AIBU to be worried about this.

[Yousicktwistedfruit]

Hi everyone I have named changed for this.

Me and my partner have been trying for a baby for over a year we finally decided to go to the doctors to get checked out because I have a family history of PCOS and endometriosis on my mums side including my sister. My 21 day bloods have come back fine but now I need to make an appoitment for an internal ultrasound and am shitting a brick about it I have no idea what it involves and am really worried that it will show up that I'm infertile and I'll never have a baby. I'm 29 and my parrtner is 26 so I know we have time on our side but it doesn't stop me from worrying about it all especially when my cousin and his partner have just announced that they are having a baby this year. Am also a bit frustated that everything falls to me to do I have to lose weight before we would be considered for fertility treatment and I have to quit smoking which I have been refered to the smoking cessation for but my partner has to do nothing but have his semen checked. Can anyone tell me what an internal ultrasound involves and if am being daft to be worried about any of it. Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong place I could just really do with some reasurance that it will all be ok.

For an internal ultrasound they will lie you down on a bed after you strip from the waist down. You will have a sheet or similar to place over your lap covering you, they will get you to place your feet on the bed with knees bent, and then get you to open you knees as wide as possible.

There will be a wand that gets covered with like a condom and lubed up which will be inserted into your vagina. You need to relax as much as possible, if you tense up while they do this it can become uncomfortable. I find a long, slow breath out as it goes in can really help. They will gently move it around to have a good look around. Once done they remove the wand, give you tissue to clean yourself up (you'll get some lube on you) and get yourself dressed. I've found they normally leave the room while you get undressed and dressed again.

The scans I've had done they've told me at the time of any findings, but a full report goes to your Dr.

That's just in my experience anyway, good luck

@Bambamber thank you thats helped a lot at least I know what to expect I've never had one done before so its all a bit frightening. Did you have it done for the same reason as me. Thank you Am just keeping everything crossed that it all comes back fine.

Surely youd stop smoking when you got pregnant anyway?

@OneBILLIONDollars well yes obviously but am doing it now before am pregnant just like am switching my tablets over to tablets that I can take in pregnacy before I get pregnant.

Men are usually advised to stop smoking, no drinking, lose weight, eat healthily and make sure their balls are kept cooler than the rest of their body through wearing boxers.

TVS procedures feel weird, but if you adopt the resigned position of feet together, knees apart like a frog (unless they advise you otherwise) and sigh, it'll be over soon enough. They don't hurt.

At least you don't need to 'perform' for your tests. It's really difficult for a lot of men to produce the samples.

The internal ultrasound is basically to check that everything inside is where it should be and looks to be normal in size/shape/structure. When we were having fertility testing I had one of these and while it wasn't the most dignified way to spend half an hour, it wasn't too uncomfortable. The doctor doing the scan turned the screen so I could see and talked me through what they were seeing. They were able to see that everything was present and correct, that one of my ovaries showed some mild polycystic characteristics but nothing serious and that there were no obvious blockages or scarring. They then scheduled a hysterosalpingogram to get a more in depth scan, it's like an internal ultrasound but they use a dye that gives them a more detailed view.

Fertility testing is stressful and intrusive. DH got fifteen minutes of alone time with a cup and a dirty magazine whereas I got multiple appointments with the dildo-scan and what seemed like half the bloody hospital staring up my nether regions.

Good luck, I hope it all goes well

@MitziK The GP never said any of that she's just made it sound like everything falls to me to do. I have no chance of getting him to wear boxers he never does and he's said that he doesn't want to lose weight he's happy the way he is he does weigh about 14 stone but I have a lot to lose. Thank you I will remember that I just wish I didn't have to go through any of this. He's fine about doing the test now that he knows what it involves.

One of the many reasons for losing weight is quite few women end up getting pregnant naturally as a side effect- happened to me.
My friends IVF journey took 10 years of her being poked and prodded. It may be a marathon not a race.

I'm sorry you are having problems and are worried about the US, but when you say that you're frustrated because "it all falls to me ...." what do you expect? You are the one trying to get pregnant! Yes, you need to stop smoking and yes, you need to lose weight. This is because the chances of falling pregnant are reduced with excess weight and I don't think you'd be eligible for any potential fertility treatment if you smoke (for obvious health reasons)...

