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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU as none of my family invited.

39 replies

DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 10:56

My DD has her holy communion coming up soon. Last night we were out for mothers day and decided to book a table at where we were. When DW gave numbers I asked who was included, us, DWs parents, SIL and partner (SIL is a godparent), DW best friend and daughter (19 yo). Didn't include any of my family. My eldest DSIS is also a godparent but abroad and can't make it. I said my other DSIS and her DS my nephew whom I'm very close to and more like a brother/Best mate can come and DW said no as it's god parents only. My family live 200 miles away but they would come up.
DWs rationale was my SIL is bringing her DH. Grandparents without saying as they are fantastic even though I've fallen out several times when I've stood my ground. Her best friend because she is her best friend and her daughter as she is our DC "friend". I pointed out that she is 10 years older and in university and is not their friend in the meaning of the word.
I let it slide as I wasn't going to ruin the evening.
It has annoyed me that my family are excluded particularly as the 2 I want to come are the ones I'm very close to.
I'm not going to let it go but I will get the "So I can't invite BF and her DD? etc and it won't be in a friendly tone but the tone that trys to make me out to be the baddie.
Advice and guidance please as I don't want to be the baddie in this.

OP posts:
KC225 · 01/04/2019 11:06

Is there a back story here? Is it her child? Financial? Does she not get on with 'your' people? Why does your DW get to dictate the invitation list without consulting you. Draw up a list of people you think want to invite and offer to ring the restaurant to add the numbers.

OKBobble · 01/04/2019 11:06

Invite them and say too bad. Its my daughter too.

Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 11:33

KC225 there is no real backstory, DD is both ours and cost wouldn't be an issue. It's not that there is bad blood or doesn't get on but I think a bit of jealousy as I'm extremely close to my DSIS and her DS. He travels 200 odd miles at least 3 or 4 times a year to see me and my DC who they adore while her sister lives 60 miles away and I think stayed maybe once last year (no kids) and who has been the cause of fallings out between me and PIL in the past.

OKBobble I think I'll put her in the position that she tells them why they can't come as I'm not going to lie to my family.

OP posts:
Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme · 01/04/2019 11:49

Are your family religious?

Non of my husbands family share mine or my children's faith so for faith based events it is only people who share the faith I invite.

Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 12:00

My DW's best friend is protestant as is her BIL. My family are rc as well so it's nothing to do with that. I would be athiest but don't interfere in anyone's beliefs and that's generally accepted. My MIL would be the most religious out of everyone.

OP posts:
chopc · 01/04/2019 12:06

Your DW is being ridiculous. It's not God parents only is it? Of course you should invite your sister - she is immediate family

Elizabeth2019 · 01/04/2019 12:09

She doesn’t like them or else would be keen to include them.

If it was a one off then I’d be organising another meal for your family and excluding her side but I’m petty.

Gazelda · 01/04/2019 12:10

I wouldn't be asking her, I'd be telling her that you've invited DSis and DN and that you'll advise the restaurant of new numbers.

Collaborate · 01/04/2019 12:29

Tell her if she wants to dictate the guest list she can pay it out of her own money.

BitterLemonTart · 01/04/2019 12:40

I think that you should invite them and make them part of the day. Your DW is being unreasonable in leaving them out. My DH brother is married to a woman who loves to leave his side of the family out. It's really upsetting and the kids have grown up feeling like their Mum's side of the family are real family and we are not. So often we have felt like he never fought for us to be included and it's affected our relationships. So please, for your family's and your DCs sake let them feel a part of the day and be included. Then carry on like this going forward. Your family might not say but if they like us they will feel it.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 01/04/2019 12:43

Why is there a limit on numbers?

ChariotsofFish · 01/04/2019 12:51

Just invite them. It’s your child too, she doesn’t get to veto your family.

5foot5 · 01/04/2019 12:56

I'm not going to let it go but I will get the "So I can't invite BF and her DD? etc and it won't be in a friendly tone but the tone that trys to make me out to be the baddie.

Why is it an either/or situation? Does there have to be a limit on numbers?

Your DW is being ridiculous. Of course you should invite your family too if that is what you want?

Eliza9917 · 01/04/2019 13:05

OKBobble I think I'll put her in the position that she tells them why they can't come as I'm not going to lie to my family.

What are her reasons that they can't come?

I'm not going to let it go but I will get the "So I can't invite BF and her DD?

DD is both ours and cost wouldn't be an issue.

Why can't her BF and daughter comes as well as your family?

warriorprincessandwidowed · 01/04/2019 13:11

Everyone should be invited to a holy communion your wife is being irrational and you need to stand your ground...

Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 13:14

I will be inviting them as I'm not having my relationship suffer one bit because of my DW.
There are no limit on numbers and paying for more isn't an issue either so I just don't get it.
I'm not bothered who DW invites just don't get the logic or lack of why my DSIS and her DS can't be invited. I'll not see her until tomorrow so will talk to her then, I'd rather do it face to face than over the phone.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2019 13:15

Why can't her BF and daughter comes as well as your family? I suspect that is what OP wants to know!

Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 13:16

Warriorprincessandwidowed I will be standing my ground. She knows I'm relaxed when it comes to social gatherings and who she wants to invite etc but I'm very annoyed at this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 13:20

CuriousaboutSamphire, I've no issue with her BF and her DD coming as I get on great with them both and have a good laugh. It's just when I pointed out neither were god parents that that was the flaw in her logic that my DSIS and her DS couldn't come because neither of them were god parents.

OP posts:
TheSerenDipitY · 01/04/2019 13:20

err, ummm, as its half your child, ummmm, cant you pick up a phone and invite people too? how is it that your wife is in charge of a family event and has final veto of the invites? just fucken invite everyone you know

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2019 13:30

Sorry Dozy I did understand that, just worded my response to rebut Warriors question

Sorry, it was clumsily done!

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 13:34

She is being so weird and unreasonable!

I second inviting them.

I’d call the restaurant to increase the numbers then tell your wife.

It’s just such a weird thing for her to do.

Original poster
DozyGrumpyDad · 01/04/2019 13:35

Curious no probs your post wasn't clumsy , it's just my inability to read a sentence without understanding it first time 😂

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 01/04/2019 13:41

It seems odd of your DW to not invite any of your family. Does she have a massive issue with your family?

Newyearnewme2019 · 01/04/2019 13:43

You're celebrating your DD Holy Communion - you can invite the world if you want to. She is being unreasonable. Your DD would love to have all the family and friends there to celebrate from both of your sides.