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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you do for you?

52 replies

drspouse · 02/04/2019 18:28

Manic time at work, the house is a tip because we're having the windows replaced, DS (7) is on new meds for ADHD and they aren't right yet so he's having some even more extreme behaviour than usual and was in hospital recently too. DD is in Receptionist isn't properly dry or clean due to a bowel problem, we have washing coming out of our ears. DS is really behind at school and they are sucking in their teeth and telling us you look at special schools.
Both DH and I are really worn down. I need a pick me up that isn't gin or chocolate.

OP posts:
Elizabeth2019 · 02/04/2019 19:35

Okay so if you can manage a bath, spice it up a bit (not in the naughty sense!) by trying to add in:

  • face mask
  • prepare nails
  • salt scrub
  • deep conditioning treatment for hair
  • read a book
  • tidy up eye brows / facial hair
  • properly moisturise
  • cup of tea (or hardcore gin)

All superficial but if you enjoy a bit of a pamper, managing one of these every few days should make you feel slightly more on top of everything. And no stress trying to get to appointments!

BirdieInTheHand · 02/04/2019 19:35

I'm inclined to agree Smile

Ok so focus on what would make your life easier. Is there a sport/activity your DS could participate in and enjoy. Even 45 mins would give you additional head space.

If you've got money to throw at the problem what about hippotherapy. This was recommended by our DDs OT. She'd just started riding (or at least sitting atop a horse whilst being lead around an arena) anyway and definitely helps.

Poing · 02/04/2019 20:34

We have been going through a particularly stressful period, and it has helped to say to my husband, that stuff over there can wait. Today, we sit down and chill together. Today, we talk about X at 3 pm (or whenever), sort out what needs to be done about it, and then no more talking or thinking about it til tomorrow. Doesn't always work, but we sleep a lot better when it does work.

What else has helped my sanity is focusing on doing what needs to be done (ie: daily uniform washing) and just leaving what I want to get done (ie: sorting the toys).

I have learnt it is so important to be kind to myself. Sometimes, self-care is having a nap (because nearly everything is better after a nap), or going for a run or ride, or going and eating in my break something I wouldn't cook at home (a butter chicken or curry).

And I am learning to break the big tasks into steps. Eg: Monday put the toys to be sorted in a laundry tub and put in spare room. Week later, sort through. I find the idea of starting something sometimes overwhelming and just starting it helps a lot. Often, it is not as bad as I think it will be.

Best of luck, OP, and hope the meds work well for your son.

flitwit99 · 02/04/2019 20:40

Go out for a run. That always fixes me, at least temporarily.

Buy a load of cheap pants and tights so you never run out, and just throw them away if they get too messy. I know that's wasteful but if you can afford it do it anyway. We have name labels called Stikins, they stick to everything with no trouble, even clothes.

Poing · 02/04/2019 20:49

Also, just to say DC (8) has ADHD and is doing now extremely well on his meds. Before, DC had the attention span of a butterfly but now he is just blossoming, because he he can absorb everything he couldn't before.

It also helps that the school he goes to caters for kids with ADHD and ASD, with smaller class sizes (9 last semester) and therapy, such as OT and speech, after school. It is not a main-stream school and neither is it a special school. DC thinks it is wonderful and loves going. We think it is wonderful, because DC is so well supported and is simply flourishing.

Once you get the right meds for your son, OP, things will get easier. Once he responds to the meds, it frees up your mental space to focus on the next thing , such as the extra tuition. One problem, or step, at a time.

Again, all the best, OP

DinosApple · 02/04/2019 20:53

When I'm exhausted the two 'me things' I do is MN or have a bath, sometimes both at the same time Wink. Sometimes I fling in a Lush bath bomb if I'm feeling decadent.

Now the evenings are lighter I want to get out for a run again. Or maybe a walk, tbh I really loathe running...

Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 20:58

She wears school trousers and is annoyingly short so they need shortening sadly (partly why I've put off buying new ones) but I'm going to look into a stamp for the name.

DS doesn't really "do" activities - either you have to stay with him and cajole him into staying in the room/pool or he gets told he can't come back (dancing, Sunday school, recorder so far). So it's not a break in any sense. He was supposed to go to a social skills group but didn't make it into the house.

I just had a bath with a book which was nice but the supermarket delivery just woke up DS. Now he's going on about buying his TA a present. His last two major meltdowns were over not being allowed/able to choose something in a shop.

No room for a Roomba but thankfully my standards are too low to care about regular hoovering and the carpet is ancient.

I have started running actually but I'm just too tired/it's late/I haven't slept well/DH isn't home yet a lot of times.

OP posts:
Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 21:00

We have been told we've no hope of a place at a school with mainstream levels but a behaviour specialism (after we finally found a couple) and the only place will be one for children who are much less verbal than him.

