To move her bed anyway

[littlesunshining]

We're a blended family, 6 children all together. My oldest DD mainly lives at her dad's house as it's more convenient for her however she still has her own bedroom here even though she only stays the night for holidays/celebration and the occasional weekend. DD2 shares a bedroom with DSD1, this hasn't been working recently and I think it would be better for DD2 to have her own bedroom. Since DD1 doesn't use her bedroom much I thought they could swap but DD1 isn't happy about this, everyone else is

Are either of the younger two happy to share with dd1? I would move whichever sister she gets on with best into dd1’s room and say she shares it when she’s home. Or is her room too small for 2 beds? Then perhaps you could get all of the girls involved in making the two rooms nice, fresh lick of paint maybe some new duvet covers or something so dd1 feels involved in the process.

It’s important she still feel she belongs, even though she doesn’t come often. On the other hand you need a working situation for the other 2. We kept a bedroom each for my stepchildren who occasionally stayed) so our two young sons shared another bedroom) until the older two bought their own houses but they were about 28 and 27 by then!) We thought it was important they still felt they belong. I can see it both ways. Can you sit down with your older daughter and ask her what ideas she might have so she feels included in the decision?

Personally I'd allow the younger DC to have a bedroom each as older DC isn't there a lot but I'd say that younger DC must bunk up when older DC visits so she doesn't feel pushed out

Sorry meant to say when older DC visits she gets a room to her self and younger DC temporarily share

My brother is 36 and is in the army, he still has his own bedroom when he comes home! Still lives with parents but that's something to tell another time

Why? She doesn't live there?

The OP has said that the DD does still stay over quite often, so obviously she is going to need somewhere to sleep when she does. If moving someone else into DD1's room effectively gives DD2 and DSD1 a room each, why not do it that way rather than potentially cause upset by forcing DD1 out of her room? I am also taking into account that we are not talking about moving guests around hotel rooms. If the bedroom is DD1's childhood bedroom, forcing her out of it may stir up all sorts of emotions at an age when lots of young people have all sorts of insecurities. Why do that when you can deal with the issue by moving someone else into the room without moving DD1 out?

the occasional weekend isnt enough to wrrant her own bedroom its your house shes not contributing shes a guest

do u mean your stepson and daughter are sharing-thats not right

What is the arrangement when DD2 visits her Dad (I'm assuming her they share a Dad and that DD2 sometimes stays at his, but actually lives at yours) Do the girls share one room and DD1 has it as her own most of the time?
If so the situation should be the same at your house - DD1 can;t really reserve a room that stands empty for 90% of the time, but DD2 and DSD1 have to share - that very unfair on both the younger girls.
if Dd1 doesn;t like sharing when she is at yours, is there anyway you could make her a bit of private space with a put up bed in the living room or something ?

I don't think it is about being pushed out - she has chosen to live mainly at her dad's (no problem - sounds like her reasons are sensible) but she can't hang on to a room she hardly uses when space is at a premium.

@Mykingdomforanickname she says she comes over often, she only stays over for holidays.

Honestly I'm pretty astonished that a child moves out (because she has!) and expects to keep her room exactly the same? It's typical selfish teen behaviour, she has eyes, she knows you're crowded in your home.

I would tell her she's being unfair - if she doesn't want to live with you permanently then she can't have a permanent room. She's old enough to understand that (even if she doesn't like it) and it doesn't sound like you're a recently blended family to require walking on eggshells.

DD1 and DD2 each have a room at their dad's. I think I'll sit DD down and say she can't have her own room because she rarely uses it but she can decide what happens instead of that