m battling with 14yo DD over this at the moment, I wish i’d been tougher before now. She’s going to get a shock at the start of the new term. I take younger ds’s phone and I can’t believe how many messages he gets from friends after midnight, 3am the other night.

Frangipaniflower · 06/04/2019 09:02

My children have gone to university now but while they were still at school I asked them to leave their phones on charge outside their rooms (on a schoòl night). Even when I'm on my phone I'm shocked that a whole hour has gone by without realising; the temptation is too hard to resist. We laugh about it now but they both agree I was right to do it although they were annoyed at the time.

Canshopwillshop · 06/04/2019 09:03

I have a 14 year old DD and 12 year old DS and I take phones from both at bedtime.

Gatehouse77 · 06/04/2019 09:06

At 12 mine were upstairs without a phone from 8:30pm.

They did comment on what other friends were allowed.
My response "I'm not their parent, I'm yours. We do what we think is best for you, they do what they think is best for their child. The rule stays."

There was no difference for weekends either as they had them all day as it was.

Pk37 · 06/04/2019 09:06

I used to take my ds’ off him at bedtime .
Hissy fit? Tough shit , you’re a child and I call the shots .
He was allowed it in his room at night on Friday and Saturday but 10pm it went outside his room in the week

QueenAnneBoleyn · 06/04/2019 09:24

YANBU. Persevere - every time she throws a hissy fit, ban her from it for 24 hours. She’ll soon get the message.

orangeicecream · 06/04/2019 09:24

Get a "circle" device.... Controls the Internet for every device in the house.... Individual Time limits for family members... Bed times... Restricted content... I love it!
I'm sure there will be other brands of this type of device.

orangeicecream · 06/04/2019 09:26

Also, for reference, my DD is 11 and and DS is 12.....they have 2 hours of "time" per day during the school week.... Bedtime limit set at 8.30pm. They have 4 hours on weekend days with a 10pm bedtime.

AIBUtopickanyoldname · 06/04/2019 09:29

We don’t allow the phone to go upstairs to bed with her. She had an issue with a girl at school texting her and harassing her at all times of the night - sometimes even 2am. So we made the rule that the phone stays downstairs. We check it too. She gets privacy over her phone when she pays for it herself.

Grumpasaurous · 06/04/2019 09:35

DS has an iPad which he does take up to bed. But the only thing enabled at bed time is the meditation app thing that sends him off to sleep within minutes.

iPad is then retrieved til the next day.

Coulddowithanap · 06/04/2019 10:02

DD12 isn't allowed her phone after 7pm unless she is using it for homework, if so it's 8pm when she has to finish using it. Bed time is around 8.30-9.30pm. luckily she doesn't have a problem with this. I have noticed several of her friends sending messages as late as midnight so glad I take the phone off her.

littlebillie · 06/04/2019 10:04

Ours switch off at 8.30 as do laptops they can stay up as long as they like reading

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