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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you can’t go teetotal, you’re an alcoholic

50 replies

LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 07:39

Is this statement correct?

I drink too much. Every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night I drink between 5 - 7 cans of lager (low alc content but still around 3.5%)

Every time I do it, I wake up the next day thinking “I need to go teetotal” but by the night time I’m cracking another one open and then drinking until I fall asleep / feel drunk

It’s all or nothing with me. I can’t “just have one” so cutting down isn’t an option. It would have to be completely teetotal. If I can’t manage this, am I an alcoholic?

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

DoyouthinkIcare · 01/04/2019 08:14

Don't worry about seeing people you know at an AA meeting. I attend AA and NA meetings where there are GPs, pharmacists, nurses and a wide range of other HCP. Just remember that if they are there they have their own problems so they won't judge and they won't talk about you outside the meeting. The clue is in the name!

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 01/04/2019 08:14

I disagree with the PP, I think I can say with a good degree of certainty that you are alcohol dependent. You are drinking up to 42 units per week (recommended amount is 14) which is enough to seriously damage your liver. You've already saud you feel awful and can't stop or drink in moderation. Drink is clearly a massive issue for you. Please get some help x

141mum · 01/04/2019 08:17

Hi......that was my excuse not to go to meetings......if you see someone you know it’s because they are there for same reason as you.
There are every walks of life at meetings including teachers, drs, lawyers, homeless, ex prisoners....we are all there to stop drinking and lead a better life... we all help each other, it is a fantastic support.
BUT please if you go listen to the similarities you have NOT the difference....don’t think oh I’m not that bad I still have my job,home, partner.....carry on as you are drinking and this will be part of your story...hard to hear....sorry....but truth....you hear it at every meeting.....BUT you also hear how loads of people turn it around....give it a try for 1 month....if you don’t like it booze will still be there.
Good luck x

Original poster

LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 08:18

Thanks for the advice guys. I will look into AA. I’ve had this problem for years and I need to do something. I started a sports club on Thursday nights around 6 weeks ago which has curbed my Thursday night drinking greatly but last week I didn’t go ... reason being it was a choice between that or getting drunk at home. The alcohol won. So I’m actively choosing alcohol over things I actually enjoy.

OP posts:

PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 08:25

I think the fact you're questioning it shows that drinking is a problem for you. I used to be like this. I drank less than you in one sitting but I did so almost every single night, and then would have occassions where I got really pissed if it was a weekend or at a friend's. The only thing that really stopped it was us deciding to have a baby. I planned to cut down gradually whilst TTC but then fell pregnant the first month we tried so I had to kick myself up the arse and pack it in immediately. 5 months into it I'm not even sure why I drank so much because I don't really miss it, but the first few weeks were very hard.

I think if you find some strong motivation like this it makes it easier to stop. AA might actually be the best option for you?

Fundays12 · 01/04/2019 08:39

You definitely have an alcohol problem and need help. If you have to have a drink or can’t stop at one it’s a problem. My father was an alcoholic and it cost him his life so please get help ASAP.

rosie1959 · 01/04/2019 08:44

Great post 141mum

JinglingHellsBells · 01/04/2019 08:45

There are two types of isses with alcohol

1 physical dependency- so withdrawing it gives you side effects like the shakes, sweats and headaches. This would be alcoholism- in other words you cannot function physically without a drink (like smokers need their next fix and drug addicts need a fix.)

2 psychological dependency- where you use it as a crutch and cannot change your behaviour.

It sounds as if you are 2.

Have you done the assessment on Drink Aware

www.drinkaware.co.uk/

SarfE4sticated · 01/04/2019 08:49

as a healthcare professional do you have a very stressful job? Are you using drink to help you to zone out? If so could you possibly just try to find other ways to do that? Swimming, running maybe? I often have a 'decompressing' beer when I get home from work, and it was beginning to worry me a bit, so now I have a fruit tea instead. There is something really horrible about the shame you feel about drinking, finding some other way to cope with that stress will make you feel so much better.
Now it's spring time, can you try to change the structure of your day? If you socialise in the pub, try a LA beer shandy or drive?
Good luck OP

ginghamtablecloths · 01/04/2019 08:53

Yes sorry, alcoholic. I'd say you have a problem with alcohol as you can't drink just the one and but going until you're drunk. Plus four days out of five. At least if you admit the problem you can go on to do something about it.

Hazlenutpie · 01/04/2019 09:02

We’re both teetotal, it’s the only way.

Fresta · 01/04/2019 09:08

I wouldn't say you were an alcoholic because if you were you wouldn't be able to abstain mon-weds. To me an alcoholic can't function without it. Yours is a habit, not an addiction.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 01/04/2019 09:10

Pleas go and speak to your GP, acknowledging the problem is the first step and they can point you in the direction of local support.

