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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask if you've ever known a man do this or is it only in films/books?

76 replies

SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 30/03/2019 22:59

Come home and found a bf or an ex bf unannounced waiting for you outside your door to declare true love?

This happens all the times in films and books- usually in a romantic leading couple meant to be together/ had some sort of argument or broken up/its over or she thinks its over/out of the blue she comes home and there he is all puppy dog eyes/ they make up/fade into happy ever after sunset.

Often her front door is a flat or apartment - probably so he doesn't look too weird camping on a door step in the rain -and it is never explained how he gets in the building (tailgaiting probably).

I am 100% sure this has never happened to a woman in the history of the universe and it is made up film crap.

Am I right?

OP posts:
perfeck · 30/03/2019 23:34

Yes, an ex turned up at my work after we'd had a huge row and I'd ended it. We got back together which was in retrospect a huuge mistake, particularly as I had been planning to go for a drink (fnarr fnarr) with the very hot guy at work I'd had a huge crush on and who two people had told me liked me.

I split up with ex 5 years later. Still wonder what the hot guy would have been like in the sack though.

MintyCedric · 30/03/2019 23:37

When i was in my late teens, I did have a guy I was dating rock up at my door at 3am, red rose in hand, after we'd fallen out at a nightclub and I'd stropped off home on my own.

Unfortunately my dad came home from a night shift shortly afterwards so the making up didn't go quite so well Blush!

HelloDarlin · 30/03/2019 23:42

Ex turned up at my parents house (where I was living after returning from working abroad for five years) at Christmas, with a pair of gold earrings for me & a bottle of wine for them (he’d never even met my dad).
I was so stunned that I just took the gifts, said thanks, merry Christmas and shut the door. I felt guilty at the time... But the earrings are still going strong!

Fairenuff · 30/03/2019 23:43

Yes but we were only 14 and he was besotted with me. He walked 7 miles to my house. Walked 7 miles. Turned up outside my window at breakfast time. Mum and Dad invited him in, fed him and then gave him a lift home. He was dreamy. Sigh

EleanorOalike · 30/03/2019 23:48

Not an ex but a stalker. A man that i’d only made brief small talk with twice when a was a young terrified teenager and who then proceeded to stalk me until I was in my 30s. I reported him to the police who issued a Cease and Desist and he now mouths off on facebook about how he was the victim of a false accusation and retweets a load of anti feminist crap.

I blame these kind of films for the stupid narrative that all you have to do is harass a woman relentlessly until she eventually gives in and that depict stalking as being romantic.

Mate, she’s not playing hard to get she’s either plain not interested or in genuine fear that you are going to either rape or murder her.

sobeyondthehills · 30/03/2019 23:51

technically yes, but DP forgot his keys and spent 3 hours waiting for me to get back, when I did he had to declare his undying love for me

EL8888 · 30/03/2019 23:51

Yep. He was unhappy about me ending our relationship and would turn up at my new house. Asking flatmates where l had gone and when l would be coming home. My male flat mate suggested he leave me alone.

MoonStarsSun · 30/03/2019 23:59

I think turning up and declaring true love is more on the side of creepy/controlling than romantic. Had an ex BF who did this sort of thing but he was a nutter.

On the other hand, I once was dating someone for 3 months or so and it was a bit on-off (he was more off than me). However we went for a meal and during the meal he told me that he had something to say, that I meant more to him than he'd realised before and he wanted to make things more official from that point on. It was a very romantic, genuine moment (and he was a good guy Smile).

Original poster
SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 31/03/2019 00:05

meant more to him than he'd realised before and he wanted to make things more official from that point on. It was a very romantic, genuine moment

That is very romantic MoonStars

OP posts:
Billben · 31/03/2019 00:11

I had a boyfriend (short term relationship) go down on one knee on the pavement in London. I was horrified😂 Couldn’t get him up fast enough. It was embarrassing and I never had an intention of marrying him anyway.
Within six months of us parting he was married to a Dutch girl ‘cos they were expecting 😀

FifisLovelyApron · 31/03/2019 00:17

Twice. Neither was a welcome surprise. Definitely no soft focus happily ever after moment.

