Possible CF cleaner

[Cloudyyy]

My husband wants us to find a new cleaner but I’m not sure.... is she being a CF or should we give her a few more chances?

She does do a fair job of cleaning the house when she’s here, although we pay her hourly and she takes more and more time to
complete the same work it seems.

She sometimes turns up with her two children in tow saying she has no childcare and puts them watching TV on our sofa. Once I caught them sat on our bed watching TV whilst she cleaned upstairs. My husband doesn’t like them eating snacks particularly on our bed but I feel bad for them stuck there so don’t say anything.

She’s gone on holiday a fair few times with no notice at all, including just ba fore Christmas when I really wanted the house clean for guests arriving.

If I’m breastfeeding my baby discreetly, she occasionally walks up to me and put her hand on baby’s head saying “how lovely” but it makes me feel uncomfortable to be honest. She has once walked into the bedroom whilst I was changing (and I’d told her clearly I was changing and would only be a moment). She proceeded to come in anyway and start cleaning.

It would obviously be better if we were always out of her house when she comes, but she changes her arrival time every week and is often very late (several hours). This evening she was here so late that I couldn’t put the children to bed on time.

She sometimes cries to me about money issues without me asking her about it, I always comfort her and offer her a cup of tea but I really don’t know what to say.

I would feel awful sacking her to be honest but AIBU to sack her?

She sounds like my ex cleaner. Was so good once I'd fired her!

Oh dear god, she's WAY over the line!! She was so late that you couldn't put your kids to bed?? That would have been the final straw for me. As soon as it becomes an inconvenience to you & makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home...NO!

It sounds like she is in hardship and there is absolutely no harm in helping others imho. If she is a good person, sod professionalism and do the kind thing. Yes she isn't spot on because she is human. It's not a brilliant job, cleaning.
Of course you can be friends with your cleaner. My Mum taught me this young, and our cleaner was a nice person and we all remained in contact.
This isn't the nineteenth bloody century !

She sounds very unprofessional. I'm a self employed cleaner. I turn up at the same time and day each week to my clients. If I need to swap about I give notice. I never go in bedrooms if the client is in there and I'd never cry on a clients shoulder.

I'm fairly friendly with a lot of then and we have and natter buy I'd never mess them about or complain how skint I was (if I was) have a word or get rid

@showme she should always be professional, just because it isn't a 'brilliant job' doesn't mean you can take the piss out of clients. People have cleaners to help them not hinder them. The op owes this cleaner nothing.

Sorry but she has to go OP. She is working for you, not vice versa.
You have let her get away with far too much and she is now taking advantage of your good nature.

Honestly? I think I would leave hiring and firing to your husband because you are far too soft.

Her behaviour is totally unacceptable. It's nothing to do with being friendly or not. My mum used to have coffee with ours every day and she was allowed to bring her dd in the holidays to play with me (shame we hated each other!). But she was very good and very trustworthy. There's the difference.

Yours is useless and overstepping every boundary. She has to go.

Eating snacks on your bed... that is just so wrong . Sorry I'm with your husband on this,

Ah I didn’t mean to make her sound rude But she is!

She absolutely has the measure of you and is totally taking the piss

If you feel bad then why not try and actually manage her and if she doesn’t change then let her go

So lay down some rules- set day and time of arrival, set length of time she cleans for and what she achieves, set pay and no bringing kids.
If she can’t accept that then you say that’s fine but you will find someone else who can.
Flexibility isn’t possible for you.

Also just check with local rates that you are paying fairly and if you are then don’t be guilted or tricked into paying more.

Honestly OP I’m sure she’s really lovely but she is taking the piss a fair bit and at the end of the day you need a reliable regular cleaner and that is what you pay for.

