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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think posting children's reports on fb is a bit..

96 replies

Hamsterdancer · 04/04/2019 20:36

... much. I know I'm probably being u but I just feel like they are quite a private thing and I know as a child I would have hated everyone seeing them. I know parents are proud and I probably post things others would think was odd but I just think it's strange. I dont mean people who say that they had great reports I mean actually putting photos of every page on there.

OP posts:
Rspu1384 · 05/04/2019 09:39

I think posting anything including photos is quite strange tbh, if you think about it who would of been happy there were photos online of you when you were a baby for everyone to see?. I know I would of been pissed off of Facebook would of been about when I was a baby and my
Mom posted me in a nappy.
Think people over share too much.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/04/2019 09:59

I have a ridiculous over achiever: top of his year academically, top scorer in his football team, district running champion, chess champion, all round winner on a regular basis. And another stellar report this time. If I publicised his achievements I’d never be off Facebook.

We make a point of never, ever bragging about him to friends and family. I’ve frequently had people tell me how well their kid did in something and just smiled and said, “That’s great”, knowing full well DS did miles better in it. I suspect many parents of high achieving kids are the same.

Feels good to have a massive anonymous brag on mumsnet though.Grin

Sculpin · 05/04/2019 10:05

Tinkly Grin

Trekkingbeyond · 05/04/2019 10:09

Tinkly are you sure you manage not to brag about your incredibly talented offspring Hmm

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/04/2019 10:50

Seriously Trek I have nephew with SENs and a number of friend with kids who are struggling in one way or another. It would be crass to brag.

Plus amazing DC is the youngest of four and I’m old and cynical enough to know that childhood success doesn’t always translate to life success and we are all one step away from disaster. Just grateful he is a happy kid really.

LoisWilkerson1 · 05/04/2019 10:54

People post actual pictures of the report?! Why? Hmm

ShaggyRug · 05/04/2019 11:09

TinklyLittleLaugh well done to your DC and high five for containing the brag.

DD is doing amazing too with all top grade predictions. I won’t brag on FB about it no matter how tempted I get. Mostly because it’s her business not mine and secondly because I’m fully aware that doing well in Y8 doesn’t guarantee anything. As long as she’s healthy and happy that’s all I need.

hibbledibble · 05/04/2019 11:13

None of my Facebook friends do this either. I wouldn't do it certainly. The only people who I share my children's report with is their grandparents. I also believe children have a right to privacy.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/04/2019 11:13
MadamMMA · 05/04/2019 11:26

Posting the actual report! Shock my eldest is 11 now so if I wanted to post anything about her or a photo I'd check with her first and I'm pretty sure she'd think I was bananas if I wanted to do that. I have no problem with people being proud, some people need it some don't.

Hippee · 05/04/2019 11:58

I have found that the parents who do this (either in real life or on social media) almost always come a cropper later on, when their genius-level child from small primary doesn't shine at secondary/sixth-form/college. I may be biased though - I was bullied the whole way through secondary by one girl who had outshone me at primary and whose DM loved to crow about it to my DM - I am sure she hated me because her DM would be going "Why aren't you doing better than Hippee? You used to be better than her."

gamerwidow · 05/04/2019 12:02

It’s s bit cringy, the only time there is an exception is when the child has had to overcome LDs and SEN to succeed at something everyone thought they wouldn’t then I understand why you’d be extra proud and want to share it.

outpinked · 05/04/2019 12:08

Very odd and makes me glad I don’t have FB.

Passmethecrisps · 05/04/2019 12:11

I haven’t seen a photo of the actual report but I do see a fair bit of comment on parents evenings. I have one FB acquaintance who actually shared a memory from years before where she had proudly written about her son the ‘class joker and jack the lad’ ‘only happy when others are laughing’ and wrote years on about how the teachers were saying the same. It was cringe inducing as she tagged her teenage son in a post actually stating that he “wasn’t going to shine academically” but that she loved him to the moon and back. It was hideous

I am appalled at the hyperbolic statement used in not one but two reports mentioned above. That is so needlessly hurtful.

