To ask what you do for you?

[drspouse]

Manic time at work, the house is a tip because we're having the windows replaced, DS (7) is on new meds for ADHD and they aren't right yet so he's having some even more extreme behaviour than usual and was in hospital recently too. DD is in Receptionist isn't properly dry or clean due to a bowel problem, we have washing coming out of our ears. DS is really behind at school and they are sucking in their teeth and telling us you look at special schools.
Both DH and I are really worn down. I need a pick me up that isn't gin or chocolate.

Can you go out for a meal? Just the two of you?

You could pay for the washing to be done for you. Either laundry or get someone to go to the launderette for you.

Unfortunately DS broke all the babysitters.
There's no launderette locally and surely you have to sit there? We have to wash her school clothes daily and dry them on the radiator or she runs out midweek

Have you got a relative to watch the children for the day? a spa day and meal with dh or a family day trip forgetting about ‘reality’ and enjoying time together

Oh sorry I misread. But I think we'd run out if we had to wait for someone else to do it! We do have a cleaner and she changes the beds which helps.

No relatives (DS broke them too, well actually, my DM massively favours DD and is very rude about DS and both she and my DF are quite elderly. In-laws dead).

Have you thought about getting a cleaner? Some come weekly, others will do one off cleans. Mine also does laundry and ironing, it makes a big difference and makes life less stressful.

Day trips are not relaxing with Mr ADHD...

If you're washing uniform mid week then the biggest impact on your time/stress levels would be to buy DD extra uniform. Then use the time you would have spent washing/drying/ironing to have a bit of time out.

In fact it sounds like the biggest treats for you would be whatever makes you less stressed:
A fridge full of ready meals
A cleaner
Your laundry sent out

Etc

We have a cleaner and we use an ironing service... We are still overwhelmed!

I'm sorry, I'm giggling at 'DS broke all the babysitters'. Very Calvin and Hobbes!

If gin and chocolate is getting you through this difficult time, then so be it. Maybe add a pizza into it, to cover the food groups? Or whatever your preferred takeout is?

As the weather gets finer, take the kids to a pub with a beer garden where they can play while yo ucommiserate over a pint?

Glass of wine in a bubble bath with a really crap book? (Karen Rose for me - Mills & Boon in a crime setting).

Give each other one night off a week, so you can go to the pub gym?

Our local launderette does a same day service wash where they collect and deliver your laundry. Also if it's that bad with your dd maybe just buy some extra uniform so you're not constantly doing it? I feel for you laundry is the bane of my life.

I would really like someone to tidy up all the junk in the house, sort out the DCs toys and clothes, and teach DS all the stuff school say he doesn't know but I think he does, especially how to write.
But I can't see anyone else doing that.

For laundry help: There are some services which will come to you to collect and drop off (depending on where you are), or bite the bullet and buy some cheap supermarket spares (enough to cover the full week). It’s really hard to stay on top of in usual scenarios, so you have it tough!

For the house: Book one of the cleaning companies to do a deep clean (£££), of book for a partial clean (££) or ask for a few friends to come help you clean whilst your DH takes DS and DD to visit family.

For you: Even a few minutes to read a book a day, or a long bath (both hard with kids) and look at a place you can take kids safely that require minimum supervision (soft play?) to wind down with DH and a coffee. Money being no object look at a spa / gym with a crèche area for kids, you might really enjoy even 45 minutes in a gym or swimming pool on your own or with DH. If your DS has broken all the usual babysitters might be worth contacting a child minder - some will babysit but it’s not a cheap option.

Unfortunately nothing I’ve suggested is cheap ☹️ But you might be able to work out what you can afford or an idea from it

Hmm we probably do need more uniform rather than just reusing school's spares.
Can I get it prelabelled do you think... And pre-shortened?

Damn I took too long - x posted with several people including OP

Can you use them more often? Upgrade to a housekeeper?

I'm not being facetious. I know exactly how you feel - DH and I work FT, I have three DC the youngest with SEN.

I learnt a while back that trying to do stuff for "myself" (Pilates/massage/night out on the wine) whilst things are tough just serves to cause me to stress more.

So I've made a couple of small tweaks which have helped:

• Nearly all housework is outsourced
• Roomba
• Naice ready meals for the freezer

The biggest change is I take a lunch break - not everyday but until a couple of months ago I never took one. Now I use it to have a manicure; do some non essential shopping; or just walk around the block for ten mins. This has definitely had a positive impact on my sanity levels

Order labels and use wonder web! Tack a few stitches on the labels after webbing or just pay a seamstress - usually a few locally

And definitely ask your cleaner if she sews. Mine takes up uniform and sews in name tags.

I have no friends TBH due to them all having demanding DCs/DS having SEN/them not having DCs. Not sure either they or a cleaner could sort out all the toys/clothes/workbooks/art work/paperwork though.
No local CMs babysit, we did ask! DS also doesn't settle with adults he doesn't know really and he has just decided he hates soft play after liking it for over 5 years. Blooming inconsiderate if you ask me.
I do have a bath most nights but it's kind of routine IYSWIM.

What about a 'mother's help' to help with the tidying?

A tutor for DS?

And DEFINITELY more uniform.

We're just out for a meal after the DCs last swimming lesson of the term. I'm unable to type owing to continually saying DS sit down DD don't lean on me while you're eating.

I did think about a mother's help actually.

I can't seem to find any SEN tutors, they are all grammar school prep round here. Also would they work with a child whose attention span is 5 mins on a good day?

I learnt a while back that trying to do stuff for "myself" (Pilates/massage/night out on the wine) whilst things are tough just serves to cause me to stress more.
I'm inclined to agree!

I'm feeling similar at the minute, work is really busy, dh working all hours under the sun, ds (5) has asd and his behaviour seems to have changed for the worse in the last 2 months, and I'm 30 weeks pregnant..
I find having enough uniforms to last the week helps as I can get them washed and dried at the weekend and don't have to worry about that mid week.
And I completely understand not being able to have a nice meal etc cos no babysitters mean you have to take your child with you which just means more stress.
I think at this stage I'm just going to have to ask dh to take dc out of the house for an hour or 2 every weekend so I can have a break, peace and quiet. Or else I'l have to get out myself leaving dc at home with dh. I just need a break from everything and everyone, that's all I know