No-one is going to want to spend valuable NHS resources on people who won't help themselves. It would be helpful and supportive of your partner to do the same though.

I’m
Sorry u have to go through all this but u will be the one carrying the baby, so it makes sense that u make the effort to be as healthy as possible? There is so much u can do to make a difference and to help u conceive. So look at it all as a positive thing.

I don't think you'd be eligible for any potential fertility treatment if you smoke

It wasn't a barrier for us, I had support there to help me quit if I wanted it but I wasn't pressured, it wasn't a condition of receiving treatment, and I didn't stop for good until I saw the positive test.

when you say that you're frustrated because "it all falls to me ...." what do you expect? You are the one trying to get pregnant!

Jesus Christ, you're all heart aren't you?

OP, I know what you mean about it all falling to you. DH's sperm sample came back normal, which was their first test as it's the easiest, so all of the testing then focused on me and I spent many months presuming that because his test was fine the fault obviously rested with me, that it was something wrong with me, and it's a big burden to carry.

Hi OP I hope your mind is at rest now that the ultrasound wont be too bad

I'm not sure if you're annoyed it's all down to you or if you're annoyed you've got to lose weight and stop smoking

There is growing evidence that mens health is much more important than previously thought - drinking, smoking, weight can all play a part in both your chances of getting pregnant and also your future childs health (if your partner was overweight at the time of conception even if subsequently lose it the child would be at higher risk of being overweight in later life recent studies have shown). So yanbu to be annoyed it all falls to you, firstly because it is unfair as you're one of two parents, and secondly because science is increasingly showing it shouldn't all fall to you but men tend to ignore that

if you're annoyed you have to lose weight and stop smoking before you qualify for fertility treatment though then yabu, I don't think most people would be happy their taxes were being spent on helping you when you could help yourself through lifestyle choices first

@Ewitsahooman Thank you I hope they let me see the screen and explain it all to me while am there not sure I would be able to handle having to wait until I go back to see the GP to find out whats going on. Its hard isn't it knowing how much we have to go through compared to our partners before we started all this I had no idea what we would have to go through to get an answer. Am just hoping that with me only being 29 means that we'll get a bit longer to try and we'll have a baby. Thank you did you have a baby in the end

Oh blimey, there’s not much point in your partner losing weight etc to get pg if you don’t!! You’re the one who will be carrying the baby... how much do you have to lose?

Also, you should give up smoking before you even ttc.

Are you sure you want a baby? You seem to want other people to make the effort instead of you...

Plus, you cousin’s fertility is nothing to do with you! For all you know, they could have been dieting, eating healthily and giving up alcohol for year before she got pg.

Why don’t you google all the best things you can do to get your body ready for having a baby?

The blood test would have showed up the hormones associated with PCOS. How are your periods, are they regular?

@ArnoldBee am hoping that if I can lose the weight then it will happen for me but I can only hope right am feeling a bit lost and in the dark about everything.

@TwitterQueen1 thanks for that really helpful unneeded comment.

@Seabreeze18 thank you I understand that am making these changes for a really important reason and I just have to think postively about it all just so hard to at the minute.

@Ewitsahooman Thank you am glad someone undersands where am coming from it really does feel like I'm the one who has to jump through all these hoops and he has to do nothing and am really starting to think that I could have a problem and if we never have a baby it will be my fault.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue Yes my mind has now been put at ease and I know what to expect now its really helped to ease the anxiety about it all. I'm frustrated that it feels like I have to do everything and jump through all these hoops and it sounded like he doesn't have to do anyhing am willing to do everything I can for us to have a baby if someone told me that being a vegertarian would help me to get pregnant right now I would do it. Thank you I will show that to my partner hopefully it will give him the kick up the bum he needs to lose some weight as well. I have managed to lose 13lb since July which I know doesn't sound like a lot but that was through just counting calaories but am wanting to do weight watchers and be refered to a weight lose programe I can do called active sefton so I would be going to the local gym and swimming pool. No am not frustrated that I have to lose weight and stop smoking I knew I would have to get off the ciggerattes anyway I just needed a reason to do it. I wouldn' expect taxpayers to help me get pregnant if I wasn't willing to make the changes that I know I need to make thats why am doing it now rather than when I get pregnant.

And you’re bloody lucky you live in a country where you get free health care for lifestyle choices, not just medical care.

Does your p know why he should wear boxers? Is he on board with having a baby?

