I have been where you are now, there is limited support and a lot of judgement in being the OW, people support the spouse who was cheated on but never consider how much it hurts on the other side as well.
It doesn't matter that it was emotional, the relationship fulfilled that psychological need for connection. I believe he was your best friend, and that makes the double loss so much harder. But, there’s a part of you that knows you deserve more, you’re stronger than you know.
Shift the focus from the other person to you. Be willing to face the truth head-on: What is it about him/her that is SO addictive that you can’t let them go? I think if you get honest with yourself, you’ll notice that person triggers certain feelings within you. You see, the fact is, it’s not the person in particular that you want. It’s the feeling.
Give yourself a chance at finding a real relationship — one based on trust, honesty and solid commitment. When you do so, it will be easy for you to see that this is by far more powerful and real. But it will take time and self-care to heal from this one first.
Of course you love him, of course you are grieving, it is the natural process and symptoms of loss. You can and will get through this.
Everything can be used for our improvement… if we’re open to learning. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain lessons. As long as you’re alive, there are lessons to be learned.
Rather than resort to feelings of blame, guilt and shame, treat this like another of life’s lessons.
Yes, it hurts.
Yes, you’re going to go through withdrawal.
Yes, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Yes, it will be difficult for a long time.
Yet, there will be dawn at the end of the dark night.
Mumsnet is here to chat anonymously, you will get through this pain