Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move her bed anyway

35 replies

littlesunshining · 01/04/2019 15:02

We're a blended family, 6 children all together. My oldest DD mainly lives at her dad's house as it's more convenient for her however she still has her own bedroom here even though she only stays the night for holidays/celebration and the occasional weekend. DD2 shares a bedroom with DSD1, this hasn't been working recently and I think it would be better for DD2 to have her own bedroom. Since DD1 doesn't use her bedroom much I thought they could swap but DD1 isn't happy about this, everyone else is

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 01/04/2019 15:09

How old are all the children involved ?

MeredithGrey1 · 01/04/2019 15:09

I'd move it. Obviously its nice for her to have her own room at your house, but since it sounds like she very rarely stays there, I don't think her having her own room can come at the expense of two other children. It doesn't make much sense to have a room that is empty the vast majority of the time and if I was DD2 or DSD1 I'd be pretty unhappy to have to share just so my older sister could have her own room on occasional visits. (I'm assuming DSD1 is there much more often than DD1?)

Original poster
littlesunshining · 01/04/2019 15:10

Oh forgot to mention that, DD1 is 16, DD2 is 13 and DSD is 14

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 01/04/2019 15:12

Where will dd1 sleep when she stays? I thought you were going to say she was older. Why is it more convenient for her to live at her dads? Is there any chance she feels pushed out?

Kpo58 · 01/04/2019 15:12

Could DDs 1&2 share a room? It's almost like DD2 getting her own room.

Sirzy · 01/04/2019 15:13

Can dd1 and dd2 not share a room on the occasions both are there?

Sexnotgender · 01/04/2019 15:13

The one that stays with you full time gets precedence.
Her room isn’t some sacred space that can’t be touched.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 01/04/2019 15:16

Unless you live in a house with an excess number of bedrooms, priority for own room should be based on frequency of overnight visits

Original poster
littlesunshining · 01/04/2019 15:16

My idea is to swap them over so she'll stay in DSD's room. She used to live half and half between mine and her dad's but decided she didn't want to have to keep going from one to the other and her dad's house is closer to school and friend's houses

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 15:16

DD1 should just share with DD2 when she stays. It's really not a big deal for siblings to share a room, especially since it sounds like it will only be very rare occasions.

kaytee87 · 01/04/2019 15:19

Who has the other rooms?

You're probably not being unreasonable btw. Just wondering if there are other kids being prioritised that she might be annoyed about.

IVEgottheDECAF · 01/04/2019 15:22

I would have dd1 and dd2 share (when dd1 is actually there)

Original poster
littlesunshining · 01/04/2019 15:24

It's more about her not wanting to share at all, she can have the choice of who she wants to share with. The other bedrooms are taken by DSS, and the younger two girls share a room.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2019 15:29

I wonder if this is about her feeling pushed out and less important. Do you spend time just the two of you?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 01/04/2019 15:36

Does she have her own room at her dad’s house?
No teenager really wants to share but it doesn’t seem reasonable for there to be a room which is hardly used while 2 other teenagers are stuck sharing permanently.

MadameDD · 01/04/2019 15:40

I'd personally say if she's rarely there she can share. Any possibility (yes I know this is expensive) of converting attic for her?

Eliza9917 · 01/04/2019 15:43

My idea is to swap them over so she'll stay in DSD's room. She used to live half and half between mine and her dad's but decided she didn't want to have to keep going from one to the other and her dad's house is closer to school and friend's houses

How often is DSD2 there? If she isn't there permanently, it makes sense for her and DD1 to share and DD2 to have her own room.

Megs4x3 · 01/04/2019 15:44

DD1 is being an utterly selfish teenager. Why should her siblings share all the time when she is only there occasionally, and that by her own choice? Of course WW111 may break out if you try to enforce anything but in the War of the Adolescents you have to pick your battles and decide if this one is worth pursuing. Only you know the girls well enough to decide.

But she IS being, typically, very selfish.

kaytee87 · 01/04/2019 15:47

Do you step children live with you permanently?

AndOfCourseHenryTheHorse · 01/04/2019 15:48

Tricky... maybe she is feeling pushed out, but it seems as if she has chosen to spend more time at her dad’s, so I don’t know... maybe I’m being really harsh, but my sympathy is somewhat limited. It’s a two way street. If she misses you, she could make the effort to come to yours a bit more? Doesn’t solve the bedroom problem though!

AndOfCourseHenryTheHorse · 01/04/2019 15:50

Does she maybe not enjoy having a house full of step-siblings? Maybe that’s why she prefers to stay at her dad’s? Or is it PURELY down to convenience?

If it’s the latter, I would probably be inclined to try and have a talk with her about it and her choice to not use the bedroom she’s so keen to hang on to.

lyralalala · 01/04/2019 16:02

I wouldn't set it up in a way that means when she stays she can share with either your other DD or your DSD. I'd have one of the other girls sharing with her. So she still has her space when she comes. They get their own room most of the time, but she still has a designated space in your house that is hers.

Original poster
littlesunshining · 01/04/2019 16:11

She probably gets on with her step siblings better than she does with her sister. They all just see each other as siblings really as they've pretty much grown up together. Step children do live here permanently. DD2 spends most her time here.
I talked it through with her when she decided to spend most her time at her dad's and made sure there wasn't anything else wrong. It seems she just got sick of living in two houses which is understandable, she still visits a few times a week and we probably spend more time together now if anything

OP posts:
Mykingdomforanickname · 01/04/2019 16:12

Rather than force DD1 out of her existing room, can't you just say that she has to share it with DD2, meaning that in practice DD2 has her own room most of the time? (This answer assumes that DD1 is the only one of the children who doesn't live at your house most of the time.)

Eliza9917 · 01/04/2019 16:18

I wouldn't set it up in a way that means when she stays she can share with either your other DD or your DSD. I'd have one of the other girls sharing with her. So she still has her space when she comes. They get their own room most of the time, but she still has a designated space in your house that is hers.

Rather than force DD1 out of her existing room, can't you just say that she has to share it with DD2, meaning that in practice DD2 has her own room most of the time? (This answer assumes that DD1 is the only one of the children who doesn't live at your house most of the time.)

Why? She doesn't live there.