You do sound like you are expecting the NHS to help you lose weight by paying for you to join WW. Do it for yourself! The NHS is on its knees...

I was diagnosed with PCOS at eighteen and told it was severe and I'd probably not be able to have children, losing the weight makes a huge difference but it is hard, weight watchers etc won't work. Low refined carb, low sugar, low calorie works the kind of dirty you'd have if diabetic, add it's likely you are insulin resistant. I've managed to maintain a healthy BMI for nearly ten years (other than pregnancy) after struggling until my mid twenties and being quite heavy at times, and conceived ds a month after coming off the pill. My consultant said it was a lot to do with my diet, weight and lifestyle (regular high intensity exercise) . DH naturally thin, ears junk, doesn't exercise, it's rubbish but it is what it is.

@Bittern11 I have already lost 13lb since last july by myself so yes I am willing to lose weight and am trying to and I will be asking to be put forward for a weight lose programe I never said that I was expecting everyone else to do the hard work for me. No its nothing to do with me but when you've been trying for so long it feels like a kick in the teeth am happy for them.

@TatianaLarina I didn't know that I knew they where looking to see what my hormones are like but I didn't know it could tell them that so thank you for that. Yes my periods are regular its taken a while for them settle down though I was on the mini pill which stopped them but I stopped taking that in Febuary 2018 the GP did say that it could take 6 months for my fertility to return to normal after coming off the pill but its taken this long for my periods to settle down I'm using a period app to track them to give me a better idea of whats going on with them.

did you have a baby in the end

I did. We had Clomid to help us with the first, I lost two, and then went on to have another three so we have four DC. A far cry from 12-13 years ago when I didn't think we would be able to ever have even one.

I really hope your tests and treatment work out.

An internal scan is as bambamber has described.
They can see if things look normal or not such as the shape of the uterus, thickness of lining, look at the ovaries to see if there are any follicles and their size etc.
They would expect to see different results for some of these depending on the stage of your cycle, so you may be asked the dates of you last period and average cycle length.
It sounds worse than it is. Not easy if you are worried, but if you can relax it is easier for the person doing the scan and less uncomfortable for you.
They give you paper to put over you but I found it more conformable to wear a tunic top, so that I had a long top on anyway.
Hope that helps.

@Bittern11 hahaha what makes you think that the NHS are paying for me to do weight watchers am paying for it myself thank you very much I don't expect the NHS to pay for anything the doctor can refere me to a programe called active sefton which will be free for me to do for 21 weeks and after that I PAY FOR IT. I will explain to him why he needs to wear boxers he wears them when he's in work yes he wants a baby just as much as me.

@ZippyBungleandGeorge I'm so so sorry. Am hoping that getting the weight off will make a massive difference I'll feel much better for it I know that much. Oh I will give that a try forgive me but what do you mean insulin resistent? Oh wow massive congratulations reading that gives me so much hope.

@Ewitsahooman Oh wow congratulations that gives me so much hope for us. Oh am so sorry that must've been hard on you both losing 2 babies. Thank you so much so do I fingers crossed and thank you for giving me some hope.

@TalkingFrog Thank you that has helped think the idea of it is just scary and am worried about what they will find but finding out off everyone exactly what happens has made it all a lot easier for me. Thank you I will write down the date of my last period and what my cycle length is its taken this long for it to return to normal after I stopped the pill I had no idea that it was going to take over a year for periods to settle down. I will wear a long top.

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice and for putting my mind at ease I feel better about the ultrasound now that I know what will happen.

It means your body doesn't handle sugar (including carbohydrates) well and your insulin production is either low or it doesn't release at the right timr to manage sugars. There's a website/forum called soulcysters , those women know everything there is to know if you do have pcos. The other thing I'd say is when I'm on a diet that's high in lean protein, veg and wholegrains and I'm limiting fat, sugar and white carbs I also don't feel tired all the time and some of my other symptoms are better too, so it's worth it for that. In terms of exercise I stated it walking, fast up to 5k then I did couch to 5k then I started hitting the gym, spin class is my favourite. You'll find some gym chains like pure gym are really cheap £10.99 a month and open 24 hours. There's lots of hope OP, DS is currently snuffling, squeaking, farting and snoring in the crib next to me, the original doctor who diagnosed me should've had a bit more faith 😁.