FromDespairToHere · 31/03/2019 00:47

Yes, an ex who waited outside my flat to declare his undying love. My mum, who was ace, went to his house (he still lived with his mum) and made it very clear what my DBro and BIL would do to him if he didn't leave me alone.

PregnantSea · 31/03/2019 00:54

It happened to me. He proposed, actually. He was pissed out of his face and it was not welcome. Other people saw it and I found the whole thing very embarrassing and was glad that we never spoke again.

FetchezLaVache · 31/03/2019 00:58

Nah, I reckon it only really works in films. I once dumped a chap for being weird, misogynistic (massive Madonna/whore complex) and controlling who went on to hang around the pub I worked in at the time, looking doleful. I was particularly shocked by the number of male customers who tried to tell me that I should be flattered by his efforts as it was clear proof of the high regard in which he held me. Confused

INoahGuy · 31/03/2019 02:03

Happened to me. I saw my ex standing at the doorstep with flowers just as I was about to pull into my driveway. I just drove off. Who does that after two years of no contact?

GunpowderGelatine · 31/03/2019 02:11

Yes I've had this but not in a romantic way, in a stalker way. The police were eventually involved as it was a whole host of other things too

princessTiasmum · 31/03/2019 02:12

I had an ex in the 60s who turned up at.my flat singing funny familiar forgotten feelings (Tom Jones)at midnight. through my letterbox.my neighbour the next morning said that man who was singing outside your flat has a beautiful voice.
Another who stood me up years later.pushed a note through my door (a year later ).apologising and asked me to.meet him.I ignored that of course

Pinkkahori · 31/03/2019 02:15

When I was in my early twenties I wasn't long out of a serious relationship when I met a guy I quite liked.
We went out a few times but he made zero effort to see me even on my birthday so I felt it was going nowhere and dumped him. He cried, actually broke down and cried. It was so strange because although he was nice enough I had never got the feeling he was that interested in me.
But I'd made up my mind.
Didn't see him or hear from him again for about 5 months til he turned up at my house on Valentine's Day!
We did not get back together.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/03/2019 03:53

A friend re-connected with a high school flame a 6 months ago (he came to her mother's funeral). A few days later he showed up on her door step with flowers and told her that she was the 'one who got away' and that he never stopped loving her. They're both divorced and in their 50s with grown children. As of now things are going great, they consider themselves as 'exclusive' and are making 'gradual' plans for a future together.

Fridasrage · 31/03/2019 05:13

Creepy.

Monty27 · 31/03/2019 05:17

OP. Yes I have.
Why are you asking?

QueenDoria · 31/03/2019 05:31

I’ve got 3 examples - all kinds nice rather than stalkerish...

NotTheFordType · 31/03/2019 05:40

Yes, by an abusive ex who I'd told to get to fuck weeks before. Ended up calling the police because I knew if I opened my door he would barge his way in and then claim I asked for it.

It is deeply, deeply strange behaviour. Not what I'd expect from any adult who understands the concept of boundaries, or of the daily safety risks that women face for being female and alive.

QueenDoria · 31/03/2019 05:41

One was on an early morning train that I used to catch - man jumped off after thrusting his phone number into my hand (I didn’t phone him but it did cheer me up for the rest of the day).
The second was a boyfriend flew across the Atlantic to be reunited with me after a romance where we both walked abroad. He had contacted my family to ask etc but it was a total surprise to me.
The relationship didn’t work out long term (although we didn’t spilt up til a while later) but it was a v romantic gesture for an early 20s relationship.
And third example was I’d decided to end it with my boyfriend but he asked to come round to see me a few days later. Came with flowers etc and proposed and 15 years later he’s snoring next to me...

QueenDoria · 31/03/2019 05:41

Btw, the Atlantic boy now makes films. But not romantic ones....

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