Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to drink the pain away?

41 replies

ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 20:01

I’m really suffering from the loss of a complicated and inappropriate relationship that Mumsnet would not remotely approve of. The emotional pain is breathtaking but I’m having to hold it together for my young children. I rarely drink but think that alcohol would numb the pain but then I would feel even worse tomorrow. How can I get through the weekend?

OP posts:
Karmin · 05/04/2019 20:08

5 minutes at a time, then an hour, then the evening. Write everything down, burn anything that reminds you of them.

Self-care and self-love, accept that it will hurt.

Drinking into oblivion will just dull the pain for now, but not process the pain.

You can always phone the Samaritans or go on 7cupsoftea.

Stay online, share what you want

Original poster
ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 20:09

Thank you Karmin. Your kindness made me cry.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 05/04/2019 20:11

Also, if you don't drink, tomorrow, if you drown your sorrows tonight, you're going to have a holy mother of a headache - at best. And self loathing and guilt to go with it.

Got any ice cream or chocolate?

HoldMyGirl · 05/04/2019 20:12

You just need to keep distracting yourself.
I'm sort of going through the same thing, I know how you feel Flowers

Thisisthelaststraw · 05/04/2019 20:13

Everything @Karmin said and drink is a depressant so likely tomorrow make you feel even worse tomorrow.

Karmin · 05/04/2019 20:14

Yep hangovers and emotional pain are not a good combination.

Ice-cream and chocolate though can be good

Thisisthelaststraw · 05/04/2019 20:14

Well that came out arseways but you know what I meant.

oneforthepain · 05/04/2019 20:14

Don't think further ahead than the five, ten, or fifteen minute slot of time you're trying to get through.

Find the little things you can do to be kind to yourself for each little slot of time. One thing, one moment at a time.

Karmin · 05/04/2019 20:18

Mumsnet might have a reputation for a nest of vipers, but there are many members who will listen and support you, it doesn't matter if others didn't approve of the relationship it is still a loss that needs time to accept.

Original poster
ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 20:20

Thank you everyone. I just feel so stupid. I’m a grown woman and I have lost ny heart like I’m a teenager.

OP posts:
JustfiedandAncient · 05/04/2019 20:26

Please don't drink. It may lead to a slippery path of dependancy Flowers

Original poster
ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 20:31

I won’t drink. I know it will depress me and make me feel so much worse.

OP posts:
JustfiedandAncient · 05/04/2019 20:56

I'm so sorry BrewCake

jayho · 05/04/2019 20:58

if you want to talk, we're here

mbosnz · 05/04/2019 21:06

You know what? It doesn't matter if they/we would approve of it on here.

It mattered to you, and you're hurting.

nonevernotever · 05/04/2019 21:08

No wisdom to add but adding my support. Have you any horrible jobs round the house that you've been putting off? Sounds stupid but for me doing things like scrubbing the skirting boards, weeding or cleaning cupboards helps - it's something to distract my thoughts a bit and it has a positive end result.

Flaverings · 05/04/2019 21:13

I wrote a timeline of five minutes and allocated tasks like “brush teeth” and “walk around block”. Five minutes at a time.

Waveysnail · 05/04/2019 21:14

Ice cream and chocolate. Lovely walk with kids tomorrow

mbosnz · 05/04/2019 21:17

Oooh, I'm another that does mad/sad cleaning! (Good time to scrub the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge, clean out the shower trap, while muttering exactly what you're thinking at whatever you're doing. . .)

KingHenrysCodpiece · 05/04/2019 21:25

I just feel so stupid. I’m a grown woman and I have lost ny heart like I’m a teenager

Sometimes its being a grown woman that makes it harder. I find all relationships seem to matter and affect me more, and my resilience to put up with loss or abandonment is just not there, not that I've ever been good with it. That bounciness just has gone. It bloody hurts. I have no answers except try and distract your thoughrs in positive as opposed to negative ways. If that requires a bit of spending on yourself do itFlowers

VioletCharlotte · 05/04/2019 21:30

Oh bless you Thanks I've been where you are now, it's awful. Self- medicating with drink isn't the answer, but you know that. I found making plans for things to do to keep myself busy helped me to stay in control. Make yourself get up and out. And plan lots of lovely self-care things you can do in the evenings when DC are in bed (I always found these were the worst times).

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, you're just human. What's important is what you do next.

Fiveredbricks · 05/04/2019 21:31

A few minutes at a time. Then a few hours. Then a few days. (There is a sub on reddit that will help too for this sort of relationship❤️)

HappyEverIftar · 05/04/2019 21:35

Can you distract yourself by inviting a friend over to watch TV/have a chat (doesn't have to be about your relationship breakdown) being around friends always cheers me up when I'm feeling horrid. Drink, although tempting may not be the best way forward here Flowers we've all been there, it does get better, promise.

Original poster
ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 22:25

I don’t know myself anymore. I used to like myself a lot but I feel lost now. I’m in bed crying my eyes out. I’m planning on spending all morning cleaning 🧼

OP posts:
Original poster
ColdSausage · 05/04/2019 22:26

I can’t really talk to my friends about it. It was an emotional affair that has ended.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread