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Original poster

Secret wedding ideas

46 replies

Secretwedding · 31/03/2019 22:21

Name changed in case outting. Not an AIBU but posting for traffic, i hope no one minds .

Secret weddings, who's done them and what did you do ?

Me and OH have been talking. Don't want massive fuss and dont want to spend masses of ££££. Would like to book a registry office somewhere and not tell our nearest and dearest till on the day or very few days before but no idea how to go about it.

Any ideas ? Thinking possibly organising for next year.

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 31/03/2019 22:24

I know someone who did this but the parents and siblings knew.
Went to a gorgeous retautant after Didn't have an engagement ring or any sort of fuss. I think it would be nice to allow immediate family time to take a day off work or sort an outfit or whatever.
Many congratulations to you both xx

BecauseYouAreWorthIt · 31/03/2019 22:27

I don't blame you wanting a quiet time.

Make a video and save cake for people like grandparents who may be upset?

All the best on the day.Flowers

YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch · 31/03/2019 22:36

We christened our son and then the vicar announced we would be getting married - right now!

Our parents and siblings knew, it gave the whole day a more laid back feel, and then we had the little christening party afterwards. And it was important to me that people who were there on the day were there for my sons christening first and foremost.

Kaleela · 31/03/2019 22:38

I like the 'pretending it's a party for nearest and dearest' and it's actually your wedding. My registry could accommodate 12 people so I'm sure it'd be similar elsewhere?

I hid my marriage for 3 months. We weren't interested in involving family in our thoroughly discussed decision haha. Only one family member was pissed and that was for her own selfish reasons. The rest of the family loved us and respected our decision. Only regret is we have NO PHOTOS 😭

Original poster
Secretwedding · 31/03/2019 22:41

Thanks :) I know my mum would kill me if she had to wear jeans cause i never told her (I wouldn't care ).

A suggestion gas been to go w family holiday e.g a log cabin that way everyones fixed for the dates then organise it round that ?

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 31/03/2019 22:51

Could you have a birthday party? Meal for special occasion (moving home or whatever is coming up)

Aimily · 31/03/2019 22:58

My cousin did it, her and her husband booked it all, told parents and siblings about 3 weeks before hand and they all took off up north for a long weekend, hotel wedding and dinner in a nice restaurant. Family WhatsApp chat a couple weeks later was a photo of the 14 of them (she's one of 5) saying 'surprise' was lovely because it was exactly what they wanted and was quite literally immediate family.(we're from a Catholic background so a full wedding would be 150+ guests and that's just aunt's, uncle's and cousin's)

Original poster
Secretwedding · 01/04/2019 09:41

@aimily I like that idea :) it going to be a nightmare to organise if we're doing it 'in secret'. 3 weeks may be better to let other prepare if they want to i guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretwedding · 01/04/2019 09:44

@chilledout I suggested organising it around one of our birthday's as a cover up so i think that may be a good start in point when thinking of dates. I have no idea what to budget . When hear the prices of weddings its crazy. We would just like a nice day that doesnt cost the earth

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 09:44

My friends did it, just had their children and 2 witnesses. Told everyone afterwards.
If it's a secret why would you tell everyone a few days before? Do you want them there? As they may jot be able to attend with short notice and they may consider that rude.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 09:46

But why can’t you do that without it being a secret?

Can’t you just book the registry office and a restaurant for whoever you want there and tell them? Forgive me if I’m missing something!

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 09:48

Yes this ^^ adding in an element of secrecy when there's no need just makes you look like drama llamas.

Original poster
Secretwedding · 01/04/2019 10:13

Because I dont want all the fuss leading up to it. I only want close family there and if i say we are planning it it will become a big thing with my mum saying but oh you have to invite such and such.

There would be a big fall out if it was just us two and I dont want THAT drama either .

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 10:21

Ah I see so you want them all to gather and then suprise, its a wedding. That would only work at a log cabin if the cabin was licensed for weddings.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 10:23

Ah, ok.

Well I would book the venue/restaurant you want. Buy the outfit you want. Sort everything else you want, and then present it as a fait accompli.

Not necessarily a “secret” but more - we’re getting married next month on X date and everything is sorted. We need to be there at X time.

End of story!

TheWoollybacksWife · 01/04/2019 10:27

I was looking on Airbnb for a large house to host a family gathering near to me. The search area was quite wide and I discovered that there was at least one house that advertises as a private wedding venue. It isn't licensed for the ceremony itself but says it's only 10 minutes from the town hall. It can sleep 20 guests and was under £1500 for the dates I was looking at. I'm sure there are other places that do similar.

Would something like that work? Organise it as a family party away and then have a registry office wedding and a black tie candlelit dinner/garden party afterwards. If you set a dress code for your "event" then you can avoid your Mum being cross that she was surprised in her jeans.

FaithFrank · 01/04/2019 10:31

I'm going to a wedding next week that will be something like what Ivana says.

The couple booked the registry office and restaurant. Invited everyone 2 weeks ago.

Weenurse · 01/04/2019 10:32

Best wedding I went to was a house warming bbq. The hosts disappeared after lunch and then turned up on the porch with a celebrant and got married.
Got house warming gifts, and close friends and family attended.
Great day.

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 10:36

Weenurse they must also have had a registry office wedding? As you can't get married at your own house. That was a party not a wedding.

bellabasset · 01/04/2019 10:40

I think a weekend in a large house with prepared food delivered is a lovely idea. You bring your own drinks, have food at your leisure.

MojoMoon · 01/04/2019 10:44

I went to a surprise wedding.

It was supposed to be a birthday party - dinner at private room in a restaurant at a hotel.

We found out on arrival when there was a banner

It was great. The thinking was that if you cared enough to show up at the birthday party, you cared enough to be at the wedding.

Helped by their siblings and friends all living in London so there was no one who needed to travel more than an hour to be there

Damntheman · 01/04/2019 10:54

My brother got married and told us all about six months later :p It was no big deal to us at least, he and his wife were happy that's what matters!

My friends did it, only had their two friends and kids at the registry office, it was lovely. We had a party about a year later for them.

I suspect what you're talking about is a surprise wedding more than a secret one? Why not if that's what you want? I like the idea of the family log cabin. Why not do the registry office just you two and your witnesses beforehand and then you can have an outdoors ceremony at the holiday cabin if the weather is nice? Then only you, DH and your officiant need to know beforehand.

whitesoxx · 01/04/2019 11:10

I'd invite them out for a fancy lunch near a registry office for my "birthday"

Stifledlife · 01/04/2019 11:13

We were going away for the weekend to a cottage with some friends, so booked a registry office and restaurant for a town nearby and told no one. When we were all sat around on the first night discussing what we would do the next day, we said "you could come to our wedding.."

We had to show them the paperwork and the rings before they believed us!

It was amazing! Such a giggle, no nerves, everyone was a witness so no one's nose out of joint, and a fantastic meal afterwards.

A few people were unimpressed when we got back (like MIL) because THEY wanted a big wedding, but it was the best thing ever, and DH and I got to have a good time instead of dealing with drama.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

WYP2018 · 01/04/2019 11:23

OP I’m getting married next year, we originally decided to just go to the register office, just us and the kids, and tell people afterwards. We’ve now decided though to ask our parents and siblings along, and all go for food afterwards. The main reason being I didn’t want to keep it a secret from my kids as they will be hugely excited at the prospect, and I didn’t want them to have to keep such a big secret either if I did tell them. We aren’t letting anyone know until quite a bit closer to the time though, so there’s no space for people trying to railroad us into expanding things!

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