The reports our kids get have to use an extremely short number of characters, must not use their name or their pronoun. It’s pretty hard to make them super personal frankly!

myknickersknackersknockers · 05/04/2019 12:19

I’m a teacher. I think reports are private and shouldn’t be shared. I know lots of people put certificates on fb too and people might tell me they’ve seen certificates from me on fb and it feels a bit invasive.

I hate to see reports and think it’s a real invasion of privacy to children.

GreatDuckCookery · 05/04/2019 12:22

Very cringeworthy. But then do many things are on FB.

willdoitinaminute · 05/04/2019 12:41

Yippee my mum had a friend like that. Mum quietly let us get on with our education but couldn’t contain herself when a few years after my sisters and I had all graduated (two into professions and one with a PhD) when she bumped into “bragging” mum. I remember her ringing me up to tell me.
I have an all-rounder who is morphing into a lovely young man. He loves his sport and has worked hard to get into school teams. He finds the academic side very easy so sport has taught him that you need to work hard in order to achieve a goal. He could have gone down the geek route but prefers the social side of sport ( I could not be happier!).
I suspect many of the children whose parents pedestal them will find life a struggle when their inflated talent lets them down.

willdoitinaminute · 05/04/2019 12:43

Sorry *Hippee

Jakesmumandbump · 05/04/2019 12:48

A child’s school report is of no interest to anyone except immediate family. I’ve found the students who really do well are those whose families keep it very low key.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/04/2019 12:49

When I was at school we would be given percentile scores for uni applications at the end. But some courses gave you extra points to add to your score if you were disadvantaged (e.g. 10 points for a shot school, 2 points for divorced parents etc). Some parents would post these scores on their facebooks but they would always post the score plus the pity points-awkward. We would also have our names published in the paper if we got an offer at the local university/got a top grade.

Splodgetastic · 05/04/2019 12:51

It is a bit off, but then I think that most social media postings of children are a bit off as the child doesn't really have the capacity to consent to the implications of his or her personal data being all over social media. Of course I like to see nice photos of my friends' children (I don't have any myself) and fortunately most of my friends are sensible, but people need to remember that employers etc. trawl social media these days and it would be really unfortunate if something a parent had posted was held against a child. People change a lot between the early teenage years and adulthood too, so if Henry is really horrid in year 10 it shouldn't be held against him when he applies for a job as an upstanding member of society a few years down the line.

willdoitinaminute · 05/04/2019 12:52

I do have a couple of FB friends who make it their life’s work to “promote” their children. Every last award, sticker and minor achievement is documented. I hide their posts and when bored look at the latest for the entertainment value.
I do feel that it is detrimental for the children and the one friend has moved her children a couple of times due to “bulling”. I think that the bulling is partly due to the incessant boasting but mostly due to her child’s very inflated opinion of themselves. Mother was an underachiever and she is determined that her child will “shine”.
I hope that the children rebell. Looking forward to the FB post when it happens!

NanooCov · 05/04/2019 13:13

My eldest starts school this September. I'm fully expecting some of my NCT crowd to do this with their little darlings (there's already one over sharer that makes me cringe constantly). It's tactless too - my son happens to have additional needs and although I revel in each one of his achievements, I'm expecting him to be a challenging pupil.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/04/2019 13:14

I do think that the Facebook over sharers tend to be those who don’t have much of a real life support network. In the absence of close friends / family to share their challenges and triumphs, they look to social media for approval.
Also, when our children have achieved something, especially if they have overcome adversity to do so, it’s nice to share that with the wider world. We just need to balance that with the young person’s need for privacy.

Amongstthewildthings · 05/04/2019 13:54

I do think that the Facebook over sharers tend to be those who don’t have much of a real life support network

This!

I share my news for real life or WhatsApp groups.