OP posts:
tor8181 · 02/04/2019 21:02

nothing as im a 24 hour carer and 24 hour home educator

this has been our life for years now with out help from anyone

boys are 14 and 8 but mentally 11 and 5,youngest has only been verbal for just over a year as well

both boys have many complex disabilities each(8 for oldest,7 for youngest)and have bad anxiety each so need adult supervision 24/7 so its not as if i can say go to their rooms for half hour

its a good thing they are not violent as they are very big for their age at 6ft 1(14) and 5ft 1(8)

neither sleep either so need a adult each at night

oldest has only recently got over a 3 year nervous breakdown at 11 caused by s bullying y5 teacher and was agoraphobic which has taking a lot of hard work without any professional help

im also teetotal so cant turn to alcohol

i do have a partner and he does the same as me,more as hes the driver

both boys get 0 professional help as there is none here(valleys of south wales)its all down to me and their dad

what we do is attend 2 diffrent disability groups that organize many trips/activities so the kids are just like them(or worse off)and parents in the same position so there is a lot of acceptance and no judgment

we do a lot of holidays(18 last year) and day trips out and attend our local cinema in the days regularly as its only £2.50 a ticket

we also spend a lot of time cooking as boys eat 8-9 large home cooked meals each in a 24 hour period

written down its hard hard work but you got no choice when there is no one out there to help you as there is not ever any specials schools around here just village schools that have no idea(same school failed both mine severely anyway)

Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 21:06

He can be very sweet, I'm not denying it, at tea after telling him off for dipping his fish finger in the mayonnaise bottle I told him how tired I was and he gave me a hug and a kiss after I asked him to
I would get a lot more help in but DH is a bit more private than me and sometimes feels uncomfortable with lots of people coming and going. He's one of those really polite and cheery people who get worn out by being polite and cheery.
A walk rather than a run might do me good actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 21:07

Gosh I guess there really always is someone worse off than you!

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 02/04/2019 21:15

Give them to DH for an hour
Pop on some tunes and go for a walk

Earslaps · 02/04/2019 21:27

I need exercise to stop me needing to scream at everyone. I go early (6.30am) twice a week so I'm showered and dressed and home at 7.30am ready to get DC breakfast.

If you don't like high impact stuff, I really love bunging on a podcast and just walking.

Crochet and knitting help keep me sane too.

Sympathies for the adhd DS, I have one with adhd who is doing much better now he's on meds but he needs the dosage changed and we need to wait a month for the next appointment. Plus he often forgets to take them, even when you put them straight in his hand.

Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 21:53

Now I like crochet and knitting. And proper sewing. Just not taking up school trousers.

OP posts:
Flaverings · 02/04/2019 21:58

What type of things do you like to make?

Original poster
drspouse · 02/04/2019 22:00

Like: making t-shirts for me, leggings for the DCs, knitting socks.
Dislike: endless knee patches.

OP posts:
Flaverings · 02/04/2019 22:01

I find it quite a treat to plan my next project or even next stage of a project Also, looking through Pinterest for inspiration.

tootiredtospeak · 02/04/2019 22:15

Buy uniform for every day and shorten it a small.amount of pain for a lot of gain. Do you have a dog. I find walking my dog really relaxing and my DS ASD has always loved walking her it lets off steam.same walk everyday is a nice routine and he has always loved playing with her stroking her it calms him and she provides unconditional love.

Babyhumps · 02/04/2019 22:27

I totally feel you pain OP. I have three at home, youngest severe SEN, Non verbal, incontinent and has broken relatives and friends to the point no one brave enough to try babysitting (laugh else I'd cry).. house work feels never ending and no friends round here as we've not long moved here. I'm tee total too and tbh baths Ilike the idea of but actually get bored after 15 mins!! I have discovered Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.. Wow its made me feel so much better in mind and body, really wish I'd done it sooner. And my little SEN finds watching me doing it highly entertaining! Walking the dogs for a good hour alone whenever I can grab it (easier in the summertime evenings or mornings) also is great for the soul. HTH 💐

MumUnderTheMoon · 02/04/2019 22:48

Our house is very busy both dd and I are autistic, dd also has a learning disability and a rare syndrome and I also have multiple medical and mental health issues so I'm all about "anything for an easy life" in the house. Dds uniform was picked up at Asda so she has one for each day of the week. We have a shoe shelf so I don't have to hunt them down every morning. I hang up her outfits (school/ casual) the night before. We have printed duvets from m&s they wash and dry within a day and don't need duvet covers. (This was life changing for me, no stripping the bed and no making the bed just pull off fitted sheet and duvet and wash and then put on fitted sheet and throw duvet on bed)
Once dd is in bed I crochet. I find it soothing and I like that I've made something. I use the things I make for presents.

Original poster
drspouse · 03/04/2019 09:25

Right I have ordered some trousers in a variety of sizes, maybe I can squeeze her tummy into 3-4 still and not have to shorten them?
DS stepped in/messed with my knitting basket and I shouted at him. So much for a destressor.
I got the bus to work though and I'm having my coffee break early with a book as the coffee shop is just by the bus stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
drspouse · 03/04/2019 11:21

And a stamper for names on DD's clothing.
Of course while I was having my nice relaxing coffee and reading my nice relaxing book about death, school rang to discuss DS.

OP posts:
Romax · 03/04/2019 12:10

You need to buy more uniform

Romax · 03/04/2019 12:12

What i so entirely for myself

Running and yoga. Heaven

Original poster
drspouse · 03/04/2019 12:31

Have you read my posts Romax?

OP posts: