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Original poster

to ask if you've ever known a man do this or is it only in films/books?

76 replies

SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 30/03/2019 22:59

Come home and found a bf or an ex bf unannounced waiting for you outside your door to declare true love?

This happens all the times in films and books- usually in a romantic leading couple meant to be together/ had some sort of argument or broken up/its over or she thinks its over/out of the blue she comes home and there he is all puppy dog eyes/ they make up/fade into happy ever after sunset.

Often her front door is a flat or apartment - probably so he doesn't look too weird camping on a door step in the rain -and it is never explained how he gets in the building (tailgaiting probably).

I am 100% sure this has never happened to a woman in the history of the universe and it is made up film crap.

Am I right?

OP posts:
ImFineThankYouSusan · 31/03/2019 05:52

You might find this interesting OP.

Also check out his vid 'Abduction as romance'

Nathansmommy1 · 31/03/2019 07:35

O yes, this has happened to me.

Dp would call down to surprise me, but wouldn't have listened when I said I was going the do such and such after work so he'd be sat there waiting for me!

Greenteandchives · 31/03/2019 07:48

Yes it has happened to me. I was on a train once and my ex boyfriend turned up out of the blue and begged me to take him back for the entire rest of the four hour journey.
I managed to get rid of him, but the next day he turned up where I was staying and was waiting for me when I finished work. He must have followed me.
Persistent, but unsuccessful. Creepy, yes now I come to think of it, but I was secretly flattered at the time.

Nowordsleft · 31/03/2019 07:57

Yes I have had this in my younger days where an ex would turn up declaring undying love. Once it was the middle of the night.

I expect it doesn’t happen these days as a man would just send a quick text instead.

MistletoeBalls · 31/03/2019 08:19

Not exactly that but I got chatting to someone once as we were walking the same way (I think he asked me directions to campus and I was going there anyway)

He was pleasant enough and we'd shared brief details about ourselves.

I later got a letter forwarded through my department. He'd written to them saying he wanted to get in touch with someone
but all he knew was I was called Mistletoe (my real name is unusual), I studied political science and I was "beautiful"

I think the secretary who sent it on was secretly hoping it would be a romantic story like in the films. It wasn't, it was weird and creepy. I was 19- he was older- and we barely knew each other. He seemed to think because I'd been polite and friendly that was an invitation to try and track me down. I think the "beautiful" comment was more about me being young and female than anything else Hmm in any case it just seemed nasty and objectifying to me, I didn't think we had connected on any particularly deep level conversationally.

I feel a bit sorry for young lads who have been bamboozled by ridiculous Hollywood tropes into thinking this is what women want. I think it's really unhealthy messaging around respect and consent. Often the plot seems to be.

Guy does something disrespectful/thoughtless
Woman objects
Guy is shocked that she doesn't see things in the same way he does
Guy apologises with big gesture that does nothing to convince me he's actually understood the underlying issue
Woman is grateful and forgives him immediately

Occasionally the woman is being totally ridiculous in her objection and that pissess me off too. He should just tell her not to be a twat but instead it's smoothed over with a "aw poor women, you can't expect them to be rational after all. Just tell them they're pretty and give them some flowers"

I feel a lot less sympathetic to full grown adults - male or female- who think this is a desirable/normal way to behave

Sunlight82 · 31/03/2019 08:22

I was 14 and had had the odd snog with a 17 year old goth on the beach after doing my usual trick of climbing out of our holiday home window every night to go to the illegal beach raves. For the next few months he used to leave a white rose outside my window in the middle of the night and we used to sometimes see him leave with his long overcoat billowing behind him. Then my friend told me that a white rose means death so I spent the next few years avoiding him in case he meant me harm Confused

SunshineCake · 31/03/2019 08:32

My boyfriend of five months turned up at my flat unexpectedly to tell me he loved me. He'd been in work and just needed to come and tell me.

Been together 23 years, married for 20 this summer.

exLtEveDallas · 31/03/2019 08:45

Hmm kinda - not to me, but to a friend.

Friend (male) had been with his gf for about 8/9 months when they split - nothing major but picky little arguments, cancelling dates (LDR), pressures of trying to 'blend' (both had a child). They were a lovely couple and lots of us were disappointed for both of them.

A couple of months later he came to our wedding, had a great time, got a bit drunk, and spent a good hour telling my DH how much he missed the gf. DH sympathised and said something like "life's too short, look at what can happen when you put some effort it, Eve and I had loads to work out, but we did it"

Apparently early the following morning he got up and drove 2 hours to her house, declared undying love and told her they needed to try again. He phoned me 2 days later (on honeymoon!) to say they were back together. That was almost 15 years ago and they've been married now about 5 years!

happinessischocolate · 31/03/2019 08:55

An ex climbed in through my bedroom window when I was in bed years ago.

He was a roofer so wasn't scared of heights, fortunately I was lying in bed reading a book so although I was surprised at the sight of him it didn't scare the living shit out if me. Asked him to leave, so he walked out of my bedroom and let himself out the front door.

I made sure I shut the bedroom window each night after that.

QueenofmyPrinces · 31/03/2019 09:06

I came home once to find flowers lining the perimeter of the driveway, and written in massive letters, using hundreds of little stones, were the words “I love you so much” with lots of kisses (also created with stones).

