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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you can’t go teetotal, you’re an alcoholic

50 replies

LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:39

Is this statement correct?

I drink too much. Every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night I drink between 5 - 7 cans of lager (low alc content but still around 3.5%)

Every time I do it, I wake up the next day thinking “I need to go teetotal” but by the night time I’m cracking another one open and then drinking until I fall asleep / feel drunk

It’s all or nothing with me. I can’t “just have one” so cutting down isn’t an option. It would have to be completely teetotal. If I can’t manage this, am I an alcoholic?

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/04/2019 07:41

Is that 5-7 cans over the whole period or on each night?

If you can’t stop, it sounds like your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy.

SoupDragon · 01/04/2019 07:42

It’s all or nothing with me. I can’t “just have one”

I think the fact that this is true is what would make you an alcoholic.

I'm not tee total but I can easily have just one drink or not drink for months on end.

The fact that you are recognising there is a problem is good.

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:42

Each night. DH drinks too and refuses to stop so there will always be alcohol in the house which makes it even harder

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 01/04/2019 07:44

In this case, I think so yes. You can't manage one day without drinking by the sounds of it. Also you can't cut back so it sounds like you're quite dependent. Do you go out to drink or at home alone? Do you drink at all Monday to Wednesday? What is different on those days?

Fairylea · 01/04/2019 07:44

My whole family are alcoholics. I used to be too until I became teetotal about 10 years ago, I was a weekend binge drinker like you, when my dd would go to her dads I would spend the whole weekend drunk basically. I knew that for me one drink would never be enough so I had to become teetotal to control myself.

So for me, it is very true. I do think if you can’t control yourself it’s all or nothing.

MrsBertBibby · 01/04/2019 07:44

You need to get proper advice! That does sound like problem drinking. But admitting that is a huge step to fixing it, so seize the day and move forward.

Talk to your GP, or this page has a link for local services

www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/

Fairylea · 01/04/2019 07:46

Also, your dh needs to be on board. I can’t have alcohol in the house at all and thankfully dh doesn’t drink either so it’s easy for me. If your dh won’t support you in this I would be questioning the relationship.

kaytee87 · 01/04/2019 07:47

Yes, I'd say you are addicted to alcohol.

Your GP may be able to help.

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:47

I don’t drink at all Monday to Wednesday - not sure why, I think it’s just that I’ve managed to justify Thursday-Sunday as “it’s the weekend” which I can’t do with the other days

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/04/2019 07:48

How big are the cans? That’s a lot of units.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 01/04/2019 07:48

I think it's the not being able to stop once you start that rings alarm bells here.

FusionChefGeoff · 01/04/2019 07:49

That was certainly the case with me - I am now 5 years sober thanks to AA.

If you wanted to go to a meeting, everyone is lovely and they have all been where you are now. And some will have been MUCH further down the depths before they got help.

It's amazing that you can recognise this in yourself now.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/aa-meetings/find-a-meeting

AppleJuiceFlood · 01/04/2019 07:50

I think you definitely have a problem.

I used to be like you and drank every night, a good few glasses of wine and it wasn’t a nice night without it.
Gradually over time I stopped and now I can go months without a drink and quite often go onto soft drinks if I’m out and have had a glass of wine. I just don’t like the feeling any more.

I’m sure you can sort the problem. It’s not going to be easy though. 💐

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:50

440mls I think. I feel like shit. I can never remember the night before. I drink at home, I don’t go out as I’ve drank myself into a state on nights outs and ended up humiliating myself. Once woke up in A&E after collapsing in a pub. A massive bar brawl broke out around me. So now I just drink at home so I can’t embarrass myself

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 01/04/2019 07:52

I think you’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking “am I drinking too much alcohol” and the answer is yes, far too much and you can’t cut back so you are indeed an alcoholic.. A can of larger is 2 units which means you’re drinking 2x7 cans x 4 nights, which is 56 units. A woman is supposed to drink 14 a week.

It’s great that you are questioning this though. Please go and see your Dr or look on google for local support groups.

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:53

I dare not go to AA in case there is someone there that recognises me. I am a healthcare professional that makes me even worse

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/04/2019 07:55

20 cans of 440mls 3.5% beer is 30 units a week. 28 cans is 42 units. That’s really not healthy, low alcohol or not.

Parky04 · 01/04/2019 07:56

You have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Take small steps. Start with not drinking on the Thursday as that isn't the weekend. Then maybe the Sunday as you have to work the next day.

SileneOliveira · 01/04/2019 07:59

I don't think it's all or nothing. If you can't just have one then walk away, then that's an issue.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 01/04/2019 08:00

I would say that definetly sounds like problem drinking, the number of units is a red herring for me, if you cannot go without then that's problematic.

It's why I never sponsor people to do dry January or whatever... if going 30 days without alcohol is challenging then I don't think raising money for charity is where the answer lies.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/04/2019 08:01

Could you go to an AA group further afield?

Loopytiles · 01/04/2019 08:02

It’s an alcohol problem.

Sadly, if you want to address it, for your health and to keep your job, it’d be sensible to separate from your H, given his alcohol problem.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 01/04/2019 08:03

I don't think it's quite so binary. I wouldn't consider you a full blown alcoholic but you sound like you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which could develop further.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/04/2019 08:04

OP were you not on here the other week talking about your diet and coming off meds? Wouldn’t it be a good idea to talk to your GP about all these things so you can get some help.

Also I hope you don’t drive the morning after a binge, as you may still be over the limit

rosie1959 · 01/04/2019 08:06

Nobody can tell you that you are an alcoholic by just reading what you have wrote Only you know
Alcoholism is much more than how much you drink it's how it makes you feel
If you feel you have a problem then it's up to you to do something about it
I can tell you the only other people you will meet in AA are other alcoholics and they come from all walks of life Being a healthcare professional does not need to stop you going