Set some rules. A set time and day

Bringing dc she maybe thought better to come and bring them let you down - tho would have been better to sit on sofa and watch tv

Wonder what she does for childcare normally

Assume foreign if English is poor

Seems she needs a few boundaries - if you are in the bedroom
She stays out - feeding your baby she doesn’t intrude

Thanks everyone, I think I’ll try having a word first and giving it one last go then before sacking her just yet. I actually thought she wasn’t going to turn up at all today after a series of confusing messages but when I returned home with my children this evening she was here! Halfway through her clean and it was so awkward trying to make their tea around her and her children! I didn’t manage to bathe mine until they’d left and it just made us late. I think I just feel bad for her to be honest, plus I’m really not very confrontational!! Thank you all 😁👍

She’s there to do a professional job and she isn’t doing it. I would find another cleaner. Repeatedly giving no notice / turning up hours late shows that she is giving you less care and consideration than you are giving her. You sound nice; she sounds like she is taking the utter piss.

Also: YOU stipulate the hours of someone entering your home to do a job. By all means be flexible, but why are you putting yourself to such inconvenience around bedtime and meal times? Tell her those times are unacceptable times to clean. Give her hours she can come between and if she doesn’t come then then she won’t be able to clean and get paid. She’s meant to be helping you out and removing stress from your life, not adding to it!

@Cloudyyy I wouldn't call her a CF. She is a struggling mother and it is impacting her job at your house.
You have a cleaner to make your life easier, it is obviously not working very well, so I think you can give her a last chance, and stating what is required and what is not acceptable.

just tell her, we need to talk because this is not working.

Could you draw up a contract? As in start/finish at these times? Rules such as no entering xyz. Things you would like/expect done in a typical cleaning time. Also give a notice period if she won't be in as in not 5minutes before not showing up. (Unless children related or health etc)

Means you have it in writing and if you don't feel like saying it, then it's on paper. I know you said her English isn't great but some small rules and possibly husband could go through them with her.

Yes I agree with some pp that she could be on hard times but you'll find more things will escalate if you keep things informal. Never bite the hand that feeds you and all that.

Either sack her because she isn’t doong what’s been ask or sit down with her and explain that she needs to be there at a set time, she can’t bring the children and she needs to give notice if she wants to go on holiday. If it helps I had to let a cleaner go who was very dependent on the wages because she would describe in vivid detail the awful time she way having with one of her children who was a drug addict and repeatedly overdosing and associated behaviour. My small children were there and it was totally inappropriate (and awful). People only get cleaners if they’re struggling, so if it’s more work you can’t justify keeping her.

The overwhelming majority are saying sack her OP. Don't give her any extra chance because you know what will happen don't you? Floods of tears and apologies then everything will be great for say, two weeks. Then she'll go straight back to how she is now!

Try clean your own house OP

Presumably OP has decided she’d rather care for her children and feed her baby and cleaning is fairly easily outsourced.

She sounds just like my previous cleaner! I got fed up in the end and changed to someone else. She used to bring her teenage daughter all the time,and sometimes her mil?! and one time I caught the daughter nosing through my phone that I’d left on the side!! I never knew if or when she would end up coming so I just felt like it was more stress and hassle than it was worth. Do you know of any other slightly more reliable cleaners OP, it would probably be worth changing if you can

Text something along the lines of..,
Hi, tonight wasn't good for us so we need to look at our arrangement. I need you to do x hours on xday between x and x. You won't be able to bring your children anymore. See you next week.
If she starts excuses then let her go, or if she agrees the says she's late tell her not to bother.

This is your house & your home.
You employ a cleaner to make your life easier.
You offer work.
You pay the going rate promptly.
This should be straight forward.

But this is not the case with this cleaner.
She is messing with you - unreliable, oversharing, inappropriately touching you & guilt tripping/gaslighting your possible objections to her actions on the basis of her poor language skills & poverty. I assume you are paying living, or at least minimum, wage.

Something needs to change otherwise all of this is working against you
AND causing you stress & unhappiness.

Your husband sacks her.
Change the locks.
Employs professional cleaners on a clearly written contract.

Definitely CF.

If you feel bad about it OP, the n just tell her you don't need a cleaner any more, rather than "your clearly taking the piss and your kids' toast crumbs are ruining my sleeping pattern"

Get rid of her. She sounds shit