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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU as none of my family invited.

39 replies

DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 10:56

My DD has her holy communion coming up soon. Last night we were out for mothers day and decided to book a table at where we were. When DW gave numbers I asked who was included, us, DWs parents, SIL and partner (SIL is a godparent), DW best friend and daughter (19 yo). Didn't include any of my family. My eldest DSIS is also a godparent but abroad and can't make it. I said my other DSIS and her DS my nephew whom I'm very close to and more like a brother/Best mate can come and DW said no as it's god parents only. My family live 200 miles away but they would come up.
DWs rationale was my SIL is bringing her DH. Grandparents without saying as they are fantastic even though I've fallen out several times when I've stood my ground. Her best friend because she is her best friend and her daughter as she is our DC "friend". I pointed out that she is 10 years older and in university and is not their friend in the meaning of the word.
I let it slide as I wasn't going to ruin the evening.
It has annoyed me that my family are excluded particularly as the 2 I want to come are the ones I'm very close to.
I'm not going to let it go but I will get the "So I can't invite BF and her DD? etc and it won't be in a friendly tone but the tone that trys to make me out to be the baddie.
Advice and guidance please as I don't want to be the baddie in this.

OP posts:
Toooldtocareanymore · 01/04/2019 13:44

d just ring restaurant now ask can you add 4 to number already booked, then face to face say I was thinking about what you said and the booking WE made, and it would really hurt my family to not be invited, and obviously i'm not going to tell them they cant come, are you? when there is no reason they cant, so, as your parents are coming mine will too, my dsis will stand in for DSIS(godparent) , so dd has her grandparents, 2 of her aunts, her cousin, your dw's friend and daughter and we will have a great day, you could point out the two teens then have someone to chat to, say we don't have many of these opportunities to get us all together, do you think we should book a special cake, or some other not essential detail - to basically say we are moving on ..

babysharkah · 01/04/2019 13:49

We have DTs coming up soon. Space is an issue in the church so it's immediate family only in the church. Everyone else is meeting us for a celebration straight after.

Just change the booking. why on earth does she get to control?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/04/2019 13:51

She is your dd too, I would tell your DW that you are inviting your family, call restaurant to change the numbers.

Acis · 01/04/2019 13:52

I'm not going to let it go but I will get the "So I can't invite BF and her DD? etc and it won't be in a friendly tone but the tone that trys to make me out to be the baddie.

I don't understand this at all. Why would inviting two extras prevent her inviting her best friend and daughter?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 01/04/2019 14:05

I wouldn't give this any room for discussion.
Call the venue add them on. Then call your family and give them the details. Then tell your wife this is happening. End of. We don't need to discuss it because it's happening.

Let her throw her tantrum. At which point I'd start questioning the relationship.

81Byerley · 01/04/2019 14:18

You have equal rights. Invite your relatives and change the booking to accommodate them.

Bookworm4 · 01/04/2019 14:24

Your DW is being ridiculous, any communion I've been to every cousin, auntie, friend is invited and usually a party after not a sit down meal; you must be posh 😂

NotWhatWhat · 01/04/2019 14:38

She sounds mean. Hope you manage to sort it out.

singymummy · 01/04/2019 14:42

just ring the restaurant, add the extra numbers on and invite who you want.

you're not uninviting her guests, just adding more. its a non issue

enjoy the communion Smile

cava14una · 01/04/2019 15:23

I am a recent convert to RC. When I was received into the Church I had my best friend nota church goer but Church of Scotland by birth my next door neighbour the same. My best friends DIL a lapsed Catholic. Picked because I have no close family and they were people who support me in daily life
Your family should come

fargo123 · 02/04/2019 05:51

I wouldn't be asking her, I'd be telling her that you've invited DSis and DN and that you'll advise the restaurant of new numbers.

Ditto.

It wouldn't occur to me NOT to invite both sides of the family for an event like this. If I did temporarily lose my mind and forget to invite the in-laws, I'd definitely expect my husband to say 'hang on, what about my family?!' so that I/we could rectify the situation.

CallItLoneliness · 02/04/2019 10:01

It sounds like you and your wife don't like each other very much--she (apparently) doesn't want your family around, you won't let her ruin your relationship with your family. Did you contribute at all to the planning of the HC/meal?

HardofCleaning · 02/04/2019 10:09

Why does DW get to decide who comes? Unless there's a backstory you're deliberately leaving out then it's weird she didn't choose to invite your family in the first place and I would be inviting them myself now.

Cheeserton · 02/04/2019 10:11

I just don't understand this. She's your child too - clearly you can invite your family if you wish.

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