My boyfriend was standing by the front door looking very proud of himself with half a bunch of flowers in his hands (the ones that hadn’t been used in the driveway decorations) and a box of chocolates.

It was so romantic!!

We were only 11 at the time though so it didn’t seem sinister Grin

MillieMoodle · 31/03/2019 09:21

My ex drove 50 miles in the middle of the night, from our home town to where I was at uni, to tell me he still loved me 8 months after we split up (it hadn't been my choice to split up). I was with someone else by then (who's now my DH) and so was he. He'd also been in the pub all evening. I don't know what on earth he was thinking. Bellend.

SoyDora · 31/03/2019 09:21

Are you thinking of doing it OP? Grin

Charley50 · 31/03/2019 09:25

Not my front door, but a very drunk (and actually lovely) ex attempted to climb out of one first floor window and into another (to the room with me in), in order to 'impress' me and win me back.

Unfortunately he missed the window and fell down, breaking his arm very badly. He got to spend more time with me anyway, as I had to accompany him to hospital and explain that he was not only drunk and stoned, but also on magic mushrooms-- Grin

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 31/03/2019 09:37

When my now husband and I were courting he turned up at my place in the early hours, (took a taxi as it was in the middle of nowhere), let the taxi go and tried to serenade me but I didn’t hear him. As he had no more money, he had to sleep in our outside toilet and woke me up at 8.00am. He was freezing cold. He asked me to marry him that night. The initial visit was to propose but it all went a bit “Pete Tongue” 😂😂😂

Thecazelets · 31/03/2019 09:52

It happened to me with a controlling boyfriend from home when I was at university. Once he drove 300 miles through the night and was waiting outside my room when I opened the door to go down to breakfast. No idea how he got into the building. It was quite sinister and I still feel lucky to have escaped from him. Not a normal thing to do at all.

Billybobbob · 31/03/2019 10:17

I'd got up at something like 4.30 am to get to the airport for an early morning flight. As I was getting ready, my doorbell rang and it was an ex I'd broken up with a few months earlier telling me how much he missed me and wanted us to get back together. My airport cab came and i told ex to get lost. Initially i thought it was a coincidence that ex had turned up on the one morning that I was up really early, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he'd often been outside my flat in the early hours and that morning had seen my lights come on and wondered what I was up to.

He followed up the early morning visit with a few persistent phone calls and I eventually had to firmly tell him to never ever contact me again.

longwayoff · 31/03/2019 10:38

Hmm it may look romantic but it's unnerving and scary in reality as people who think this is a great idea are usually lacking quite a few social skills who have been dropped for good reason. Yes it happens, no it's not great.

thecatsthecats · 31/03/2019 11:28

One of my friend's boyfriends did this when they were 16. He had cheated on her, but turned up on her doorstep with a single red rose, saying he'd do it every day until she forgave him.

She did even wait to see if he'd do it a second day running, she took him back right there! Two months later he cheated on her again with the same girl.

theWarOnPeace · 31/03/2019 11:42

An ex did it once and it made me so furious, that I threatened to call the police if he ever even contacted me again. Totally creeped me out. An actual boyfriend also did it once because he’d lost his phone, this was in the brick-phone days so it’s not like he could contact me any other way. It was cute getting in from work to him sitting on the porch with a takeaway, we didn’t live together.

theWarOnPeace · 31/03/2019 11:43

OMG thecats that’s bloody awful!

MrsExpo · 31/03/2019 12:00

Sort of similar happened to me. I had been in a relationship with him several years before. It didn’t work out then. We had split up and I married someone else. Was married for 12 years then divorced, but bumped into him again quite by chance around the time I was divorcing and about to move into my own place. We chatted in a “nice to see you” sort of way, I told him what was going on in my life and that I was about to move to another town 15 miles away.

I moved. Fast forward three months he turned up on my doorstep and asked me out for a drink.

We’ve now been married 17 years ...... Smile

ErrolTheDragon · 31/03/2019 17:19

An admirer when I was a student turned up in the night outside my window ... first floor with a flat roof. Hmm That absolutely decided me against him.

SimonJT · 31/03/2019 17:28

I kind of did this with my ex, which I cringe about now.

We’d had an arguement before he was due to be away for six months, so I flew out to see him as a surprise, I didn’t want to turn up at his hotel as I thought that would be creepy, so instead I went to their show to see if he would notice me after I had pushed myself to the front, he did, and he obviously looked suitably creeped out. However, it gave us almost two days to talk through how we were feeling etc so it was a good thing in the end.

I still cringe when people mention it.

Original poster
SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 31/03/2019 18:08

@ImFineThankYouSusan

youtu.be/rZ1MPc5HG_I

You might find this interesting OP.

Also check out his vid 'Abduction as romance'

Thank you for this! It is very interesting!!! It's amazing how prevalent Stalking As Love appears in films. Some of them are obvious - I've always thought the Love Actually one is really creepy but some of them I'd never noticed.

I enjoyed watching this!

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 31/03/2019 18:15

This bit from that documentary short film sums it up

^in Hollywood grand romantic gestures are designed to be elaborate ambushes, ambushes that put women on the spot in a very public way. There is an undercurrent of coercion in most of these schemes because they set up situations where the woman in question will appear callous or heartless if she rejects the guy again after he's gone through all the trouble of pulling off his elaborate stunt"

OP posts: