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Original poster

To ask how to get rid of this guy?

45 replies

weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 05:49

Basically there was a guy who I worked with for about 8 months, he was slightly newer than me although a lot older and was going through some of the same issues I was when he joined. I seemed to be one of few people he felt comfortable talking to and I felt sorry for him so I tried to help as best I could, give advice etc. We worked on different teams and I didn't see him that much so it wasn't a massive inconvenience and I consider myself to be a decent, empathetic person who tries to help people.

Anyway, I won't go into all the details but he had a lot of problems with doing the job and squabbling with colleagues so he left before he was forced out of the organisation.

It wasn't immediately obvious to me at first but some colleagues did warn me he probably fancied me even though he never said anything inappropriate to me.

Ever since he got my number (many colleagues have my number although I really wish I'd never given him mine as I didn't expect the constant communication) he messages me on a near-daily basis, sometimes I receive several messages per day from him. Most of the time I don't respond, not just because I find the level of contact inappropriate for someone who was an ex-colleague, someone I wouldn't even call a friend, but because I'm busy also working long hours and living my own life, dealing with my own problems.

Again, he hasn't said anything inappropriate or ever commented on my appearance but the level of contact itself feels like he wants something more and I find it odd that when I don't reply he just basically has a one-way conversation with himself on the chat facility he messages me on, just posting random inane stuff I don't care about.

Because he is currently unemployed and has talked about having depression I feel bad blocking him but I honestly don't know how much more I can put up with this. I avoid speaking to my friends on this app now because whenever he sees I'm online he sees that as an invitation to bombard me with messages. It's a weird feeling but I almost feel really oppressed by his demands for my time and attention.

Any advice please? I've tried to be subtle but gently firm before saying I'm busy or posting minimal word replies but then a few days later it all starts again.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/04/2019 05:52

Block him, you don't owe him anything
Doesn't seem like you like him

slipperywhensparticus · 04/04/2019 05:52

Block him he sounds draining

Bookworm4 · 04/04/2019 05:53

Block and delete him, you've no obligation to him.

sackrifice · 04/04/2019 05:54

The reason he talked about depression is so that you would feel bad about blocking him.

Block him. If he has depression he needs to go see his GP.

Original poster
weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 05:55

Well, I didn't mind him originally and felt we had some common ground as he had similar negative experiences at this workplace and he seemed like a normal enough guy with some interesting things to say.

However, now my opinion has changed completely and even if he only messaged me 3 months that would be too much as I've been totally put off by his neediness and intrusion of my time. I just want him out of my life for good but don't know how to do this without either devastating him or receiving some kind of backlash.

OP posts:
BorsetshireBlew · 04/04/2019 05:58

Just block. This type of behaviour is unacceptable and you don't owe him anything. You'll be so relieved.

Original poster
weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 05:59

If I were to block him, should I say why before I do or say nothing? I want to end things in a decent way rather than ghost someone but maybe an explanation might make it worse and maybe I don't owe him one anyway? It's not like we were good friends or dating, he's just a former colleague.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2019 06:02

Say nothing, just push the buttons and relax!

aurynne · 04/04/2019 06:05

You don't owe this guys neither a conversation nor an explanation for not wanting him in your life. Block and ignore.

BorsetshireBlew · 04/04/2019 06:08

Say nothing just do it.

GertrudeCB · 04/04/2019 06:12

Block.

SquatBetty · 04/04/2019 06:13

I can only reiterate what everyone else is saying - just block and then put him out of your mind. You owe him NOTHING.

TheFatberg · 04/04/2019 06:19

Everyone has given great advice but I just wanted to say I hate how men do this - push the boundaries of what's acceptable because they know women are socialised to be nice and polite. Give him no more thought and block.

0nTheEdge · 04/04/2019 06:31

I wouldn't explain either, imagine having a conversation with someone who likely has a very thick skin about why you're blocking them? Don't put yourself through it. It's fine to feel sorry for the guy, you sound like a nice person so it will be tough, but you don't owe him anything. You'll feel like a weight has been lifted after you've blocked.

FairyAnn · 04/04/2019 06:41

Speaking from experience, I tried messaging back to say 'please don't message me anymore,' thinking that was the decent thing to do, as you do.

Unfortunately I just ended up with a stalker as a result. If he's a decent guy, he won't take offence at being blocked. It might make him realise he was overstepping the mark.

If he's not a decent guy, then no matter what you say to him, he will continue with his behaviour.

Blocking him might seem mean, but believe me it's the better option in this situation

ScreamScreamIceCream · 04/04/2019 06:43

Block him.

You had a work relationship he no longer works with you therefore why do you need to keep in touch?

Illberidingshotgun · 04/04/2019 06:43

So inappropriate to constantly message someone that he briefly worked with. You are under no obligation to him, so block him. I hope he doesn't know where you live?

Original poster
weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 06:56

Thanks all, it's reassuring to see the general consensus is to block him and that I'm not being unnecessarily harsh.

No, he doesn't know where I live, he knows which area but not my address.

I should have blocked him ages ago but as someone else pointed out, sometimes us women are socialised to be nice and polite, putting others before ourselves. I wish I could be a stronger woman but hopefully that may come with age.

When I've tried to cut the conversation off in the past he has then brought up stuff like 'Did I tell you about my operation?' as to elicit pity. I feel dumb for being manipulated when I just tried to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 07:00

I think maybe he hasn't been dumb enough to say anything inappropriate because then I would have a concrete reason to block him, that's my theory anyway.

He did send me a few riddles though, you know the ones where the clues are suggestive like 'What is hard etc.' then the answers are innocent, which gave me the creeps.

OP posts:
HelicopteringBastard · 04/04/2019 07:03

Omg i have the exact same thing, even down to mentioning illness in an attempt to illicit sympathy. Everyone advised to just block, ehich i did because he had been messaging for a year, 5mo of that without any reply from me! They just DONT go away. And yes, it is oppressive, i came off SM because his 'helicoptering' as its known was just, yeah, oppressive! I think thats the game - subtle, constant pressure to punish you for not being interested. No threats or violence, nothing that might get them into trouble, nothing you can react to, 'just being nice' .....Angry

toomuchfaster · 04/04/2019 07:03

Have you done it?

Original poster
weightonmyshoulders · 04/04/2019 07:10

@HelicopteringBastard, I didn't know there was a name for that, wow, guess there are more stalker-ish type people out there than I thought that a term has been created for this!

Yes, your situation sounds eerily similar, particularly him not saying anything that would give you a reason to immediately block him but making you uncomfortable with the sheer volume of messages he sent. It's way more manipulative than some guy being sleazy and saying he fancies you because they're messaging you under false pretenses.

When you blocked this guy did he call you from a different number or anything like that?

OP posts:
PillowTalker · 04/04/2019 07:13

*To ask how to get rid of this guy?×

Do you really need to ask this?

Ruru8thestars · 04/04/2019 07:16

Just block him. Why bother about his motivation

nosleepforme · 04/04/2019 07:18

I've been in a position where I was ignoring messages without blocking, cos I just felt I couldn't block. Then I just did it one day. Best feeling. It's done, it's finished and it's not constantly coming up. Do I, no reason given.
The only other thing is to text back "hi dude, dunno who you are, I got a new number. The person you're trying to reach is not at this number anymore. You need to remove this number from your contacts." But that may just invite more trouble.

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