WWYD? husband looking at FIFO work

[ApplePieIsAmazing]

My husband has been looking at the idea of FIFO work. Especially because we are looking at relocating to another city next year. The money would definitely help but being an electrician he wouldn't really struggle to find a job that isn't fifo.

I'm not really keen on the idea. I have seen so many relationships break down because of fifo, not to say they all do but they definitely make marriages harder. On the other hand the extra money would be handy.

I feel like this is a decision we both need to be on board with. So wwyd regarding fifo? And wibu to say I don't want him working away? The roster would be 8 days away, 6 home

PBobs how often do you see your DH? Also, how do you deal with any issues that arise?

Haven't spoken much about it yet, we plan to tomorrow afternoon when we see each other next. He's currently working nights. I'm glad that some commenters know how bad the mines are out here. One family I know of, he hated it and on his days home would have so much negative energy it brought the mood of the whole house down

We would probably look at doing fifo till we get a house and get reasonably ahead with payments

Are you both currently on the same shift pattern?? So the dogs are ok all e for 13hrs?
My other though is how often would the shift patterns align that you are doing your 5 shifts on his 6 days off...
Don't forget DH can do most of the chores when he is off, so you "only" need to cover the days he is working remote.

We know a number of families who do similar (But a 5/2 away/home). It can be lonely for a single wife behind, it can be chaotic for a family left behind - but we have all moved country for this work opportunity, so no of existing network, and no family.

Only the two of you can make the decision. Be aware, it can be hard to give up the money (looking at you, DH... I've had enough, I don't care what the bank balance looks like, it's healthy. Just quit.)

I walk them when I get home while DH cooks, or vice versa.

That's another point I brought up to him on the phone what if I'm working when he's off and he said "we'll work it out"

I don't think that's an acceptable answer. Changing shift for me is not an option

DH did it... we know people who did it with and without children.

It's not great DH was 2 weeks on, two weeks off. It sounds great... working 50% of the year!...but working 12-13 hour days it takes its toll. He would get home and by the time he got used to life with us again and our DD remembering who he is ... he'd be gone. Plus it was always a race to catch up with the domestics and still have time for each other and family time... it was hard. He left... still in toil and gas just doesn't need to be doing that FIFO anymore.

DH missed birthdays.... christmases... a significant milestone birthday for him... almost missed the birth of our son.

One night we were burgled and it was terrifying as he was so far away and I was alone at home ... pregnant with DS and toddler DD.

I just wouldn't. The couple without children... her DH missed almost all birthdays... wedding anniversaries etc. She worked but life was always on pause till he returned then it would be cramming as much in before he had to leave again. They both became depressed and almost separated.

Other couple with small children... left the company to find another job more suitable to family life. Other husband became depressed... which is very common amongst the men who do FIFO.

Ironically it was great when we lived in China as a couple and he was doing it. As he would be home every evening and we had one day off... so it never felt like FIFO.

I'd think very hard about it....

Can you cope on your own?

@ApplePieIsAmazing sorry if my post wasn't clear - I added an after post but probably not clear either. I'm not FIFO. DH and I live and work in the same place. Day in day out. I was speaking more to the point that I don't think burn out has to be the outcome on a high intensity job etc.

I don't think the time away is necessarily a problem. Years ago I used to have a job that involved being away 6 weeks in 8. That was hard. I had a relationship and he cheated on me but that was because he was an arse - not because I was away. I gave up that lifestyle when my friend's baby died and I couldn't be there for her because I was away. I miss it though - it was a great job and lifestyle with rubbish pay. I don't know if I would do it now though. I did meet my current DH while I was in that job. People think I quit because of him but I didn't - it was my friend's tragedy that made me reassess my life. He and I were quite happy being apart but we are very independent. Now we live and work in the same job we are a lot less independent. I wouldn't love to be apart these days - I think you get comfy and cosy - but I would probably do it pre-baby.

@pinkboa I don't think I would cope very well when he's away. I might sound like a bloody sook but I like having him here with me

He has a tendency to be depressed so that worries me. We certainly aren't struggling for money, he just doesn't like his boss here

My DH has been FIFO for 17 years, we love it!

I did this with an ex in Perth but it was 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off. He would drink too much away because that's what they did there, and even more at home because he was bored with all the time off. Plus it rarely ends up being short term as there's never a good time to give up on that sort of money once you've started.

8 and 6 isn't as bad obviously. I'd just worry he wouldn't commit to it being short term. My ex said six months to save a house deposit and as far as I know he's still doing it 7 years later.

@rtmhwales may I ask why you two broke up? Anything to do with the fifo?

Kind of. He could never set an end date for the FIFO work (glad I stuck to it as he's still in it now, years after we broke up) and it became a big deal about all the money he made and the lifestyle he suddenly wanted (that I didn't particularly).

Plus he'd get depressed working away for so long and I missed him terribly. The depression seemed to lead to drinking on his part. We parted but have remained friends. The lifestyle works for some. 8 and 6 off might be better but just be absolutely sure that this doesn't slide into permanency if you don't want that lifestyle.

The money was nice, but I'd rather have had him. And with kids and pets and etc it would've all fallen to me - he constantly told me on his days off he needed time to relax because the mines/oil life is stressful. So I doubt he would've been much help.

Best of luck which ever way you two go.

Depends if you can hack it. My husband has nearly always worked away ranging from week to 2 weeks at a time. It's always been like this. Pre kids I had an active social life - gym, meals out with girl friends, hobbies. You have to be a pretty self sufficient person to have a spouse who works away.

We do it and it works for us. We speak every day on the phone. Pre-kids, I was worried about being lonely but it was fine and I actually enjoyed having time to myself. DH got a bit bored on his week off when I was working, but took up a hobby that kept him busy. The money is great. We have a beautiful house and a lovely lifestyle.

After kids, we could afford for me to be at home. It is definitely tough during my week alone, but when he comes home it is so lovely to have 7 days as a family together. He has more quality time with his children than he would in a normal job.

Once they go to school and I go back to work, I suppose that will change things, and we will probably look at it again to see if it's still working.

DH has never missed any significant events. The mine shuts down at Christmas and he just books time off for anything we need. If he books 7 days off he has a 3 week break from work so that is great for refreshing and we can have lovely long holidays.

UPDATE: okay so DH and I had a long conversation. We made up some rules such as if at any point either of us don't like him being away, he starts looking for a new job, we review the situation every six months and he quits when we have a new house and we are settled. Also Skype will be used

Feeling better about it, DH said it's going to be hard being away but he wants a change in his work and this looks appealing to him, plus he wants to set us up for the future.

I thought that reasonable, thought why not give it a try. Thanks everyone for your input. He find out if he's got the job at the end of the month :)