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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Proof or it didn’t happen!”

57 replies

Scoresonthedoors · 30/03/2019 15:45

MIL did someone really horrible (lied to someone about me and DD so she would receive something we were going to be given).

It’s the last straw and I have blocked her number because I refuse to let her get away with this without consequences.

FIL rang, I answered (I didn’t recognise his number, he’s never rung me before) and asked why I was being horrible to MIL! I told him what she had done and he said “Proof, or it didn’t happen!”

I’m not going to “prove” anything. It would mean involving the person to whom MIL lied and putting her on the spot.

He doesn’t have to believe me but to try and demand proof or DD and I are liars is twatty, right?

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 30/03/2019 17:01

OP let them have it ....if it means that much to them,,,but I would make them aware that although the item is lost to you they have lost far more by being total arsewipes.I would not be doing anything with them anymore.No invites..no nothing.If they ring tell them whatever they want to speak to your husband and put the phone down.You and your daughter do not need that in your lives...lying and decietful they maybe but you dont have to be or have your daughter learning those behaviours.

Original poster
Scoresonthedoors · 30/03/2019 17:03

GreatDuckCookery Yes, when I mentioned it she told me what MIL had said. I treated it as a misunderstanding so she wouldn’t be embarrassed. MIL was probably banking on the fact I wouldn’t say anything, she knows I don’t like to cause scenes.

Yes the proof is in their garden but of course FIL would just say it was given to them.

OP posts:
Stargazer888 · 30/03/2019 17:05

Why would the friend feel embarrassed? I wouldn't have pretended it was a misunderstand and told her the truth. She has nothing to feel bad about, your mil does.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/03/2019 17:05

A man old enough to have grandchildren should not be using the phrase ‘Proof or it didn’t happen’.

Tell him it’s immaterial to you whether he believes you or not - you’re an adult who has decided not to speak to someone and don’t need his or anyone’s permission to do so. Then break into their garden and steal the item

Acis · 30/03/2019 17:06

I'd suggest you write to your FIL pointing out that the issue is whether you have proof to justify your decision to block your MIL, and in fact you have; there is no need to prove anything to him, because whether he believes it or not is going to make zero difference to your attitude to MiL. No amount of him proclaiming that it didn't happen is going to change the fact that it did. You could suggest that if he wants to maintain his relationship with both of you he rethinks his approach to this.

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 17:06

I would tell MIL that there was some misunderstanding with friend and I did want it.

Chocolateisfab · 30/03/2019 17:11

I hope you aren't planning a visit to mil tomorrow op....

Original poster
Scoresonthedoors · 30/03/2019 17:26

A man old enough to have grandchildren should not be using the phrase ‘Proof or it didn’t happen’

This is true! They are not very bright or very nice!

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoresonthedoors · 30/03/2019 17:27

Chocolateisfab No, we’ve never done the Mother’s Day thing with MIL.

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 30/03/2019 17:40

If you've not got one get a phone with an answerphone then if they ring they can leave a message and your h can ring them back.
It would be game over with me if anyone I knew behaved like this.

justilou1 · 30/03/2019 17:44

I’d be telling the friend

Serialweightwatcher · 30/03/2019 17:51

People only say prove it when they've done something they don't think anyone can pin on them ... tell the friend and ignore the pair of idiots.

Btw, what's the garden got to do with it? Is it from some other thread?

Serialweightwatcher · 30/03/2019 17:53

Sorry just seen about the garden - keep missing posts on here for some reason - apologies

BlueSaphire · 30/03/2019 17:56

Your MIL sounds very sneaky and your FIL sounds like an idiot.

Depending on the relationship you have had so far with them would (if it was me) depend on whether I would want to interact with them again.

Chocolateisfab · 30/03/2019 18:01

Obviously you will have to tell the friend as they will be expecting a 'thank you'.

Original poster
Scoresonthedoors · 30/03/2019 18:18

Chocolateisfab Friend knows MIL has the item, they gave it to her when she told them we would never use it.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 30/03/2019 18:21

"I don't need proof to know that this has upset me!"

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 30/03/2019 18:25

Buy your own. Ignore weird MIL.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 30/03/2019 18:26

When friend sees yours, just explain what happened.

Chocolateisfab · 30/03/2019 18:28

So you def need to fill them in with the facts.

sagradafamiliar · 30/03/2019 18:31

I'd leave it. MIL sounds like she would relish the opportunity to play victim to the friend as well as to FIL

GlitterPixie · 30/03/2019 18:36

I’ve only ever heard that phrase used by idiots in Facebook comments. How ridiculous of him!!

MakeItRain · 30/03/2019 18:47

I would ignore what he said and instead text something that assumes you know the truth, eg "If she wanted the item (your friend) promised us she should have told us, rather than tell her we'd changed our minds. We're now buying the item ourselves but in the meantime I'm too upset/annoyed about this to stay in contact."

He can't really witter on about proof after that. And if he does block him too.

Chloemol · 30/03/2019 21:08

Just block fil number now and ignore them both

Marcipex · 30/03/2019 21:18

Go round after dark and steal it back.
Then look them in the eye while denying it.