If you can’t face AA there in online chat support here but anyone going to AA isn’t going to judge you for being there. It is going to be difficult if DH drinks and doesn’t want to quit with you.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-support-services/

www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/

Springisallaround · 01/04/2019 09:20

soberistas.com/

This group has a lot of women on it who are very supportive. I think you do pay a small amount for membership but can have a free trial as well. There will be lots of similar stories and support on there.

rosie1959 · 01/04/2019 09:22

I hope you find your answer OP but be aware there are many forms of alcoholism it is not true that alcoholics have to drink everyday I know many myself included who could go days weeks without a drink but once one was taken it all started again

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 01/04/2019 09:33

I am a healthcare professional that makes me even worse

No, it doesn't. It makes you human, just like everyone else. Actually, in my experience, people in the caring professions often struggle to care for themselves. Oh, I'm sure there are people who will judge you, but they will judge anyone for anything. Besides, the risk of wrecking your health and life seems a much higher price than the shame of being judged. Get the help you know you need - and good luck!

SoupDragon · 01/04/2019 09:37

if you see someone you know it’s because they are there for same reason as you.

Absolutely this. And you (and they) are there because you want help - that is a good thing.

interestingname · 01/04/2019 09:39

I can relate to you. For years I was a secret drinker - at least a bottle of wine, if not more a night. I justified it because I was still functioning very highly, holding down a full time job and relationship and nobody around me was any the wiser.

It did mean I would turn down invites to events/dinenrs etc, because I knew there was a strong chance I'd have alcohol on me and couldn't drive.

Every morning I'd wake and vow I wouldn't drink that evening - and every day come 4pm I'd be in buying my bottle of wine

8 weeks ago something happened, and I stopped drinking. It wasn't really by choice, but it had to be done - and I can't believe how much has changed in such a short space of time. I don't need to hide bottles and chew gum to hide my breath and I can say yes to driving to most events.

I'm not saying it's easy - I'm seeing an addiction councillor, attending group meetings and having regular blood tests. I'm only 28, but I had done a decent amount of damage to my liver which thankfully has bounced back remarkably well in the 8 weeks I've been sober.

I think the blood test to check my liver gave me the wake up call I needed - so might be an idea to get it checked. I also live in a house with a partner who drinks, but that's his choice and I've made tis choice for me.

I'm not saying it'll be plain sailing - there have been a few times, and will be more where I'd love a glass - but like you, I don't know the one that's one too many, so for me, I can't say yes to that first one.

Regards groups, I was terrified when I went to my first one this week - but everyone is in the same boat - and everyone will have some stories you can relate to - you're not alone!

BarbaraofSevillle · 01/04/2019 09:48

I wouldn't say you were an alcoholic because if you were you wouldn't be able to abstain mon-weds. To me an alcoholic can't function without it. Yours is a habit, not an addiction

I agree with this statement. But are you sure that's all you're drinking (5-7 cans of weak lager 4 days a week)? That doesn't match up with 'not being able to remember the night before'. Not many people will get into that state on that amount of alcohol.

Try drinking a bit less and try cutting out on Thursdays and Sundays. Only Friday and Saturday are 'the weekend'. If you stick to a 4 pack on Fridays and Saturdays only, you're probably just about within the weekly recommended units, which are plucked out of the air btw, with no scientific basis whatsoever.

They're probably in the right ballpark, but there's no evidence of harm in people who drink slightly above that level.

Cinnamonhazelnut · 01/04/2019 09:54

4 nights on the trot of 5-7 cans of lager until you fall asleep/feel drunk.

yes, id say you have a problem. not a massive one, but its on its way to something worse.

the good thing is that you are recognizing it may be a problem. and if tyou can do that now your already half way there.

the next step is to ask yourself why your drinking so much? & why do you think you need to sit and drink at home? and then from there hopefully you can be on the way to a much better relationship with alcohol.

i hope everything works out OK for you :)

DistanceCall · 01/04/2019 10:06

I don't know about alcoholic. But if you are unable not to drink when you want to, I'd say you have a drinking problem, yes.

And there is such a thing as functioning alcoholics.

JingsMahBucket · 01/04/2019 10:14

@JinglingHellsBells #2 is still alcoholism. Number 2 is actually more common in some societies or social groups of people.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/04/2019 10:23

I don't think you are right on that Jings
You can have an addiction but not be an alcoholic, and you can be dependent physically- which is alcoholism.

Someone can be addicted ( a habit) to drinking one glass a day with their meals but not be physically dependent - it's a habit.

DoyouthinkIcare · 01/04/2019 10:33

@JinglingHellsBells a habit is not the same as an addiction. Physical and psychological dependence both equal alcoholism.

Ineweverything · 01/04/2019 12:07

I found Club Soda to be fantastic. Loads of free resources and a great Facebook page.

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