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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a little unsettled by friends behaviour

30 replies

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 10:35

Morning ! This is my first post. I am a bit stuck on a simple issue that I can’t figure out so would appreciate your opinions please . My male friend and I have been friends for years . He has a pgirlfriemd if a few months . He seems happy .however he has started a new habit over the last few months which I wonder is a bit strange . He obviously doesn’t contact me when he is with her but when she leaves his home , even if it is 7 o clock in the morning or 12 at night, he starts sending me the most mundane stuff eg funny’s, memes, jokes etc. We work together now and again and he will message me every single day after work . Again , nothing sinister or untoward but it will be him, probably out of habit who starts the conversations between us. I don’t initiate and I don’t always respond as I’m busy in the evenings. Aibu to think this is bizarre . Or am I overthinking this ? Thanks

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 10:40

Have you recently posted about this already? Someone posted something. Identical the other day.

FactsOfLife · 03/04/2019 10:42

Your overthinking it.

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 10:47

No I haven’t but I’ve been following threads about friendships and inappropriate contact between couples and friends and I guess that did spur me in to post this, as I was going along with the ‘ habit’ until I thought it might not be appropriate or even bizarre. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 10:48

Thank you. I did wonder if I overthought it . It’s a habit I suppose so I just went along with it like normal

OP posts:

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/04/2019 10:52

You're overthinking it.

covetingthepreciousthings · 03/04/2019 10:56

How do you know it's when she's left his house if it's at really random times like midnight? Or does he tell you?

I think you're overthinking it though tbh.

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 11:00

It’s a relief to hear you say I’m overthinking it as I did not want to ease off on the friendship , which is what the overwhelming advice for similar posts seems to be. He tells me that she leaves at these specific times

OP posts:

downcasteyes · 03/04/2019 11:08

No, it's not bizarre. It's an early relationship and he probably doesn't want her asking why he's constantly texting another woman. It is the sort of thing that's liable to make a new partner feel insecure, however unjustified that is.

Give it a few months - once you've met her and know her better, hopefully it'll settle into a more open pattern of behaviour.

Home77 · 03/04/2019 11:09

I's just ignore it is it's going on too much maybe will cut down bit

chocolateandpinkgin · 03/04/2019 11:21

How do you know it's when she's left his house? You're possibly overthinking it. Or could it be she's not happy about him messaging you?

LuckyLou7 · 03/04/2019 11:24

There's nothing odd about a friend messaging you. Is it because he's a man and you think he might be interested in more than a friendship with you?

KitKat1985 · 03/04/2019 11:30

Sounds innocuous to me. Some people are just 'over-texters' and send memes to everyone etc. Though could you maybe ask him not to message you early in the morning or late at night?

NCforpoo · 03/04/2019 11:31

Why do you think he shouldn't message you when he's with you?

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 11:38

I think it’s anlittle too late and early in the morning for me but I’m a bit too shy to say that to him. I don’t undersatnd the last question @NCforpoo? I wondered if it was a little intense. I don’t message my friends that late at night or first thing in the early hours. I also reply to messages regardless of who I am with depending on the message or if somebody needed immediate information or a response. I would have expected him to decrease contact when in a relatively new relationship. If anything it has doubled . He is also being quite fawning of late which makes me uncomfortable

OP posts:

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 03/04/2019 11:40

well she obviously has had a word with him about how much he contacts you if he is messaging you while she is out

so I'd hazard a guess she is not pleased, and he is messaging you secretly.

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 11:42

Sorry just to add. I don’t reply to these early mornings to late night texts as they are not important . I have started to put do not disturb on my phone which only increases his contact as far as I can see

OP posts:

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 11:46

I hope there is no issue between them about me. They are a new couple so only meet occasionally . She would have no idea about our friendship. I haven’t met her and he does not contact me when with her so I hope that isn’t the case and thanks for your reply also . This texting goes on every single day for long periods

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 11:48

This is very very weird as every post is identical to the previous thread

Anyways, do you fancy this guy op? Is that what it is? Are you hoping this is a sign he fancies you?

notatwork · 03/04/2019 11:49

Is he actually texting you or sharing stuff to your FB page?

My DH has an hour before work where he'll share all sorts of random stuff that he thinks they'll like to friends on FB. Some male, some female, so I guess if one of the women didn't see all the other shares she'd think him odd.

If the messages aren't sexual in any way I wouldn't worry too much.

candycane222 · 03/04/2019 11:56

I can understand you thinking its a bit odd if he has recently increased the messaging to you. Maybe he is kind of excited and restless when she goes, and wanting to prolong the feeling of human contact by messaging you (rather than seeming too overpowering to his new girlfriend!)

I would want him to do this less because it annoys me getting numerous messages from anyone, however good a friend they are. But sometimes it's easier to just ignore than say anything (I find!) - perhaps it will ease off when he feels more settled anyway?

Usernumbers1234 · 03/04/2019 11:57

Yeah get the sense this is the same person trying to word this from a softer perspective so she finally hears what she wants to hear

Move on

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 03/04/2019 12:01

I've definitely seen this before

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 12:04

Thanks. Candy cane I never thought of that and it makes sense! No we have no fancying between us whatsoever! Messages never sexual only light and fun. I must be overthinking it all but I’m not into this relentless all hour messages so I will continue to ignore and wait it out until they get more serious and he gets less communicative. Thanks to you for the opinions . They help me a lot

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 03/04/2019 12:08

If they are a friend, as you say, tell them to stop messaging so early or late. If you can't do that then they are not a friend.

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 03/04/2019 12:13

Sorry no he is texting. Not sharing to fb page . I am shy when it comes to telling him not to. I had hoped he would get the message , so to speak .

OP posts:

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